We don’t often do April Fools gags here. We have done a few in the past, but we don’t usually. And, we aren’t doing one this year, either.
Google isn’t doing it either, because someone said it’s not respectful. After the September 11 attacks, it was okay. Well, yeah, that was nearly seven months later, but still, I could see some stick-up-their-butt folks complaining if someone tried something funny seven months after all this nonsense is done.
So, do we do April Fools joke on one another? I guess that depends on your siutation.
For instance, if you’re stuck in close quarters with your victim for an extended period of time, it might not be a good idea. Well, I suppose it depends on the joke, and what kind of day (or night) the other person has had.
If you’re up to it, the New York Post has some ideas. Of course, there are farts involved. Not real farts. They aren’t monsters. Well, maybe they are, but still, no actual farts.
If you decide to play some pranks on some people, share your experience here. Your hospital nurse may be kind enough to type them in for you, if the reaction is a little stronger than you expected.
Be safe. Have fun. And punch a hippie. Not just today, but every day.
Hope this isn’t too soon…
No need for hysteria, folks. Follow a few simple, common sense guidelines, and they will keep you, your loved ones and the rest of the trash in your extended fambly coronavirus-free. Obvious things we know that we should be doing, anyway.
Use your elbow to pick your nose.
Gargle with hand sanitizer, before, during and after meals.
Cough into your crotch to avoid spreading germs to others.
Refrain from handshaking, and waggle weenies at one another from across the room in greeting, instead.
Hold your breath for the duration of any flight, domestic or international.
Keep bedroom lights brightly lit to thoroughly annihilate any amorous inclinations toward your significant other.
Do not accept Peek Freans from strangers, no matter how serious they may seem.
Wipe down Anthrax CDs before playing, with a 50-50 solution of Lestoil and Jagermeister.
Do not open spam emails offering ED treatments in comical broken English from potentially infected countries.
Consider taking a Jim Beam sitz bath to minimize the risk of asshole-to-asshole transmission.
In the event of overdue assignments at work, feign illness and stay home in your PJ’s, eating Pop Tarts until your program is defunded.
Muslim women are advised to ditch the burka in favor of other full-body options, such as the Sarani-wrap or the more stylish Hazmati.
Be advised that neither the face-palm nor the faceplant has proven effective against spread of the virus.
Seek immediate medical attention if you suspect that you are turning Japanese.
When indulging bat soup, opt for the Louisville Slugger bisque, 34 ounce. Uncorked.
Beware offers of ‘previously owned’ face masks, especially those sold at deep discount at vape shops.
Avoid places where the superannuated congregate, such as the early bird special at Golden Corral and any event involving the word ‘Bingo’.
When passing through non-automatic doors, tailgate behind someone else who has already unwittingly assumed the risk.
Above all, DO NOT PANIC. According to a spokesman from the CDC, who has not been seen in a while, “We’ll have this one knocked out as quickly and completely as we eradicated AIDS. And tuberculosis. And Ebola”.
Excellent!
I’m trying to decide between Bacon and High Praise.
Heck, both. Definitely both.
A ?
B Be like TwoBuckChuck, funny and prolific
C Forget B, drink heavily, type fast, and pray hard
Only stockpile enough TP to last through one apocalypse, send the kids to the local Stop-n-Shop.
When the food runs out, start with your partners trigger finger.