Straight Line of the Day: True story: desk clerk at a biker motel once told me “You *DON’T* want to stay here.” Another time a life was saved was when…
. . . Nobody, apparently, showed up to give this guy some timely advice:
Ghana Zoo Lion Kills Man Who Attempted To ‘Steal’ Rare White Cub
New York Post | 8/30/2022 | Snejana Farberov
…when the election judge advised “Don’t vote the Rhoomba, it glitches.”
“On 42nd Street, don’t mess around with Big Jim Walker… er, or more recently Slim.”
Another Time a Life Was Saved Was When…
I told Hedley Lamarr, “Now for my next impression, Roger Bannister!”
…don’t answer the door if the answer to “Who’s there?” is “Candygram,” “Plumber,” or “Landshark.”
Don’t do it… if a relative ever says, “You should try this…. Here, I’ll hold your beer.”
You’re missing out on some of the best times one could ever have.
Right, most funerals are a blast. 😉
Another Time a Life Was Saved Was When…
I refrained from calling the witch doctor a fraud.
… I was told not to annoy the Emu – words to live by were never more true …
…the post office stopped the delivery of 5lbs of powdered borax to Hunter Biden’s apartment.
…Stevie Wonder scrapped the idea of being a NYC cab driver in favor of becoming a recording artist.
…The Master Sargent at the DMZ suggested to Kamala that she doesn’t go shake hands with our allies on the other side of the gravel
…Melvin, the Mohican, overslept when Chuck Norris walked into a bar full of drunk Mohicans.
…Bill Clinton didn’t kill himself when Jeffrey Epstein didn’t kill himself.
When that other guy said “You’re joking right” when I announced I was flushing the toilet, unaware that the s-tank was pressurized.
True story: desk clerk at a biker motel once told me “You DON’T want to stay here.” Another time a life was saved was when…
I missed that flight to LA on 9/11.
..the time…An altar boy held his candle out straight in front of himself to prevent Joe Biden from approaching him after his speech to the church. Secret Service agent warned the kid not to have an open flame near Joes backside because he could blow them all up…
…a friend who worked in a testing lab at a stockyard once told me “I’d avoid Taco Bell and Wendy’s for a while. “Technically” the beef we’re testing for them is safe, but…”
This was in the mid ’90s so I’m sure there nothing to worry about now.
My mama used to tell me “avoid the company of emus”. Who knows how many of my lives that’s saved.
True story: desk clerk at a biker motel once told me “You DON’T want to stay here.” Another time a life was saved was when…
I was told to avoid the ACME catalog.