Based on The Beach Boys’ “California Girls”

♫  ♫

Well, the East Coast girls are sick
(Don’t really dig those masks they wear)
And the Southern girls with coronavirus
Knock me out when I’m “down there”. . .

The Midwest farmer’s daughters really keep six feet away at sight
And the Northern girls, outside of the Walmart,
They keep their boyfriends warned at night

♫  ♫

I wish they all could be telephoning
I wish they all could be telephoning
I wish they all could be telephoning-girls

♫  ♫

The West Coast has Pelosi
And the girls all get so scammed;
I dig a French bikini on Hawaiian mafiosi:
And the stay-in-house on her command

It’s been all around this great big world
And they’ve screened all kinds of girls
Yeah, but I couldn’t wait to get back to the States
Back to the therapeutics of the world

♫  ♫

I wish they all could be teleporting
I wish they all could be teleporting
I wish they all could be teleporting girls

Yeah,
I wish they all could be telephoning
(Not like the flu)
I wish they all could be telephoning
(Or the bird flu, and)
I wish they all could be telephoning
(Or the swine flu)
I wish they all could be California
(Or like Ebola, yeah . . . )

♫  ♫