Little will he know that I installed a real fireplace behind the picture of a fireplace before returning the picture to it’s original position. 40 years from now when you allow him to retire, we’ll have a retirement party in his office. I’ll remove the picture and light a real fire.
Well if I get a say in the negotiations, it would be to increase the amount he has to pay to be here by half for every third increase in his output. Pro-rated of course by the amount of time he spends on vacation so that things can actually get done around here.
I mean, that was the contract that was pitched to me, anyway. Might as well make it all even Steven.
That’s a movie prop of a telephone that we hollowed out so that Walrus has a place to quickly hide the action figures he plays with if anyone dares to enter without knocking.
Are you sure? I heard from the guy who pumps my septic tank that last year, the wet bandit aria launched the deputy chair of the inland wetlands board’s local TV career.
Could be your big shot. Unless you got the role of Buzz. That’s a dead end gig, for sure.
I would say your wrong but I can’t quite make out anything approaching a meaningful sentence there.
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Well, I’ll grant you that I’m unintelligible but I more than make up for it with confusing.
Isn’t it rich?
Are we a pair?
Me here at last on the ground
You in mid-air
That little creep!
Isn’t it bliss?
Don’t you approve?
One who keeps tearing around
One who can’t move
Where is the kid?
What was that sound?
Just when I’d stopped opening doors
Finally knowing the one that I wanted was yours
Making my entrance again with my usual flair
Sure of my lines
No one is there
Who threw that brick?
What is that smell?
And now here I stand with my hair smoking
This just might be hell.
Send in the cops.
Please save me cops!
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2
I see a reflection in the mirror of someone’s head exploding!
That’s gonna make a mess for him when he gets back.
Little will he know that I installed a real fireplace behind the picture of a fireplace before returning the picture to it’s original position. 40 years from now when you allow him to retire, we’ll have a retirement party in his office. I’ll remove the picture and light a real fire.
That’ll gettem!
Fiendishly devious. I like it.
But he’ll keep lighting the picture on fire.
And he has no retirement option, no severance package, and no party planned.
I quit. Let The Emu take my place.
Precipitous!
Let’s negotiate an increase in pay commensurate with an increase in output.
Plus, you got the cushy office.
Well if I get a say in the negotiations, it would be to increase the amount he has to pay to be here by half for every third increase in his output. Pro-rated of course by the amount of time he spends on vacation so that things can actually get done around here.
I mean, that was the contract that was pitched to me, anyway. Might as well make it all even Steven.
Great…. Now you’ve got HR involved. Nothing will ever get done.
I didn’t know Pufnstuf was still around…
I want 7 figures, and none of those Space Ball ones.
Interns’ figures . . .
Yeah. I know I don’t work there. But I have to do something with my time besides hide in the walls.
What the hell are you talking about? You do more work here than we do.
You almost make that sound like an accomplishment.
Did . . . did someone roll away his desk chair while he was gone?
Books on his desk:
Jokes A-K
Jokes L-S
Jokes T-Z
Not Jokes A-K
Not Jokes L-S
Not Jokes T
Enemies List
It’s more an encyclopedia than a list, really.
Andi just thought of a great retirement gift: the newest edition of Not jokes U-Z
He’s stuck on T’s
I don’t blame him. Of all the places to be stuck, those are at the top of my list.
The file cabinet is full of applications from wannabe Babesleaga contestants.
And, for some unfathomable reason, the transcript of a conversation with Richard Simmons.
“How did he do?”
“FABULOUS!”
Way off to the right you can just see the edge of the extremely comfortable stuffed intern’s chair.
Short skirts mandatory.
Interviewer’s chair strategically placed.
Phone also strategically placed, to be picked up and yelled into:
“I don’t want to be disturbed!”
{Voice on the other end:} “Who does?”
(h/t Cheers)
Awe, when I get hired, can I have a comfortable stuffed intern too?
How come only the two middle drawers of the filing cabinet are labeled?
It’s for security purposes. In case we are hacked by Liberals.
Just to confuse Merrick Garland if he ever shows up with a warrant.
… again.
What the heck is that suspicious funny looking black thing on the table in the foreground?
That’s a movie prop of a telephone that we hollowed out so that Walrus has a place to quickly hide the action figures he plays with if anyone dares to enter without knocking.
No one enters without permission, that’s why we have The Emu.
Whew! As long as he’s guarding the door, I’m safe…
Don’t forget Kevin.
Practicing your lines for the Adult Ed Center performance of Home Alone, The Musical?
macaulay_culkin_scream. Gif
Wrong bird.
Are you sure? I heard from the guy who pumps my septic tank that last year, the wet bandit aria launched the deputy chair of the inland wetlands board’s local TV career.
Could be your big shot. Unless you got the role of Buzz. That’s a dead end gig, for sure.
I would say your wrong but I can’t quite make out anything approaching a meaningful sentence there.
Well, I’ll grant you that I’m unintelligible but I more than make up for it with confusing.
Isn’t it rich?
Are we a pair?
Me here at last on the ground
You in mid-air
That little creep!
Isn’t it bliss?
Don’t you approve?
One who keeps tearing around
One who can’t move
Where is the kid?
What was that sound?
Just when I’d stopped opening doors
Finally knowing the one that I wanted was yours
Making my entrance again with my usual flair
Sure of my lines
No one is there
Who threw that brick?
What is that smell?
And now here I stand with my hair smoking
This just might be hell.
Send in the cops.
Please save me cops!
I see a reflection in the mirror of someone’s head exploding!
That’s gonna make a mess for him when he gets back.