Jimmy and I go way back. I remember when as teenagers we were in a gang together. We called ourselves The Jets and we used to have dance-offs with rival gangs like The Corn Pops. They were bad dudes. No joke.
Brandon: “Jimmy gave away the Panama Canal as if it were just an ice cream cone.
Well I’m here to say I would have done the same! Plus I would have given every Panamanian 5 million dollars in reparations”!
We use to ride the trains together…Jimmy and I….long trains…full of peanuts..we had to guard the trains againgst elephants..and I don’t have to tell you how bad they are…one day Jimmy and I were off loading peanuts when this elephant..bigger than the rest approached..he was so loud calling the others with his trunk…we called him TRUMPet..when..oh look..there’s ice cream…
“I am honored to have been chosen to deliver this Iran hostage mission of eulogies, after the Carter family was turned down by John Fetterman. I was first in my class in law school at delivering eulogies, no joke. I gave Beau’s eulogy after he was killed on PT-109, according to fact checkers.”
“Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what foreign countries can do for your family.”
“The dunce cap has been passed to a woke generation, born in this century, tempered by nutty professors, disciplined by no one, destructive of our ancient heritage, and willing to expunge those human rights to which this nation has always been committed.”
Jimmy and I go way back. I remember when as teenagers we were in a gang together. We called ourselves The Jets and we used to have dance-offs with rival gangs like The Corn Pops. They were bad dudes. No joke.
Brandon: “Jimmy gave away the Panama Canal as if it were just an ice cream cone.
Well I’m here to say I would have done the same! Plus I would have given every Panamanian 5 million dollars in reparations”!
What memorable lines can we expect from Brandon’s upcoming eulogy of Jimmy Carter?
The only reason I can reach the heights of incompetent government is because I stood on the shoulders of this giant.
We use to ride the trains together…Jimmy and I….long trains…full of peanuts..we had to guard the trains againgst elephants..and I don’t have to tell you how bad they are…one day Jimmy and I were off loading peanuts when this elephant..bigger than the rest approached..he was so loud calling the others with his trunk…we called him TRUMPet..when..oh look..there’s ice cream…
“. . . and I asked my Dad, ‘Why is that male one Scranton the other male one?’ And I had an elepiphany.”
“I’m here to pay tribute to my friend what’s-his-name, but first, let me tell you about my son Beau.”
“I’m told Jimmy Carter is here, stand up Jimmy.”
“We are here to honor a great former president, you know, the thing.”
“Hello, Amy. I haven’t sniffed you in decades.”
Bacon!…hickory smoked.
“We are here today to honor a truly outstanding man and President – Jimmy, where are you, man?”
Drat, Gumbeaux nipped me at the wire. Feel free to disparage my feeble effort…
GMTA
You still deserve bacon..thinly sliced and Xtra crispy.
“This reminds me of a story from our family peanut farm in Scranton.”
“Don’t read this out loud, but turn the page.”
“He would have lived to be 100 had he taken his prescription of trunalimunumaprzure.”
“My son Beau had a Billy Beer can collection.”
Hateful Republicans have said that Jimmy Carter was the worst president in history. I have two words for them…
Hold.
My.
Beer!
What Memorable Lines Can We Expect From Brandon’s Upcoming Eulogy of Jimmy Carter?
We can all find inspiration from Jimmy’s courage on April 20th 1979. When Jimmy narrowly escaped the dastardly assassination attempt.
“…Give that man an oar and he’ll whack a rabbit.”
What Memorable Lines Can We Expect From Brandon’s Upcoming Eulogy of Jimmy Carter?
Remember, James Earl Carter was the last American to stand on the deck of the USS Pueblo.
“…I remember when he told me I shouldn’t be President because my peanuts was too small… Ah, maybe he didn’t use the word peanuts.”
I remember when he took on a fierce, hissing rabbit without the aid of the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch.
“Jimmy was well known for his volunteer work for Habits for Humanity … mine are eating ice cream and never doing serious work before 10AM.”
“I am honored to have been chosen to deliver this Iran hostage mission of eulogies, after the Carter family was turned down by John Fetterman. I was first in my class in law school at delivering eulogies, no joke. I gave Beau’s eulogy after he was killed on PT-109, according to fact checkers.”
“Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what foreign countries can do for your family.”
“The dunce cap has been passed to a woke generation, born in this century, tempered by nutty professors, disciplined by no one, destructive of our ancient heritage, and willing to expunge those human rights to which this nation has always been committed.”
“So today we are here to celebrate the life of Walter Mondale’s straight man.”
“Kamala was hoping to hear two eulogies today.”
“In honor of um, uh, that guy over there, we will have gas lines starting Tuesday, if your license plates start with a letter.”
“After the service, Dr. Jill said there are refreshments in the bogota. Breakfast tacos, no malarkey.”
Joe will start out with a joke like, “Do you know who had bigger b00bs than Dolly Parton? Miss Lillian, ’cause she had Jimmy and Billy.”
Here’s to Jimmy Carter, the first of a line of Democratic Presidents that gave America the Habitat for Inanity.
Memorable? Face it,I have just about the same chance of remembering something Biden says as Biden himself does…
“Today we celebrate the life of Woodrow Wilson. I hear my wife channels his wife daily.”
“To the Carter family: I get ten percent of the funeral cost. I don’t work for peanuts you know.”
“Don’t worry Jimmy, your vote for Biden in 2024 is already recorded. Many times, in fact.”
“After this eulogy, Power Line TWIP will need a lot more bandwidth this Saturday.”
He was a smart man but his doctor claims his brain activity didn’t match mine until just before he was declared dead.
Teach that bastid to steal my jello after I used executive privilege on it.
“Given the horrific results of my policies, I think it appropriate here that I plagiarize the ‘malaise’ speech. Good times. Good times.”
“2nd greatest president after me and comilla oh and dr. jill. Isn’t that what I’m supposed to say. I get ice cream when I’m done, they tell me.”