… once you pay me just $29.95 for my exclusive Ads-No-More advertising elimination service. Just $29.95 gets you:
Power black-outs timed to run during televised ads only (California only)
An unlimited supply of White-Out
A vandal posse dedicated to turning unsightly billboards Into attractive street art
Black electrical tape to paste over internet ads
Howler monkeys to cover over audio ads, and all other sounds!
A limited-time offer, $29.95 – send it in NOW!!!
(any item)…. Now with free bacon
“Vote for the other guy” (unless you are Joe Biden)
Walrus size spandex tights.
….now with Free Bacon
“Welcome to Emu Land”
…brain supplement ads with spokesman Joe Biden.
Practical Camouflage Lessons! Experienced Applicants Only.
Ads you’ll never see: …
Russian women want to met you.
(What happened to our ads?)
Hillary Clinton holding a Shamwow cloth doing commercials for Bleach Bit
Adam Schiff promoting a new line of lie detectors
Stacey Abrams for NutriSystem
“For sale: Bozena Riot Control Vehicle M-1- One owner – never used – $100,000 OBO
Contact: Portland Police Services”
…the Bernie Sanders line of hair care products.
Building a large wooden badger…. with items you ‘found’ in your neighbors garage.
The LEEROY JENKINS school of self control and awareness.
Authentic French Battle Rifles!!! Never fired and only dropped once!!!
…historically accurate white battle scarf now included….
French battle tanks! 5-speed!
One forward and 4 in reverse.
French Military Surplus Trousers (slightly stained).
French Battle Flag!
(Off white fleur-de-lis on a bright white background)
Sea Monkeys! … Pelosi minions… or Russian Collaborators
The Clintons for Suicide Hotline.
Bill: “Hi, do you know my wife? Even worse, does my wife know you? Call now!”
Hillary: “If you’re like me, 58 of your acquaintances have allegedly offed themselves . . .”
Pelosi, Waters and Biden promoting blue “Make Dementia Great Again” caps.
Ads you’ll never see: …
“overuse will make you fat.”
…Mohammed’s Spicy Pork Rinds.
Jameson Lite.
“Hello…I’m Jeffery Epstein and I’d like to talk to you about the #MeToo movement…”
“WIN A DATE WITH JEFFERY EPSTEIN!!!” – Cover of Teen Beat magazine
I was going to say “Jobu’s Rum” but I already found a bunch of Ads for it.
Yo! Bartender! Jobu needs a refill!
F*** Jobu – get it yourself…
… once you pay me just $29.95 for my exclusive Ads-No-More advertising elimination service. Just $29.95 gets you:
Power black-outs timed to run during televised ads only (California only)
An unlimited supply of White-Out
A vandal posse dedicated to turning unsightly billboards Into attractive street art
Black electrical tape to paste over internet ads
Howler monkeys to cover over audio ads, and all other sounds!
A limited-time offer, $29.95 – send it in NOW!!!
Ads you’ll never see: …
Johnny Roventini, paging Philip Morris.
Buy more of our addictive death chemicals and learn to live by dying. You know you want to.