Remember how the last Supreme Court nominee drank beer in college? That guy was crazy!
Whatever happened to him? I think he now has a finishing boat in Florida.
No. Wait. He’s a Supreme Court Justice. The boat sounds more fun.

I am always optimistic. I know things can look bad now, but they will one day get better even if we can’t imagine how. And that’s why I’m hopeful that one day — even if I don’t live to see it — people will stop pretending that The Last Jedi was good.

Biden has consistently done great in all the polls and it’s starting to look like he’ll win in a landslide, but I don’t see anyone going “Biden is definitely going to win this!” as we’re all still shaken from 2016.

Ever think about what a disgusting name for an article of clothing “sweater” is?

I don’t trust anything the president says. I don’t trust anything from the press contradicting what the president says. It’s kind of like not knowing anything but much noisier.

VP debate reminded me why I don’t usually watch debates. Most of the time it’s just a contest of who can remember their talking points better. I actually like how Trump breaks up politics as normal. Politics as normal is dumb and bad.

Imagine a Trump presidency where all we know about Trump is from how Pence describes him.

Who won the debate?
The American people. It’s great to know we have so many quality politicians to choose from. And they have so many neat ideas!

A bit baffled by what people think Pence did in the debate that was “mansplaining” that was any different from the sort of rhetoric in any other debate. The only things that seemed like classic mansplaining was when Harris explained both what the words “debt” and “bounty” meant.

If they can just keep Biden safe and quiet in a basement and make sure he doesn’t get COVID until the election, he’ll probably win.

The debates are fun in that you get to watch Democratic nominees disavow all the leftwing ideas of their base.

Can you just think of all the whining when Trump coughs in Biden’s face every time Biden is speaking?

The goal shouldn’t be to get more people engaged and voting. The goal should be to have such strong protections for our rights no one even needs to care about voting.

“Joe Rogan debate! Joe Rogan debate!”
looks around to see if anyone else joins in the chant

If you can just add Justices whenever the Supreme Court doesn’t go your way, then you might as well get rid of it as it’s no longer a check and balance against the other branches.

It didn’t matter what a Republican president would do — Democrats would say he failed in the pandemic no matter what (and also what he did was somehow racist). But it would have been a partisan attack with no bite if the president projected more competence.

Steve Scully and Joy Reid should form some sort of anti-Twitter hacker task force.

If you were an abolitionist, could a candidate be so awful you’d just have to go ahead and vote for the pro-slavery guy?

I watched Hubie Halloween. It was like a lesser version of those Adam Sandler movies I laughed at in my youth. I chuckled a couple times!
It’s funny how Adam Sandler can keep playing the same pathetic lives with his mother character, but the character keeps getting more pathetic as he gets older.

“Are you going to make an orphan watch as you strangle his puppy?”
“I’ll tell you my position on that after the election.”

Biden’s answer on court packing gets worse every time he’s asked.

Obviously court packing is indefensible which is why they just have to avoid saying they’re for it.

This isn’t a small issue to dodge on. If Democrats plan to use a bare majority to pack the courts any time a ruling doesn’t go their way, they’ve nearly eliminated a branch of government.
I find SCOTUS to pretty dumb and I’d listen to ways to fix it, but to completely subvert it seems like it could break the Constitution.

The question is: Is Trump going to be able to articulate why courting packing is bad?

My daughter’s birthday wish was that there would be a vaccine for coronavirus, but I had to inform her that, since she told us the wish, it wasn’t going to happen. Sorry everyone.

How would you have responded to slavery if you lived 200 years ago? Do you act like the abuses in China are this nuanced problem we can’t do very much about? Well, there you go.

When you spend the first couple years carefully monitoring your kid to protect him from seeking out impending doom, the first time he sits still to stare at a screen is a rather glorious thing.

I learned about court packing in history class. FDR tried it when the Supreme Court ruled against him, but it was so unpopular he had to drop it. I wish the Supreme Court had stopped more of his crap.
Comparing what the Republicans did with Merrick Garland to court packing is like not being able to distinguish a misdemeanor from a felony.
“Stop asking if I plan to run someone over with my car. Anyway, I saw you driving 10 miles over the speed limit.”

Anything I don’t like is court packing.

Syndrome voice
“If everything’s court packing, nothing is.”

If the Democrats pack the courts, there’s nothing in the Constitution that says the Republicans then can’t take those added justices, put them in a rocket, and then fire that rocket into the sun.
Technically, they could do that to any justices they don’t like and not just those added through court packing, but that would break important norms.

I thought antifa mean “anti-fajita” but I found out it actually means “anti-fascist” so now the randomly burning down buildings and attacking people makes even less sense.

I bet you could now get overwhelming support for reparations if it was paired with never having to hear the phrase “white privilege” ever again.

I hope they all get COVID for this completely pointless hearing where some will praise ACB and some will yell at her and absolutely nothing will be accomplished.

Is there a moral difference between a third-trimester abortion and infanticide? If the goal is to end the pregnancy, you can deliver the child just as easily as kill him or her at that point. Seems like it would only be moral where infanticide is moral.
I know the typical response is to look away and say, “That’s a choice between a woman and Doctor Gosnell,” but knowing something is horrible and clinging to any excuse not to think about it seems like the definition of evil.

If you don’t want your culture appropriated, do what most people do and have a crummy culture no one cares about.

If I had absolute power, I would simply not be corrupted absolutely.

Man, it’s hard to take those Democratic senators seriously when you think of how many of them lost handily to Joe Biden.

Isn’t feminism completely backwards? It takes whatever men naturally excel at and inflate that in importance and say more women need to do that while treating the one thing women can do that men can’t — have children — as an obstacle to be overcome.
If I ran feminism, instead of trying to make women half of CEOs, engineers, or combat deaths — which is never going to happen — I’d just argue those are but dumb things men obsess about that aren’t nearly as important as motherhood.
Now, I don’t like saying bad things about men (we’re actually pretty awesome), but we do tend to obsess about dumb things like our careers to the detriment of our families. It would be nice if feminism reminded everyone what’s actually important.

I’m enjoying Fargo season 4. And it’s prestige TV; that means watching an episode is equivalent to reading ten pages of a book.

Isn’t originalism just the Rule of Law? The law means the same thing yesterday as it does today and as it will tomorrow.

It’s originalism or judges just make stuff up whenever they feel like. I’m not really sure what the middle position is.

Some people seem to understand “originalism” about as well as they do “court packing.”

Is it just me, or does ACB sound a lot like Mindy Kaling?

As an originalist, I think some of you dummies should look up what people actually mean they use the term “originalist.”

I don’t think terrible people with horrible views on politics arbitrarily deciding what news stories is allowed is a great business model, but what do I know?

All politicians are lying and misleading constantly. Just ban politics from the platform if it bothers you, but arbitrarily cracking down on things because of your own myopic politics is dumb.

“I’m an originalist. That means we interpret laws by–”
“So you want everything collapsed into a singularity?! Because that’s how everything started at the Big Bang!”

get up every morning at 5am
“Time to make the satire. Hopefully today I can fool the president.”

“If you’re for originalism, then why aren’t you a single-celled organism?”
drops mic
steps on dropped mic and trips face first into a wall

It’s been a rough road with The Babylon Bee — mainly because of conservative Christians’ inability to be funny — but one day we hope to be the next Borowitz Report.
It’s so bizarre. We’re just a bunch of guys who every day say, “What’s a funny take on things?” Yet there’s all these people who put these negative motives on us.

I’d say the secret to humor these days is to avoid giving in to being hateful. Everything thinks they’re opponents are so bad that it’s good and virtuous to be hateful toward them but it’s always bad and dumb.

An AR-15 isn’t fundamentally different from any other gun except that it has a handle that allows you to carry it like a lunch box.

Finally watching Amazing Spider-Man 2 since I now know it will come up in the next Spider-Man movie.
I wasn’t planning to watch it all in one night (it almost two and a half hours) but it was compelling enough that I did. Was a bit overstuffed, though.
Oh, and anyone who knew the comics knew what was coming, but that was harsh.

If you want to change this country for the better, one of the least significant things you can do is vote.

“Goblet of Fire” seems like an odd name for the fourth Harry Potter. It’s just something from the beginning that’s not really that integral to the plot. Seems like it should have been “Harry Potter and the Tri-Wizard Tournament.”
Isn’t the Tri-Wizard Tournament the worst spectator event ever? In the first event, (in the movie) Harry takes all that action away from the spectators. For the second event, everyone is just staring at water for an hour. For the third, everyone is just looking at a misty maze.

Thanks to COVID, no theaters have enough people in them that it’s illegal to yell “Fire!”

“Someone yelled fire to try to cause panic in a theater? What percentage occupied was it? …Oh, well that doesn’t count as ‘crowded’ so that was still free speech as ruled by the Supreme Court in Crowd v Shouter.”

Winchester just did something so sweet it almost made me tear up. He had picked up a toy lightsaber and started hitting me with it. When I pretended he was hurting me, he crawled over, pulled himself standing, and gave me a hug. #DownSyndromeAwarenessMonth

This might be the least important presidential election of my lifetime. I don’t really see much changing with either choice.
Most important of my lifetime was the 1980 election. Think of how much of history would have changed if that turned out differently.
Actually, isn’t the most important presidential election of your lifetime always the first one? So many cascading effects if that turned our differently. And the least important is always the current one as it will have the least immediate effect.
So, yeah, the election you should get all worked up about is the one when you were a baby. Man, that one could have completely altered history. Maybe that’s why I cried so much in 1980.
Oh no. My wife just reminded me that by my own logic, this is the most important election of baby Winchester’s lifetime. No wonder he’s been so fussy! Don’t let him down!

“Want to try Outlander?” my wife suggested.
I thought it sounded cool. The Outlander. I bet he kills bad guys.
“There’s an article here that says that show is not just for women.”
Uh oh. What is this about?
Well, seven episodes in, I must report the show is just for women. The main protagonist is a woman who spends most of the show in contemplation — and not cool guy-type contemplations like “How do I kill everyone in this room?” but more like longing for stuff and junk.
I tried to suffer silently, clinging to the scraps in it I found interesting, but every episode is so so slow plotwise. It’s Twilight all over again. My wife finally decided to be merciful and said she’ll watch that one without me.

There’s a lot of focus on making it easier to vote — which is a fairly useless act very unlikely to help someone — when it seems the better idea is making it easier to move — an activity in which one gets to pick his whole government which has a large effect on a person.
Moving is also a much stronger signal than a vote of approval or disapproval and much more likely to cause an effect in response.
What if it was really super simple to just pick which of the different state governments you wanted to pay taxes to and receive services from. Now there is something that would affect change very quickly and make voting look pretty useless in comparison.
The stupid win-lose elections where people get to pretend to control the governments they’re stuck in have to go. If there were instead some way to have two competing governments of taxes and services in the same area where people could pick one, that would open things up.
Moving is hard. But if it were super simple to say, “Of these existing governments, I want this one and not this one” man would that enhance our liberty and let us focus on things that more directly affect us than these dumb horse races.
Anyway, just brainstorming. Trying to figure out some better way to change things that just saying “Hey, everybody get out and vote!” for decades and decades and decades.

I didn’t vote for Trump in 2016, but if I were registered to vote (I’m not) and happened to be out on Election Day (which I probably won’t be), I’d vote for him this year. I’m not anxious to get on to the next, worse thing.
I mean, I think he’s pretty terrible — but most people do and thus try to stop him. So that works out. I’m just really afraid a large portion of the population will think Biden is smart and good and don’t try to stop him. That would be the worst.
Also, in 2016, I made fun of the “But… but… SCOTUS!” people, and I have to admit they were much more right than I thought.

The only possible way I’d be interested in an Avatar sequel is if the weird blue guys are the bad guys this time.

The fun thing about being a silly satirical site is having to constantly fight platforms who don’t want people sharing your articles.

What’s the slogan for Tootsie Rolls? “Makes you think of chocolate!”?
“Unidentifiable substance with slight chocolate taste!”

A big thing about the Fargo series is getting to see actors play against type, and we’re certainly getting that this season seeing Chris Rock and Jason Schwartzman playing mob leaders. It’s… interesting.