Here’s what a Hootenanny would’ve looked like in the good old days:

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I sure miss the good old days.

Ladies were ladies, and you could tell that just by looking at them.

Gentlemen were gentlemen! They never tweeted someone else while on a date. (If they did tweet, they certainly kept it successfully to themselves until Twitter was invented.)

Definitions, back then, were tautologies.

Black and white photos could coexist.

Sure, there was some music — and wars — you wouldn’t enjoy today, but you could say that about yesterday, and tomorrow, too. Well, I m not sure — you might get banned from Twitter for hate speech. (They left out the “We” in that, by the way.)

But the point is, while dancing with your darling to the Tennessee Waltz, you could at least be sure that she was genuine, pure, and good. Like a dream. Until we all woke.

Here at IMAO, we don’t want you to catch a cold or anything,

Before your lawyer fact-checks us, or the media slaps us with a lawsuit, we’d like to say that we don’t know everything about health. We’d like to say that, but it isn’t true.

You have to take care of your health! Here’s how: don’t touch or breathe in anything. This is tough in these trying times, and certainly in your kitchen, but if you follow these simple guidelines you will survive until 2128, which has its own downside.

The cough, the common cold — and its Biden cousin, undue influenza — have been with us for years, and have even taken lives, kind of grossly. You don’t want to be in that number, no matter how jazzy it sounds in a marching band in crime-ridden New Orleans or even more crime-ridden Disneyland.

Avioding those two places is suggestion number one for living a prolonged life.

Suggestion number two is don’t try to get ahead in politics like Kamala Harris did. Blecch.

Nowadays, you also have to worry about a disease called COVID. Not much is known about it, since it hasn’t been in the news very much. But the fact that it is spelled in all capital letters should alert you to the fact that it matters.

You should breathe your own exhalations, and under no circumstances visit loved ones even if they are dying. And you should let strangers mail in votes to your district, whether or not they live there. Because verifying that would be racist.

I think that about covers your health. Oh, and don’t ask anyone about their AIDS status, but ask everyone you know about their vaccination status. Yes, that’ll do it.

Also, if you go to the Olympics, pay attention to this warning which has since been removed from the CNN website. I don’t know why CNN removed it, but they did:

An Olympic Runner Says a Tainted Burrito She Ate Led to Positive Test for Steroid Use
CNN | 6/16/2021 | Jill Martin and Hollie Silverman

Olympic runner Shelby Houlihan said she has been banned from the sport for four years following a positive test for anabolic steroids that she attributes to eating a pork burrito. Houlihan said she was devastated to learn of the suspension from the Athletics Integrity Unit (AIU), an independent body that combats doping, after she tested positive for nandrolone.

Houlihan said in a post on Instagram Monday that a burrito she ate before the test contained pig organ meat, or offal, which she said can lead to a positive test for nandrolone. A study funded by the World Anti-Doping Agency (WADA)…

If you have to go before WADA, consider your life choices.

Too good to pass up, from Biscuit:

“Back when Biden was driving 18-wheelers…I would ride a cow to the moon with a big magnifying glass. I would use that to melt that delicious, delicious cheese and make moon nachos, which I would sell in a stand on the side of the highway. ‘Ol Foggy-Bottom Joe use to love stopping for my moon nachos and a nice leg rub.”

… and from Dohtimes, too good not to get on the NSA’s watchlist:

Back when Biden was driving 18-Wheelers:

…fake ballots had to be delivered the old fashioned way.

….was before the time everything was called you know, the thing, and pudding was yet to be one of the one basic food group.

…Donald Trump was driving a thirty-six wheeler.

… And here’s the predecessor. Oh, hey, is that a machine gun mounted on the back?

We’ve all seen photos, and have come up with funny captions.

Here’s a new challenge. Even Solomon in all his glory never essayed this.

A caption is given, and you must describe the image.

(By the by, the opposite of “Caption This!” is “Siht No! It Pac!”)

Here’s the caption:

“That’s our president, son.”

The image?

Here at IMAO we seldom talk about Harry and Meghan for the very good reason that we seldom talk about Harry and Meghan. However, this has come to our attention:

Prince Harry Just Responded to Rumors He’s Releasing Another Tell-All After the Queen Dies
U.K. Daily Mail | 7/28/2021 | Jason Pham

That just reeks of class, doesn’t it? Not the Oppo class, of course, but some type of class. Well, it certainly reeks.

… However, the Daily Mail reported on Monday, July 26, that the upcoming memoir isn’t the only book that Harry plans to release. The newspaper claims that Harry signed a four-book deal for a starting price of $25 million and a possible final figure of $35 to $40 million.

The Daily Mail reported that the first book, which Harry already announced, will be published in June 2022 around the time of the Queen’s Platinum Jubilee.

The newspaper claimed that the second book, another memoir, will be held until after the Queen, 95, dies.

The third book will be a wellness guide written by Harry’s wife, Meghan Markle.

The subject and author of the fourth book is still be to determined.

So, what might be the subject of the fourth book?

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What We Know About Hillary Clinton That Might Send Her To Prison Forever

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Baubles! A Story of Diamonds Thrown in the Trash

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COVID Lockdown in a Mansion: Purells Before Swine

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A Macroscopic Probe of Quantum States in Relation To Exotic Nuclei