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Archive of entries posted on 9th October 2020
Where’s the Tylenol?
The Illustrated FrankJ: Don’t Call Our Bluff
Created by Comrade Chairman Obama:
. . . based on a Frank J. Random Thought from Sept. 23rd
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Employee of the Month
Aww-Inspiring
Joe Biden Mitch Peeting (Sorry, Ryan George)
“So, you have a candidate for me this year?”
“Yes, sir, we do.”
“What’s his name?”
“Joe Biden.”
“Joe Biden? Hasn’t he been in politics for like a million years?”
“Yes.”
“And what’s he accomplished?”
“Well, what have you accomplished?”
“Fair point. But is he at least a she, or a minority, or — eh — semi-young?”
“No, no, no; not at all.”
“Then why’s he the Democrat candidate?’
“Because we say so.”
“Alrighty then.”
Song Parody: Mr. Rub-‘n’-Sniff
(To the tune of Simon & Garfunkel’s “Mrs. Robinson”)
♩♩♪
And here’s to you, Mr. Rub-‘n’-Sniff
Bezos loves you more than you will know, wo wo wo
A press to please, Mr. Rub-‘n’-Sniff
Handlers hold their breath with every word you say, hey hey hey
Hey hey hey
We’d like to know a little bit about your FBI files
We’d like to know how you helped yourself
Look around you, all you see are sycophantic eyes
Troll pretended crowds until they wheel you home
And here’s to you, Mr. Rub-‘n’-Sniff
Russia loves you more than you will know; Ukraine too
Got the Chinese, Mr. Rub-‘n’-Sniff
Heaven knows how many paid to play, hey hey hey
Hey hey hey
Hidin’ in a hiding place where no one ever goes
Putin in the pantry with a cupcake
It’s a lid-day secret that the man likes sniffing hair
Most of all, you’ve got to hide him from the kids
With a middle name that is Robinette
Geez, I wonder why that is downplayed, hey hey hey
Because it sounds so much like “rubbin’ it”
Dems still hold a place for those who prey, hey hey hey
Hey hey hey
Sitting on a sofa on a Sunday afternoon
Doesn’t qualify as a debate
Laugh at people, shout at people
Then go take a snooze
Every time you’ve run like this you lose
What are you on, Joe Dementia?
A nation turn its nuclear codes to you? Woo woo woo
What day’s today, Mr. Joe Biden?
The revolting Left has left and gone away, hey hey hey
Hey hey hey
♩♩♪
Straight Line of the Day: Is There Any Job Easier Than Being a Portland Prosecutor?
Straight Line of the Day: Is there any job easier than being a Portland prosecutor?
Portland Prosecutors Drop 90 Percent of Cases Stemming from Riots
Breitbart | October 08, 2020 | ILDEFONSO ORTIZProsecutors in Portland, Oregon, have dismissed charges on 90 percent of the protesters arrested during Antifa and anti-police riots in September.
One [Joseph Sipe] had also been charged with attempted murder, assault, and arson. Of the 213 arrested that month, only cases for 19 are pending.
In addition to dropping 9 out of every 10 cases in September, authorities dismissed more than 70 percent of the almost 1,000 arrests since May, a case tracker kept by the Multnomah County District Attorney’s Office revealed.
The figure is worsened by reports from The Oregonian that more cases have been dismissed than those shown on the tracker.
…
The majority of the other defendants had their charges dismissed due to a policy implemented by Multnomah County District Attorney Mike Schmidt, where his office would not prosecute crimes related to protests.
According to KOIN, the dismissed charges include interfering with a peace officer, disorderly conduct, criminal trespass, escaping from authorities, harassment, and rioting.
The policy was advertised as a way to focus resources to prosecuting violent crimes.
It remains unclear why Schmidt’s office dismissed the most serious charges against Sipe.
Welcome to IMAO! I Hope You’re Not Expecting a Cappuchino. Or a Bathroom.
Best Version!
Hey everybody, it’s Friday! Yay, yay, yay!
First off the results of last week’s best version poll.
This poll is no longer accepting votes
This week our song will be Jump, Jive and Wail.
Our contestants are…
- Big Fat Shakin’
- Louis Prima
- Brian Setzer
- None of the Above
On to the music!
This poll is no longer accepting votes
Poll closes on October 15th at 9:00 pm.
