Straight Line of the Day: New Facts About Russia: …

Welcome to IMAO! Rare Photo of Lee Harvey Oswald Growing Up

Cartoons and Memes

“Happy Fourth of July Weekend Mr. Walrus.”

“Starting a bit early, aren’t we?”

“More time to party for the greatest country on Earth.”

“Huzzah!”

Winners

Tie

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This week’s entries

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This poll is no longer accepting votes

Which one is funniest?
82 votes · 82 answers

Dancing, Dancing

He still doesn’t get it! Tone deaf Anheuser-Busch CEO won’t rule out Bud Light working with Dylan Mulvaney AGAIN – and then says firm needs to ‘appreciate’ what the consumer wants – despite debacle costing firm $20 BILLION and counting
Daily Mail UK | June 28, 2023 | Emma James

Anheuser-Busch’s CEO has refused to rule out partnering with transgender influencer Dylan Mulvaney again – as he avoided answering how much the marketing blunder had cost Bud Light.

Brendan Whitworth, US CEO, insisted that his priority was his employees and added that they had poured three times the amount of investment into Bud Light for this year – as the company has lost a staggering $20billion in market cap.

Speaking to CBS Mornings, Whitworth was asked if he would send Mulvaney, 26, another can, knowing the backlash.

But instead of giving a definitive answer, the CEO instead launched into a pre-rehearsed speech about the ‘social conversation’ that the disaster campaign caused.

Whitworth added that they ‘need to deeply understand the consumer’ and ‘appreciate’ what they want’ from the brand, as he was blasted on social media for doing a ‘dismal job’.

He was then challenged over his refusal to answer, with Tony Dokoupil asking if the decision was a mistake – as sales for the beer dropped a staggering 28.5 percent.

Ah, My Test Results Are In, After That Deep-Fried Bacon Double-Cheeseburger Pizza With Extra Cheese

However, “Consuming Bud Light Beer” Would Have Rhymed Much Better

NBC News DEFENDS ‘we’re coming for your children’ chant at NYC drag march, arguing it’s ‘been used for years at Pride events’
Post Millennial | June 28, 2023 | Libby Emmons

The Drag March in Manhattan’s East Village featured topless women and plenty of drag performers chanting “We’re coming for your children.” A clip from Timcast of the event, the chanting, and the festivities went viral on social media, infuriating many who value childhood innocence. In response, NBC defended the chant, saying that it was just for fun, and is a way for LGBTQIA+ people to “own” the slurs that have been leveled against them.

“We’re here, we’re queer, we’re coming for your children,” they sang to each other.

NBC asserted that the drag marchers were saying “We’re here, we’re queer, we’re not going shopping,” and that it’s only “one voice that is louder than the crowd” who said, “We’re coming for your children.” They quote the drag march organizer, Brian Griffin, who said that they chanted obscene things to basically own the slurs.

It’s all just words,” Griffin said, per NBC. “It’s all presented to fulfill their worst stereotypes of us.”

Bear News

I love a good bear story — from the safety of my living room, that is.

A polar bear emerged from the sea and was attempting to enter the tent.

Not a sentence you ever want included if you are the subject of a story.

. . . the instant where my stifled scream broke free and the dream was gone. Sitting bolt upright in my sleeping bag, gun in my hand, my world was defined by a domed envelope of yellow nylon.

“BEAR!” I bellowed, grabbing the zipper on the doorway. The stillness of that moment was broken by the ripping of the zipper teeth. The tent door fell away, revealing a very black and moist nose, straddled by two wide and startled eyes. In the space of three pulls on the trigger, two things became certain: A bear had died in the High Arctic, and I was fully awake, bent forward in my sleeping bag.

AmmoLand | June 21, 2023 | Dean Weingarten

(Whoever he was yelling “Bear!” to was of no apparent help.)

Master Negotiator

BIDEN: “Add to that: One million American jobs across 44 states will by supported by the purchase of more than 200 — more than 200 American-made Boeing aircraft by — that Air India is announcing earlier this year.”

— Remarks by President Biden and Prime Minister Modi of the Republic of India in Joint Press Conference, June 22, 2023

“Is announcing earlier this year”?

Airbus Wins Largest Commercial Aircraft Order In History With IndiGo’s 500-Plane Order
Forbes | June 19, 2023 | Molly Bohannon

Airbus, a European aerospace company, announced a deal Monday to sell 500 single-aisle planes to IndiGo, India’s largest airline, in what is now the biggest plane deal in history.

The agreement will make IndiGo the world’s biggest A320 Family—the Airbus aircraft line that is one of the best-selling in the world—customer, bringing the total number of Airbus aircraft IndiGo has ordered to 1,330.

And don’t think he didn’t face a tough press! [Questions on China and climate change followed]

PRESIDENT BIDEN:  I’m told there are two questioners: Sabrina from the Wall Street Journal and Kumar from the Trust of India. 

And, Sabrina, you first. 

Straight Line of the Day: Other Add-Ons to California’s Bullet Train Promise: …

California’s Imaginary Solar-Powered Bullet Train
washingtonexaminer.com | June 16, 2023 | Jack Elbaum

When California voters passed a referendum in 2008 to construct a high-speed rail connecting Los Angeles to San Francisco, there was no shortage of skeptics. Forty-seven percent of the state voted against the plan, and a group of think tanks issued a nearly 200-page report that year arguing costs would skyrocket, ridership would not match projections, and the environmental benefits were overstated.

The skeptics, of course, have been vindicated. But few thought it would be as bad as it has since turned out to be. Fifteen years, and countless setbacks later, not a single mile of track has been laid, and estimated costs have risen to $128 billion — or $200 million per mile. There is no money left, and even the secretary of the California State Transportation Agency now admits, “We can’t get this project done without federal support. It’s just not going to happen.“

Nevertheless, Forbes reported last week that the California High-Speed Rail Authority now plans for the entire project to be powered by solar energy once it is complete because…why not? After all, it is not as if this bullet train is ever going to exist anyway. As such, its visionaries certainly have an interest in periodically devising new, wholly unrealistic schemes that appeal to those who voted for it as a way of distracting from their incompetence.

Forbes noted the plan includes “552 acres of solar panels generating 44 megawatts of electricity” and that “work could begin by 2026 to ensure it’s ready to power trains by 2030.”

Welcome to IMAO! Our Waiting Room Involves a Significant Amount of Waiting

SI Swimsuit Madness : Rd. 2 Matches 53 & 54

Hello all and we have the next group of 8 complete. Below are the results and further we head back to second round action withis groups winners.

Rd.1 Match 15 Hailey Clauson 125 Defeats Gigi Hadid 50

This poll is no longer accepting votes

Who do you prefer?
74 votes

Rd. 1 Match 16 Hannah Ferguson 121 Defeats Hailey Kalil 50

This poll is no longer accepting votes

Who do you prefer?
72 votes

Rd. 2 Match 53

Chase Carter vs Christen Harper

Chase Carter

  • Rd.1 Match 9 Defeated Caroline Marks 138-77

VS

Christen Harper

  • Rd.1 Match 10 Defeated Chrissy Tiegen 208-18

This poll is no longer accepting votes

Who do you prefer?
73 votes

Rd. 2 Match 54

Clair Bidez vs Dominique Piek

Clair Bidez

  • Rd. 1 Match 11 Defeated Christie Valdesrri 275-12

VS

Dominique Piek

  • Rd.1 Match 12 Defeated Danielle Herrington 189-67

This poll is no longer accepting votes

Who do you prefer?
74 votes

Shakespeare Suspected To Have Performed the First Female-to-Male Transition Surgery

“What a piece of work is a man!”

Lord, what fools these mortals be.

IMAO Banned From Internet!

For spreading misinformation!!1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

For almost employing the word “henceforth.” Who employs that? With so many other words applying for employment? Come on, man!

DamnCat is not a cat!

Tankdemon is not a demon!

Walrus is not a walrus!

Gene is not identifiable as one single identifiable Gene or another!

These are not the times to say “Doh!”

[Burt is not Burt!]

Biscuit is not a biscuit!

Oppo is — oppo.

Zzyzx is, of course, exempt from all rational discussion. And always will be. Why am I asking you?

“Kinda Sorta Bob B-like Bot” is not kinda sorta anything of the kind, Homeland Security says.

Sorry — “Rodney Dill,” “Andy,” “ScottyT,” “Hadsil,” and “c64wood” don’t lend themselves to jokes. Good for you guys. Smart. Way too smart.

Blast From the Past

Flores (right), Eva Longoria (left) in 2014 with pathetic senile groping weirdo (middle)

I saw that Eva Longoria was at the White House again now, in 2023, to promote her film, and got her breasts groped by Joe. Serves her right. And her left.

An Awkward Kiss Changed How I Saw Joe Biden

The Cut | Lucy Flores | March 29, 2019

I found my way to the holding room for the speakers, where everyone was chatting, taking photos, and getting ready to speak to the hundreds of voters in the audience. Just before the speeches, we were ushered to the side of the stage where we were lined up by order of introduction. As I was taking deep breaths and preparing myself to make my case to the crowd, I felt two hands on my shoulders. I froze. “Why is the vice-president of the United States touching me?”

I felt him get closer to me from behind. He leaned further in and inhaled my hair. I was mortified. I thought to myself, “I didn’t wash my hair today and the vice-president of the United States is smelling it. And also, what in the actual fuck? Why is the vice-president of the United States smelling my hair?” He proceeded to plant a big slow kiss on the back of my head. My brain couldn’t process what was happening. I was embarrassed. I was shocked. I was confused. There is a Spanish saying, “tragame tierra,” it means, “earth, swallow me whole.” I couldn’t move and I couldn’t say anything. I wanted nothing more than to get Biden away from me. My name was called and I was never happier to get on stage in front of an audience.

By then, as a young Latina in politics, I had gotten used to feeling like an outsider in rooms dominated by white men. But I had never experienced anything so blatantly inappropriate and unnerving before. Biden was the second-most powerful man in the country and, arguably, one of the most powerful men in the world. He was there to promote me as the right person for the lieutenant governor job. Instead, he made me feel uneasy, gross, and confused. The vice-president of the United States of America had just touched me in an intimate way reserved for close friends, family, or romantic partners — and I felt powerless to do anything about it.

Our strange interaction happened during a pivotal moment in my political career. I’d spent months raising money, talking to voters, and securing endorsements. Biden came to Nevada to speak to my leadership and my potential to be second-in-command — an important role he knew firsthand. But he stopped treating me like a peer the moment he touched me. Even if his behavior wasn’t violent or sexual, it was demeaning and disrespectful. I wasn’t attending the rally as his mentee or even his friend; I was there as the most qualified person for the job.

Imagine you’re at work and a male colleague who you have no personal relationship with approaches you from behind, smells your hair, and kisses you on the head. Now imagine it’s the CEO of the company. If Biden and I worked together in a traditional office, I would have complained to the HR department, but on the campaign trail, there’s no clear path for what to do when a powerful man crosses the line. In politics, you shrug it off, smile for the cameras, and get back to the task of trying to win your race.

After the event, I told a few of my staff what happened. We all talked about the inexplicable weirdness of what he did, but I didn’t plan on telling anyone else. I didn’t have the language or the outlet to talk about what happened. Who do you tell? What do you say? Is it enough of a transgression if a man touches and kisses you without consent, but doesn’t rise to the level of what most people consider sexual assault? I did what most women do, and moved on with my life and my work.

Time passed and pictures started to surface of Vice-President Biden getting uncomfortably close with women and young girls. Biden nuzzling the neck of the Defense secretary’s wife; Biden kissing a senator’s wife on the lips; Biden whispering in women’s ears; Biden snuggling female constituents. I saw obvious discomfort in the women’s faces, and Biden, I’m sure, never thought twice about how it made them feel. I knew I couldn’t say anything publicly about what those pictures surfaced for me; my anger and my resentment grew.

Had I never seen those pictures, I may have been able to give Biden the benefit of the doubt. Had there not been multiple articles written over the years about the exact same thing — calling his creepy behavior an “open secret” — perhaps it would feel less offensive. And yet despite the steady stream of pictures and the occasional article, Biden retained his title of America’s Favorite Uncle. On occasion that title was downgraded to America’s Creepy Uncle but that in and of itself implied a certain level of acceptance. After all, how many families just tolerate or keep their young children away from the creepy uncle without ever acknowledging that there should be zero tolerance for a man who persistently invades others’ personal space and makes people feel uneasy and gross? In this case, it shows a lack of empathy for the women and young girls whose space he is invading, and ignores the power imbalance that exists between Biden and the women he chooses to get cozy with.

For years I feared my experience would be dismissed. Biden will be Biden. Boys will be boys. I worried about the doubts, the threats, the insults, and the minimization. “It’s not that big of a deal. He touched her, so what?” The immediate passing of judgement and the questioning of motives. “Why now? Why so long after? She just wants attention.” Or: “It’s politically motivated.” I would be lying if I said I didn’t carefully consider all of this before deciding to speak. But hearing Biden’s potential candidacy for president discussed without much talk about his troubling past as it relates to women became too much to keep bottled up any longer.

When I spoke to a male friend who is also a political operative in Biden’s orbit — the first man who had heard the story outside of my staff and close friends years ago — he did what no one else had and made me question myself and wonder if I was doing the right thingHe reminded me that Biden has significant resources and argued points that made me question my memory, even though I’ve replayed that scene in my mind a thousand times. He reminded me that my credibility would be attacked and that I should be prepared for the type of “back and forth” that could occur. (When reached by New York Magazine, a representative for Vice-President Joe Biden declined to comment.)

I’m not suggesting that Biden broke any laws, but the transgressions that society deems minor (or doesn’t even see as transgressions) often feel considerable to the person on the receiving end. That imbalance of power and attention is the whole point — and the whole problem.

and…

Mika Defends Biden: Accuser Misconstrued Him, He Only Meant to be ‘Kind’
NewsBusters ^ | Mark Finkelstein | 4/1/2019

In the wake of Lucy Flores’ accusation of inappropriate touching by Joe Biden, Morning Joe has wrapped Biden in a warm embrace, metaphorically nuzzling his neck and planting a big warm kiss on the top of his head.

On Monday’s show, Joe Scarborough and former Hillary campaign aide Adrienne Elrod rose first to support good old Uncle Joe. Then came Mika Brzezinski with a more explicit defense of Biden’s creepy behavior. Yes, Brzezinski acknowledged, Biden is “extremely affectionate and flirtatious.” But it’s in a “completely safe way.” She suggested that Flores had misconstrued Biden’s behavior, and ended by claiming that Biden never “meant anything from it except to be nice, to be kind.”

‘Queer Eye On The Straight Guy’ Debuts — Season 1: “You Will All Be Ass Stimulated”

Big, big, Buttigieg Brother Is Watching You