Among the Virginian Clemenses were Jere. [short for Jeremiah] and Sherrard. Jere. Clemens had a wide reputation as a good pistol-shot, and once it enabled him to get on the friendly side of some drummers when they wouldn’t have paid any attention to mere smooth words and arguments. He was out stumping the state at the time. The drummers were grouped in front of the stand and had been hired by the opposition to drum while he made his speech. When he was ready to begin he got out his revolver and laid it before him and said, in his soft, silky way:

“I do not wish to hurt anybody and shall try not to, but I have got just a bullet apiece for those six drums, and if you should want to play on them don’t stand behind them.”

Sherrard Clemens was a Republican Congressman from West Virginia in the war days, and then went out to St. Louis, where the James Clemens branch lived and still lives, and there he became a warm rebel. This was after the war. At the time that he was a Republican I was a rebel; but by the time he had become a rebel I was become (temporarily) a Republican. The Clemenses have always done the best they could to keep the political balances level, no matter how much it might inconvenience them. I did not know what had become of Sherrard Clemens; but once I introduced Senator Hawley to a Republican mass meeting in New England, and then I got a bitter letter from Sherrard from St. Louis. He said that the Republicans of the North — no, the “mudsills of the North” — had swept away the old aristocracy of the South with fire and sword, and it ill became me, an aristocrat by blood, to train with that kind of swine. Did I forget that I was a Lambton?

That was a reference to my mother’s side of the house. My mother was a Lambton — Lambton with a p, for some of the American Lamptons could not spell very well in early times, and so the name suffered at their hands. She was a native of Kentucky, and married my father in Lexington in 1823, when she was twenty years old and he twenty-four. Neither of them had an overplus of property. She brought him two or three negroes, but nothing else, I think. They removed to the remote and secluded village of Jamestown, in the mountain solitudes of east Tennessee. There their first crop of children was born, but as I was of a later vintage, I do not remember anything about it. I was postponed — postponed to Missouri. Missouri was an unknown new state and needed attractions.

— Mark Twain’s Autobiographuy

Late ballots accepted,  

Ballots received before being sent,  

Single-candidate ballots,  

Dead people voting,  

More people voting than registered,  

More votes registered than voters,

People voting in multiple states,  

Ineligible voters,  

Maiden-name voters,  

Changing the rules to help voters “correct” their votes,

Dismissing poll workers (after which inputting of votes continues),

Accepting absentee ballots that were not folded nor mailed in envelopes,

Ballot dumps . . . all for one candidate,

Mixing of corrupted ballots with legal ballots, 

Machines adding votes,

Machines deleting votes,

Machines flipping votes, 

Machines simply not recording votes . . .

and to top it all off,

DemoCat pushing piles of Trump ballots off the table onto the floor with his paw!

This generation of kids will have zero social skills — other than being versatile enough to read Facebook while their teacher bloviates about global warming, and savvy enough to turn off their webcams before Toobin’ at the cheerleaders.