This is a reposting of one of Harvey’s classics. There’s a link to the book in the sidebar. — The Editors

Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States, where – week by week – I’ll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting, yet completely useless and probably untrue, information about each of the 50 states.

This week, it’s time to use your hand for a map, because we’re headed off to Michigan, so let’s get started …

• Michigan became the 26th state on January 26th, 1837, and was originally a penal colony for disloyal Canadians who refused to say “eh?” at the end of every sentence.
• If someone from Michigan flips you off, don’t be offended. He’s probably just trying to tell you to take I-75 to Mackinaw City.
• Famous singer Madonna was born in Detriot, Michigan, which may explain why her bras looked like the hubcaps from a ’57 Chevy.
• Michigan’s nickname is the “Wolverine State”, even though there are no longer any wolverines in the state. The last Michigan wolverine died in 1872 when it was eaten by a badger while attempting to sneak across the border into Wisconsin.
• Rogers City, Michigan boasts the world’s largest limestone quarry, which is where Fred Flintstone used to work before he made it big in Hollywood.
• Yes, I know Fred Flintstone lived in Bedrock, but he commuted.
• Being surrounded by four of the five Great Lakes, Michigan has more bridges than any other state, most of which Ted Kennedy has driven off of at one time or another.
• The Detroit Zoo does not keep its animals in cages, because they all know better than to wander the streets of Detroit after dark.
• Industrialist Henry Ford was born in Dearborn, Michigan, and invented the assembly line to streamline the process of killing union agitators.
• The world’s largest crucifix is located in Indian River, Michigan. Requests from the National Endowment for the Arts to dip it in the world’s largest jar of urine have so far been ignored.
• The Ambassador Bridge connecting Michigan to Canada was built in 1953 and has since been heavily mined to prevent more talentless, hack actors like William Shatner from sneaking into our country.
• No matter where you stand in Michigan, you’re less than 100 miles from one of the Great Lakes. If you’re in Detroit, you’re also less than 100 feet from the scene of a violent crime.
• Politician Thomas Dewey was born in Owosso, Michigan, and mentored Al Gore in how to lose a close election.
• Most snowblowers sold in Michigan are manufactured in Detroit and come with 10-year/100,000 mile warranties.
• They usually expire due to mileage.
• The name Michigan comes from the Chippewa Indian word “Mishigawa,” meaning “half my pocket change is Canadian, eh?”
• Rock & Roll legend Ted Nugent was born in Detroit, Michigan, but left the state in 1982 after he ran out of animals to kill there.
• Although the Western shore of Michigan has many large sand dunes, it has no camels as they were hunted to extinction by Ted Nugent in 1981.
• James Vernor invented Ginger Ale in his Detroit pharmacy. It’s one of the most popular drinks in the nation, except in Kansas, where it’s regularly outsold by Mary Ann Ale.
• Michigan is the only place in the world with a floating post office, which is frequently attacked by disgruntled former employees “going pirate.”
• Aviator Charles Lindbergh was born in Detroit, Michigan. His solo flight across the Atlantic in 1927 was the first recorded instance of an American being glad to arrive in France.
• Michigan has more than 11,000 lakes, all of which have – at one time or another – hidden Jimmy Hoffa.
• In the 1950’s & 60’s, the prevalence of Detroit black singing groups created the style of music known as “Motown”. Since the advent of rap, it’s been called “Mofotown.”
• In 1929, The Michigan State Police established the world’s first police radio system after inventing the chocolate glazed radio receiver.
• The state reptile of Michigan is the Painted Turtle, or – as the natives refer to it – the Crunchy Speed Bump.

That wraps up the Michigan edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we’ll STILL be frighteningly vulnerable to Canadian moose attacks as we explore Minnesota.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go jam out to some funky Mofotown grooves.

[The complete e-book version of “Fun Facts About the 50 States” is now available at Amazon.com. If you don’t have a Kindle, you can download free Kindle apps for your web browser, smartphone, computer, or tablet from Amazon.com]

This is a reposting of one of Harvey’s classics. There’s a link to the book in the sidebar. — The Editors

Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States, where – week by week – I’ll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting, yet completely useless and probably untrue, information about each of the 50 states.

This week, we’re going to where “rustic charm” is just a real-estate-euphemism for “front-yard washing machine” as we head on down to Arkansas, so let’s get started…

• Arkansas is a medium-sized state in the south central US. It became the 25th state in 1836 in an effort to make Mississippians appear comparatively well-educated.
• The pine tree is the official state tree of Arkansas, although there is a growing movement in the state to nominate the oak tree, because it’s not as hard to spell.
• The state motto of Arkansas is “book learnin’s fer sissies!”
• Little Rock, Arkansas, is the site of the Bill Clinton Presidential Library. Just look for the building that’s shaped like a damp cigar.
• There’s also a Hillary Clinton Library, which is shaped like an unquenchable thirst for political power.
• Arkansas has several state flowers, including Apple Blossoms, Violets, and Gennifer.
• Arkansas was orginally owned by the French, but was sold to the US as part of the Louisiana Purchase in 1803. Thomas Jefferson tried to return Arkansas as defective merchandise, but he forgot to keep the receipt, so we’ve been stuck with it ever since.
• America’s winningest college football coach, Paul “Bear” Bryant was born in Arkansas. His nickname came from his habit of storming up and down the sidelines with his head stuck in a jar of honey.
• The city of Hot Springs, Arkansas is known for its many natural hot-water springs, which have an average temperature of 140 degrees. The area was known to the Sioux Indians as “Degataga” which means “OW! OW! OW!”
• General Douglas McArthur was born in Little Rock, Arkansas, but soon left the state in search of more Japs upon whom to wreak bloody vengeance.
• The 4 stars inside the white diamond on the Arkansas state flag represent the 4 important aspects of Arkansas life: babes, booze, betting and brawling.
• Arkansas re-instated the death penalty in 1991, but only for capital crimes such as murder and pronouncing the state’s name as ar-KAN-sas.
• Poet, actress, and singer Maya Angelou was not only born in Arkansas, she was also invited by Bill Clinton to read a poem at his 1993 inaugural. Amazingly, she was NOT sexually harassed during the invitation.
• Some small farms in the Ozark Mountain region of Arkansas still maintain pioneer traditions such as hand-milking cows, plowing their fields with mules, and only burning witches if they weigh the same as a duck.
• The major exports of Arkansas are poultry, cattle and corrupt politicians.
• Arkansas is a great place for a family vacation since children under 18 are required to wear ball gags. “Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we… MFFMMRGRM!!!” – NOW we’re there ya little brat!
• Arkansas has embraced cutting-edge internet technology and is the first state in the US that allows citizens to bribe the Governor via PayPal.
• Arkansas contains numerous scenic cliffs, making it the most convenient state in the US for disposing of embarrassing dead bodies.
• Arkansas has a population of almost 3 million people, who, as a group, show less genetic variation than Mary Kate & Ashley.
• Arkansas provides free health care for all its citizens through numerous clinics around the state which dispense band-aids and moonshine.
• People from Arkansas are a warm and friendly folk who often greet perfect strangers and invite them into their homes before cooking and eating them.
• If someone from Arkansas says “hi” to you, shoot him before you end up in his oven.
• Wal-Mart started in Bentonville, Arkansas, but has since gone on to attack helpless cities across the United States. Sort of like Godzilla, except less radioactive.
• If your town is attacked by a Wal-Mart, don’t shoot it with bullets, because you’ll only make it angry. Try getting help from King Kong or Target, instead.
• Although Arkansas has produced such brilliant military minds as General Nathan Bedford Forrest, it has never produced anyone capable of defeating a Klingon in hand-to-hand combat.

That wraps up the Arkansas edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we’ll be slowly realizing that the idea of turning Los Angeles into a walled-off deportation center for degenerates shouldn’t have stalled out with a movie starring Kurt Russell as we take a look at California.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go PayPal the Governor.

[The complete e-book version of “Fun Facts About the 50 States” is now available at Amazon.com. If you don’t have a Kindle, you can download free Kindle apps for your web browser, smartphone, computer, or tablet from Amazon.com]

This is a reposting of one of Harvey’s classics. There’s a link to the book in the sidebar. — The Editors

Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States, where – week by week – I’ll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting, yet completely useless and probably untrue, information about each of the 50 states.

This week, it’s time throw empty Bud cans at those pathetic Royals, because we’re headed to Missouri, so let’s get started …

• Missouri became the 24th state on August 10th, 1821. It was originally admitted to the Union as a “slave” state, but eventually exchanged slavery for the slightly-less-evil institution of Country music.
• The state bird of Missouri is the Bluebird, which – unlike its cousin, the Swallow – CAN fly while grasping a coconut by the husk.
• Missouri has the second best educational system in the U.S. It WOULD be first, but for the fact that they fail to teach their kids that there’s no “r” in “wash.”
• Missouri was named after the Missouri Indian tribe, whose name means “seriously, there’s no ‘ah’ at the end… idiots…”
• Missouri’s nickname is “The Pronouncing Invisible Letters State.”
• Missouri’s license plates contain the motto “Show Me”. They should not be confused with Louisiana’s license plates, which say “Show Me Your Boobs.”
• Baseball coach Yogi Berra was born in St. Louis, Missouri, and is famous for his quaint, mixed-metaphor sayings, like “It ain’t over till the clip’s empty.”
• The state insect of Missouri is the honeybee, which is usually served deep-fried and sprinkled on waffles.
• The crinoid became Missouri’s state fossil after a group of students at Lee’s Summit high school conducted an experiment to see how much is costs to bribe a state legislature.
• Ten thousand dollars, a case of whiskey, and a dozen hookers, if you’re curious.
• The capitol building in Jefferson City, Missouri burned to the ground in 1911 after being struck by lightning during an attempt to make a DeLorean travel through time.
• Kansas City, Missouri, has more miles of boulevards than Paris, but fewer German armies have marched down them.
• The Gateway Arch is located in St. Louis, Missouri, and was originally the symbol for the now-defunct NcDonald’s restaurant chain.
• Aunt Jemima Pancake Flour was invented in St. Joseph, Missouri, and was the first commercially successful self-rising flour. It was later followed by the less-well-received “Uncle Tom Cake Mix.”
• Springfield, Missouri, was founded by a group of tourists who got lost on the way to Branson.
• Carthage, Missouri, is home to the Precious Moments Chapel, a museum filled with adorable porcelain bisque figurines of big-eyed children, featuring such titles as “Mommy’s Been Drinking Again” and “Please, Daddy, Not The Belt!”
• Weldon Springs, Missouri, is the site of the Nuclear Waste Adventure Trail and Museum. While there, be sure to try the Paint Chip Nachos.
• The “Elvis is Alive Museum” can be found in Wright City, Missouri. It’s conveniently located between the “Al Gore Won” and “Michael Moore Would Recognize Truth If It Jumped Up And Bit Him In the Ass” Museums.
• Black inventor George Washington Carver was born in Diamond Grove, Missouri, and is proof that black people used to be able to become famous for something other than sports and political activism.
• President Harry S Truman was born in Lamar, Missouri. The “S” stands for “so let’s nuke the Japs.”
• Rush Limbaugh was born in Cape Girardeau, Missouri, where he got his start in radio by beating up liberal talk show hosts and stealing their lunch money.
• Author Mark Twain was born in Florida, Missouri, where the rumors of his death are no longer greatly exaggerated.
• Outlaw Jesse James was born in Centerville, Missouri, and was known as “the most dangerous man in America.” At least until Rush Limbaugh got his first radio job.
• Iced tea was invented at the St. Louis World’s Fair in 1904 as a method of frightening away the stuffy and annoying British tourists.
• Seriously… what’s the point of hot tea, anyway? It’s like drinking boiled Kool-Aid.
• The ice cream cone was also invented at the 1904 World’s Fair, after an ice cream vendor discovered that all of his paper cups had been destroyed by a mysterious fire.
• Probably of British origin.
• Anheuser-Busch of St. Louis, Missouri, is the world’s largest brewery. In 1872, they patented their secret formula for “Alco-swill”, which was later re-named “Budweiser” for marketing reasons.
• Robert Wadlow – who was the world’s tallest man at 8 feet 11 inches – was born in St. Louis, Missouri. His “Where’s Wadlow” line of children’s books was a dismal failure.
• “Wild Kingdom” host Marlin Perkins was born in Carthage, Missouri. He gained fame documenting his travels around the world as he searched for new and exotic toppings for Imo’s Pizza.

That wraps up the Missouri edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we’ll be redlining down 7,000 miles of copless interstates as we tour Montana.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go grab me a can of Alco-swill.

Hey… it’s after 5pm somewhere…

[The complete e-book version of “Fun Facts About the 50 States” is now available at Amazon.com. If you don’t have a Kindle, you can download free Kindle apps for your web browser, smartphone, computer, or tablet from Amazon.com]

This is a reposting of one of Harvey’s classics. There’s a link to the book in the sidebar. — The Editors

Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States, where – week by week – I’ll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting, yet completely useless and probably untrue, information about each of the 50 states.

This week, it’s time to buy grossly overpriced lobster-shaped souvenirs, because we’re headed up to Maine, so let’s get started …

• Maine became the 23rd state on March 15th, 1820 and also became the only state with a one-syllable name after they shortening it from “Mainingtonia.”
• The state bird of Maine is the chickadee, and NOT the much more common Cracker-Barrel Buzzard or Bald Coot.
• Maine is one of America’s largest producers of leather products, most of which are exported to San Francisco during Gay Pride Week.
• The state flower of Maine is the pine cone. Although most people wouldn’t be dumb enough to confuse a pine cone with a flower, keep in mind that some people actually considered Dan Rather to be a journalist, too.
• The state motto of Maine is, “Fleecing tourists is fun!”
• 90% of America’s toothpick supply is produced in Maine, and I’ll bet those idiots probably think THOSE are flowers, too.
• The state song of Maine is “Rock Lobster” by the B52’s.
• The state tree of Maine is the white pine… which obviously means they’re racist.
• The top prize in Maine’s state lottery is having Stephen King personally bury your dismembered corpse in his back yard.
• Eastport, Maine, is the easternmost city in the US, and therefore the best place from which to launch a nuclear strike against France.
• Not that… you know… America is actually PLANNING anything like that…
• Hey… I’m just saying we should keep our options OPEN, people!
• Maine is the only state in the US that shares a border with only one other state. It’s nothing personal, it’s just that a LOT of dead lobsters wash up on the beach, and no one wants to be next to a state that smells like Roseanne Barr’s underwear.
• Every year, 4 million lobsters are caught off the coast of Maine – most of them on their way to Canada to buy cheap prescription drugs.
• Maine produces 99% of America’s blueberries, which is why most blueberries can’t pronounce the word “car” correctly.
• Maine was originally settled by Canadians who were searching for the religious freedom to worship their pagan moose-god, Bullwinkle.
• Freeport, Maine, is home to the LL Bean Company, purveyors of fine outdoor clothing. This may explain why Maine’s license plates are made out of plaid flannel.
• Although Maine has many old lighthouses, they are rarely lit these days except by brave Hobbits attempting to signal the armies of Rohan.
• The first naval battle of the Revolutionary War was fought off the coast of Maine in 1775. It was technically a draw, since both the American and British crews were devoured by giant radioactive lobsters.
• The state insect of Maine is the honeybee, and most farmers who raise them still milk them by hand while sitting on a tiny stool.
• Most small towns in Maine still govern themselves through the use of “Town Hall Meetings,” which consist of a series of boring speeches, followed by a picnic and ritual cannibalism on the Town Commons.
• All new mothers in Maine face the difficult choice of whether to bottle feed their babies or give them their clam chowder straight from the breast.
• A great deal of Maine consists of marshy swampland. Sorta like Florida, except that in Maine, all the gators were eaten by giant radioactive lobsters.
• If you go to a bar in Maine, you’ll be tempted to try the “Moose Meat Margarita.” Resist.

Well, that wraps up the Maine edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we’ll be stopping by the birthplace of the world’s violentest national anthem – and the rest of the world better not forget that if they know what’s good for ’em – as we visit Maryland.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go out and milk the honeybees.

[The complete e-book version of “Fun Facts About the 50 States” is now available at Amazon.com. If you don’t have a Kindle, you can download free Kindle apps for your web browser, smartphone, computer, or tablet from Amazon.com]

This is a reposting of one of Harvey’s classics. There’s a link to the book in the sidebar. — The Editors

Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States, where – week by week – I’ll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting, yet completely useless and probably untrue, information about each of the 50 states.

This week: first in our hearts, first in the alphabet, dead last in shoes per capita, we’re headed down south to Alabama, so let’s get started…

• Alabama is a medium-sized state in the Southern US. It’s very similar to its neighboring state, Florida, except it doesn’t have as many old people or alligators.
• The first Mardi Gras parade was held in Mobile, Alabama in 1711. It featured colorfully decorated, slow-moving cars driving down the streets amongst a crowd of stumbling, drunken pedestrians wearing funny costumes. This is the source of the Alabama state motto: “Alabama – where every day is like Mardi Gras!”
• The state motto has since been changed to “Alabama – the sorta shaped like a beer gut state.”
• Workers from Alabama built the first rocket designed to put humans on the moon. It was launched from Florida so that wouldn’t be attacked by angry villagers with torches and pitchforks who thought it was a tool of the devil.
• The world’s first Electric Trolley system was introduced in Montgomery Alabama in 1886. It was immediately destroyed by angry villagers.
• Perhaps NOW you understand NASA’s fear.
• Alabama is the only state with all the major natural resources to make iron and steel. This explains why all the villagers had pitchforks.
• To help fund education, Alabama instituted a America’s first pitchfork tax in 1937.
• The flag of Alabama is a big red X on a white field which symbolizes the states high illiteracy rate.
• Maybe they need to raise the pitchfork tax.
• Montgomery Alabama was the capital and birthplace of the Confederate States of America, which earned Montgomery the nickname “Birthplace of Bad Ideas.”
• The Confederate Flag was designed and first flown in Alabama in 1861 by the great-grandfather of Bo and Luke Duke.
• Alabama became the 22nd state on December 14th, 1819. This posed a problem for celebrating the event, since most Alabama citizens couldn’t count past 20, even with their shoes off, although certain of the more inbred sections of the state didn’t seem to have as much of a problem with it.
• Alabama is actually a Creek Indian word meaning “can’t count past 20 even with his shoes off.”
• Alabama’s state government is known for its love of high-spending pork projects, and its state capitol building was once blown down by a hungry wolf.
• Serves ’em right for building it out of sticks.
• Baseball player Hank Aaron was born in Mobile in 1934. He started playing for the Mobile Black Bears in 1950, but his career there was cut short when he was arrested for “Batting While Black.”
• The state song of Alabama is “Alabama.” I’d sing it for you but it has no words, since nothing rhymes with Alabama.
• Well, except “gamma”, but the Greek alphabet is outlawed in Alabama, so that doesn’t really work.
• The highest point in Alabama is Mount Cheaha at 2405 feet. The second highest point is in Trashy Acres Trailer Park at the top of Mary Lou Clanton’s hair-do.
• The musical group Alabama has a fan club and museum in Fort Payne, Alabama, which was burned to the ground by angry villagers after the group used the word “gamma” in a song.
• Governor George C. Wallace served four terms in office and spent two of them shooing colored people away from his drinking fountain.
• In 1995, Alabama native Heather Whitestone was the first disabled woman chosen to serve as Miss America. I’m not sure exactly WHY she was classified as disabled, since the Johns Hopkins Medical Encyclopedia lists “being an Alabama native” as a “handicap” rather than a “disability.”
• Hitler’s typewriter is on display at the Hall of History in Bessemer, Alabama. It’s unknown whether it still works, since no one in Alabama can correctly spell the sentence, “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.”
• The city of Mobile, Alabama is named for the Mauvilla Indian word meaning “Damn! Squaw have heap big hairdo!”
• Alabama’s official state mineral is automotive rust.
• Alabama’s state insect is the Monarch Butterfly, or – as natives refer to it – “that pretty little bug what’s flappin’ around over there.”
• Alabama’s state bird is the pecan pie.
• Long story. Something to do with a gallon of moonshine & Hitler’s typewriter. I’m not really at liberty to discuss it, since it involves the word gamma.
• In 1864, at the battle of Mobile Bay, Union Admiral David Farragut issued his famous command “Damn the torpedoes! Full speed ahead!” Also uttered that day was the less famous Confederate reply – “Holy crap! They’re coming right for us! RUN!”
• Despite having only 50 miles of coastline, Alabama’s beaches are a popular tourist destination. Be sure to visit during early March to witness the “Feed Yankee Tourists to the Sharks” Festival.
• The town of Enterprise, Alabama houses the Boll Weevil Monument which celebrates the role this destructive insect played in encouraging farmers to grow crops other than cotton. But despite all their contributions, Alabama still doesn’t allow Boll Weevils to either vote or ride in the front of the bus.

That wraps up the Alabama edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we’ll be hitting the frozen tundra – and a few baby seals – as we take a look at Alaska.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to get back to working on the lyrics for Alabama’s state song:

I live in Alabama… I really hate my mamma… I hit her with a hamma… and they threw me in the slamma…

Hmmm… not bad.

[The complete e-book version of “Fun Facts About the 50 States” is now available at Amazon.com. If you don’t have a Kindle, you can download free Kindle apps for your web browser, smartphone, computer, or tablet from Amazon.com]

This is a reposting of one of Harvey’s classics. There’s a link to the book in the sidebar. — The Editors

Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States, where – week by week – I’ll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting, yet completely useless and probably untrue, information about each of the 50 states.

This week, we’re stopping in the heartland of America to visit Illinois, so let’s get started …

• Illinois became the 21st state on December 3rd, 1818, and – except for Arkansas – is the only state that carries the death penalty for pronouncing the S at the end of the state’s name.
• Politically, Illinois is like 2 states in one. The Chicago area – which is urban and heavily Democratic – and the rest of the state, which is rural and sane.
• Chicago politicians are easily identifiable by their colorful “Bribe me!” lapel pins.
• During the Civil War, Illinois was bitterly divided between those who wanted black people to vote and those who wanted to restrict the franchise to white people and the dead.
• 10% of Illinois’s economy is based on the production of various corn products. The other 90% consists of official “Just wait ’till next year!” logo Cubs merchandise.
• Although Illinois borders both Lake Michigan and the Mississippi River, most citizens get their water from large, camel-like humps on their backs.
• Every year, millions of Illinoisans head north to the Wisconsin Dells to spend their money on water parks, souvenirs, and speeding tickets.
• Illinois is currently experiencing rapid population growth because an Illinoisan’s only natural predator is the Wisconsin State Highway Patrol.
• Few people shop at the malls in Illinois due to the twin hazards of high sales taxes and recklessly-driving Blues musicians.
• The first skyscraper was built in Chicago in 1895. When completed, it was 9 stories tall and was immediately destroyed by God for using non-union labor.
• At least according to the Teamsters who witnessed the event.
• Thanks to Illinois’s strict gun control laws, you may wander about freely after dark without having to worry about being mugged by a law-abiding citizen.
• Due to the extremely harsh winters in Illinois, natives of the state grow thick coats of fur to protect them from the elements, and are frequently clubbed to death by Alaskan tourists.
• People from Chicago like to brag about their “Chicago-style” pizza, but it’s really just regular pizza sprinkled with bits of people who hired non-union labor.
• Springfield is the capitol of Illinois. While there, be sure to visit Lincoln’s Tomb and Moe’s Tavern.
• The state dance of Illinois is the Square Dance.
• Except in certain parts of Chicago, where it’s the “I NEED CRACK!” jitterbug.
• Chicago was setting for George Romero’s movie “Night of the Voting Dead.”
• The Sears Tower in Chicago is the tallest building in North America and contains enough office space to hold a year’s supply of Twinkies for Michael Moore.
• The state tree of Illinois is the White Oak, which is just plain racist.
• The state snack of Illinois is popcorn. MORE racism!
• The first McDonald’s restaurant opened in Des Plaines, Illinois in 1940 after the McDonald brothers perfected their technique for making thin, round patties out of rat turds and sawdust.
• Early in the church’s history, the Mormons settled in Nauvoo, Illinois, but moved to Utah after the Iroquois Indians gave them smallpox and stole their land.
• During the Civil War, Illinois was home to the notorious Rock Island prison camp, where it’s estimated that over 100,000 Confederate prisoners were either starved to death or denied access to Korans.
• 13% of Illinois’s population is foreign-born. Mostly Irishmen who ran out of money while traveling to Idaho’s annual Spud-Fest.
• People from Chicago must pass a literacy test before they are allowed to vote, which consists of correctly identifying the letter “D.”
• It was the original French settlers who chose the White-Tailed Deer as the Illinois state animal. They looked upon it as a kindred spirit, since it appeared to be raising a white flag while fleeing at the first sign of danger.
• Chicago is home to the world’s largest public library. Sadly, not enough of the books have pictures to make it of any use to the Irish.
• In 1999 the city of Kankakee, Illinois, was voted “America’s Worst Place to Live.” It improved to “America’s Best Place to Live” after the city implemented its “free breast implant” program.

That wraps up the Illinois edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we’ll disappointed to learn that there ARE some places where you’re not allowed to drive 200 mph as we visit Indiana.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go eat some popcorn because I’m a racist.

[The complete e-book version of “Fun Facts About the 50 States” is now available at Amazon.com. If you don’t have a Kindle, you can download free Kindle apps for your web browser, smartphone, computer, or tablet from Amazon.com]

This is a reposting of one of Harvey’s classics. There’s a link to the book in the sidebar. — The Editors

Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States, where – week by week – I’ll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting, yet completely useless and probably untrue, information about each of the 50 states.

This week, it’s time get stinkin’ drunk, float down the Big Muddy, and wash up on a sandbar with a hangover, because we’re headed to Mississippi, so let’s get started…

• Mississippi became the 20th state on December 10th 1817. Although the new state’s entry faced violent opposition, it managed to get admitted to the Union since people with lisps did not yet have the right to vote.
• Mississippi has 82 counties, all of which have at least one town named “Bubbaville.”
• Talk show host Oprah Winfrey was born in Kosciusko, Mississippi. The world’s largest couch was built there in her honor, just in case Tom Cruise stops by.
• Chitlins were first served in Shuqulah, Mississippi, which – I assume – is home to a disproportionate population of the hopelessly insane.
• Mississippi gets its name from the Chippewa Indian word “mici-zibi,” which means “River’s flooding again… WHY do these stupid white people keep rebuilding here?”
• Mississippi has a population of 3 million people and 6 million teeth.
• Singer Elvis Presley was born in Tupelo, Mississippi. Does anyone else find it ironic that he once had a hit song about shoes?
• In a fight between Aquaman & someone from Mississippi, the Mississippian would lose, but he’d write a great blues song about the fight that would make millions.
• Most people from Mississippi have several Confederate flag sticker on their cars. This doesn’t make them racist, it just means that they’re too poor to afford enough duct tape to hold their cars together.
• If you’re in Mississippi and someone tries to mug you, just yell, “Look! Snow!” The mugger will become paralyzed with confusion and you can make your escape.
• Although Mississippi is frequently the 50th ranked state in quality of education, it IS ranked #1 in the category of “boosting self-esteem for students in the other 49 states.”
• The world’s largest Bible-binding plant is in Greenwood, Mississippi, and uses only genuine atheist-skin leather.
• …And people wonder why I’ve never been to Mississippi…
• The Stetson hat was invented in Dunn’s Falls, Mississippi, which is constantly being attacked by Texas Crusaders seeking to recapture their holy city.
• Football player Walter “Sweetness” Payton was born in Columbia, Mississippi, and was the first athlete to appear simultaneously on boxes of “Wheaties”, “Gritties”, and “Chitlinies” cereals.
• Petal, Mississippi is home to the International Checkers Hall of Fame. Requirements for induction include winning a tournament on a 5-jump, double-king combo move, and appearing on a “Chitlinies” box.
• The Vicksburg National Cemetery is the largest national cemetery in America. Some people say that the Arlington National Cemetery is larger, but it’s stuffed with all them damn Yankees, so it doesn’t really count.
• Legendary Football quarterback Brett Favre was born in Kiln, Mississippi. He was reputed to be able to throw a football hard enough to break a receiver’s fingers, but he only did that if the guy was late with his protection money payment.
• Singer Jimmy Buffett was born in Pascagoula, Mississippi, but was banished after all the town’s salt-shakers mysteriously disappeared.
• It was his own damn fault.
• Mississippi is the only state in America that doesn’t offer personalized license plates. The state’s DMV figures it’s not worth it, since no one can read those big ol’ 6-letter words, anyway.
• The fried peanut butter and banana sandwich was invented in Tupelo, Mississippi by Elvis Presley in 1945. He never patented his invention, and died in bankrupt obscurity in 1977.
• It is NOT true that the Governor of Mississippi is chosen as a result of being the victor in a greased-pig-catching contest. They don’t actually grease the pig.
• Actor James Earl Jones was born in Arkabutla, Mississippi, but soon moved to Coruscant to complete his Sith training.
• Mississippi has the lowest percentage of high school graduates in America, since the graduation exam requires students to spell the state’s name without using the words “crooked-letter” or “humpback.”
• During a hunting expedition to Mississippi in 1902, President Teddy Roosevelt refused to shoot a captured bear. This act resulted in the creation of the world-famous stuffed animal, the “Stupid Yankee Bear.”
• In 1807, Aaron Burr was arraigned for treason in Washington, Mississippi, beneath the Burr Oaks. Optimists in the city have since planted a grove of Jane Fonda Oaks, just in case.

That wraps up the Mississippi edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we’ll get tricked into whitewashing fences by Tom Sawyer when we visit Missouri.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go pour me a big ol’ bowl of Chitlinies for breakfast.

[The complete e-book version of “Fun Facts About the 50 States” is now available at Amazon.com. If you don’t have a Kindle, you can download free Kindle apps for your web browser, smartphone, computer, or tablet from Amazon.com]

This is a reposting of one of Harvey’s classics. There’s a link to the book in the sidebar. — The Editors

Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States, where – week by week – I’ll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting, yet completely useless and probably untrue, information about each of the 50 states.

This week, grab your racing gear because we’re headed to Indiana, so let’s get started…

• Indiana became the 19th state on December 11th, 1816. Its residents are nicknamed “Hoosiers,” which is a Chippewa Indian word meaning “What the hell does that word mean?”
• The city of Gary, Indiana, was named after Gary Coleman, and is populated entirely by black midgets.
• Singer Michael Jackson was born in Gary, Indiana, but was eventually exiled from the city for being too tall and too white.
• The state bird of Indiana is Larry.
• Natives of Indiana are the only people in the US who can say “French Lick” or “Ball State” without giggling.
• Beaver City, however, makes EVERYONE snicker.
• Actor James Dean was born in Marion, Indiana, but soon left the state, as all cool things do.
• Indiana is SO boring that people will actually PAY MONEY to watch other people drive around in circles. No wonder James Dean left.
• Crazed socialist nut job and vocal World War I protester Eugene V. Debs was born in Terre Haute, Indiana. He was sorta like an early version of Jane Fonda, except less skanky.
• The state of Indiana was once 80% forest, but over the years has lost 3/4 of its trees to hordes of plundering Amish furniture-makers.
• Indiana is home to the Indianapolis Motor Speedway, which – with relative safety – combines public drunkenness and reckless driving.
• 25% of people in Indiana are of German extraction, leading to occasional blitzkriegs into Ohio and Illinois.
• Indiana has more covered bridges than any other state, mostly so that the bridges don’t go around flaunting their sexuality and frightening the Amish.
• Some of the more rural parts of Indiana only accept farm animals as currency. However, a lot of the small-town general stores DO take MasterCow.
• Although people in northern Indiana must contend with long, harsh winters, at least they’re safe from the cruel assault of bluegrass festivals that plague the southern part of the state.
• The state flower of Indiana is the peony which – being large, pink, round, and smelly – perfectly represents the people of the state.
• The city of Santa Claus, Indiana, has a 20-foot statute of the jolly old elf at the outskirts of the town, which is usually covered in graffiti by gangs from the nearby cities of Grinch and Scrooge.
• Indiana has only 40 miles of shoreline along Lake Michigan, most of which is covered by the corpses of people who hired non-union labor which wash in from Chicago.
• The highest point in Indiana is only 1200 feet above sea level. Geographically speaking, if Indiana were a woman, it’d be Olive Oyl.
• Traditionally, Jewish people in Indiana wear yarmulkes made out of used Indy Car tires.
• Well… they WOULD… if there were actually any Jews in Indiana.
• Indiana’s state tourism motto is “Hope you brought something to do.”
• The city of Peru, Indiana, was known as the “Circus Capital of America” until 1952 when it was wiped out by an epidemic of Mad Clown Disease.
• South Bend, Indiana, is home to Notre Dame College. Their nickname – The Fighting Irish – is considered offensive by some, but it’s still better than previous nicknames such as the Brawling Bog-Trotters and the Surly Spud-Munchers.
• Stainless steel was invented in Kokomo, Indiana, by Elwood Haynes in a desperate bid to get his wife to stop nagging him to “polish the damn silverware!”
• Singers Axl Rose and John Cougar Mellencamp are both natives of Indiana. In a knife fight between Rose and Mellencamp, bet on the guy with the most tattoos.

That wraps up the Indiana edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week… well, I hope you really like corn jokes, because we’re headed to Iowa.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go put fifty bucks on Axl Rose.

[The complete e-book version of “Fun Facts About the 50 States” is now available at Amazon.com. If you don’t have a Kindle, you can download free Kindle apps for your web browser, smartphone, computer, or tablet from Amazon.com]

This is a reposting of one of Harvey’s classics. There’s a link to the book in the sidebar. — The Editors

Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States, where – week by week – I’ll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting, yet completely useless and probably untrue, information about each of the 50 states.

This week, lift your shirt and earn some shiny beads – we’re headed to Louisiana. So… let’s get started…

• Louisiana became the 18th state on April 30th 1812, mostly to make President Madison’s wife stop nagging him about “when are you going to get up off your butt and do something with all that land west of the Mississippi?”
• Ya know, it wasn’t Manifest Destiny that built this country, it was naggy wives.
• The state bird of Louisiana is the brown pelican, whose enormous beak could, in theory, hold enough beer to get an Irishman drunk.
• The state boat of Louisiana is Noah’s Ark.
• Louisiana is the source of most of America’s seafood, and annually produces more shrimp than a Wizard of Oz cast party.
• The state motto of Louisiana is “Help! I can’t swim!”
• The state flower of Louisiana is the magnolia… although that may soon change to the water lily.
• The highest point in Louisiana is Mt. Driskoll, at 535 feet, while the lowest point is [insert gurgling sound here].
• Louisiana was named after the French King, Louis the 14th, and NOT after the French pronunciation of “lousy, ain’t it?”
• The official soil of Louisiana is silt.
• Louisiana has the tallest state capitol building in the US. It’s 450 feet tall, and is capable of holding nearly a week’s supply of the Governor’s bribe money.
• The state song of Louisiana is Led Zeppelin’s, “When the Levee Breaks.”
• The US acquired the Louisiana territory from France in 1803 in exchange for $15 million dollars in gold and a promise to stop referring to the French as “surrender monkeys.”
• HA! Stupid, gullible, surrender monkeys!
• The state tree of Louisiana is whichever one Katrina didn’t knock down. Probably an oak tree in Shreveport, or something.
• Jazz Great Louis Armstrong was born in New Orleans, Louisiana. His famous song, “What a Wonderful World,” describes his feelings about moving out of the state.
• Rock & Roll legend Jerry Lee Lewis was born in Ferriday, Louisiana on September 29th, 1935. Although he DID at one point marry his 13-year-old cousin, he was NOT actually a degenerate pedophile – just Southern.
• Baton Rouge, Louisiana hosted the Special Olympics in 1983, prompting accusations from Alabama that it was actually just a scheme to raise the state’s standardized test scores.
• Louisiana is famous for its many slow-moving rivers or “bayous.” The word “bayou” is a Choctaw Indian word meaning “Frenchman’s urinal.”
• The first governor of Louisiana chose the pelican as the state bird because it is such a devoted parent that it would tear at its own flesh to feed its young rather than let them starve. The governor was so impressed by this that he substituted “the rich” for “flesh,” and thus was born the Louisiana tax system.
• The state dog of Louisiana is the Water Spaniel.
• St. Joseph Cemetery in Rayne, Louisiana is the only cemetery in the US where the graves have a north-south orientation. All other cemeteries are laid out in a pentagram pattern to facilitate raising the dead via unholy rituals.
• The city of Kaplan, Louisiana is known as the Cajunest Place on Earth and is home to the famous Gumbo World theme park and resort.
• The city of New Orleans was once a haven for pirates, which may explain why most of the post-Katrina looters had parrots & eye-patches.
• The Old Town Hall Museum in Pineville, Louisiana is the only museum in the US devoted to municipal government. While there, don’t miss the Graft & Corruption exhibit in the Huey P. Long Memorial Corruptitorium.
• At the age of 13, all young males in Louisiana undergo a ceremonial rite of passage wherein they finally learn the horrifying truth – that Mardi Gras is NOT a national holiday.
• They are NOT told, however, the horrifying truth that they are descended from the French, as this would completely destroy their fragile minds.
• Whether you pronounce it “New Or-lins,” “New Or-leenz,” “New Or-le-ans,” or even “Nawlins,” SOMEONE in Louisiana will correct your pronunciation.
• When they do, tell the annoying little SOB that he’s descended from the French. THAT will shut him up.

Well, that wraps up the Louisiana edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week I’ll be getting mugged by gangs of feral lobsters in Maine.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go ahem “use the bayou”.

[The complete e-book version of “Fun Facts About the 50 States” is now available at Amazon.com. If you don’t have a Kindle, you can download free Kindle apps for your web browser, smartphone, computer, or tablet from Amazon.com]

This is a reposting of one of Harvey’s classics. There’s a link to the book in the sidebar. — The Editors

Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States, where – week by week – I’ll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting, yet completely useless and probably untrue, information about each of the 50 states.

This week, the natives will be tricking us into believing that buckeyes actually come from the annual shedding of the male deer’s eyeballs as we visit Ohio. So let’s get started…

• Ohio became the 17th state on March 1, 1803 and was originally populated by people who were improperly whacked by the Detroit mob and dumped into Lake Erie.
• The state flower of Ohio is the Scarlet Carnation, more popularly known as “the cheapskate’s rose.”
• The first ambulance service in the US was started in Cincinnati, Ohio, in 1865 as a method of promoting physical fitness among lawyers.
• Cleveland, Ohio is home to America’s first traffic light. The idea was borrowed from the French “war light,” whose green, red, and yellow signals told French citizens whether to flee, surrender, or collaborate.
• Ermal Fraze invented the pop-top can in Kettering, Ohio, which replaced the older, less reliable method of opening cans – outraging a Muslim into suicide-bombing it open for you.
• Singer Dean Martin was born in Steubenville, Ohio, and was the last non-Frenchman to sincerely believe that Jerry Lewis was funny.
• The cash register was invented in Dayton, Ohio in 1879 by James Ritty. The first model consisted of a locking drawer attached to his wife’s cleavage.
• “Hang On Sloopy” is the official state rock song of Ohio, which narrowly beat out “Smack My Bitch Up.”
• Although Ohio’s state nickname is the “Buckeye State,” long-time residents still prefer the previous nickname of the “Big Red Dangling Nuts State.”
• Ohio’s name comes from an Iroquois Indian word meaning “Lake Erie’s on fire again.”
• Founded in 1869, the Cincinnati Reds were the first professional baseball team. The second professional team wasn’t created until 1870, which may explain why the Reds won their first 130 games by forfeit.
• Akron, Ohio was the first city to use police cars. Coincidentally, it was also the first city with a donut shop.
• Cincinnati was the first city with a full-time professional fire department, originally consisting of 25 Dalmatians with bladder-control problems.
• Akron, Ohio is the rubber capital of the world, annually producing enough of the material to supply rubber chickens to every crappy prop comic on earth. Or to supply one Carrot Top show.
• The American Federation of Labor union was founded in Columbus, Ohio. It offers all the high-quality corrupt thuggery you’ve come to expect from East Coast unions, but with a pleasant mid-western accent.
• At the age of 77, Ohio senator John Glenn became the oldest man to visit outer space aboard the space shuttle Discovery. The ship was grounded for six months afterwards while crews worked around the clock to get the “old person smell” out of it.
• Cleveland, Ohio, is the home of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, which is located across the street from the Alcohol and Drug Abuse Museum.
• Ohio is the nation’s leading producer of greenhouse and nursery plants. None of which are marijuana. And no, I don’t know where you can get any. Now get away from me, you stupid hippie!
• Canton, Ohio, is home to the Pro Football Hall of Fame. There’s no doubt in my mind that Terrell Owens will make it in there someday – if he stops at the front counter and pays for an adult admission ticket.
• Neil Armstrong was born in Wapakoneta, Ohio, and became the first man to walk on the moon. The second man to walk on the moon… eh… who cares about THAT loser!
• Born in Dayton, Ohio, the Wright Brothers invented the airplane in 1903. Their accomplishment was was largely ignored until they invented the scantily-clad stewardess in 1905.
• Americans have elected seven presidents from the state of Ohio. If we elect three more, we’ll get a coupon for a free Speaker of the House.
• The hot dog was given its name by concessionaire Harry Stevens of Niles, Ohio, after discovering that people weren’t interested in buying his “snouts & sawdust sausages.”
• 50% of the United States population lives within a 500 mile radius of Columbus, Ohio. The other 50% lives with a profound sense of relief.
• Charles Kettering of Loudonville, Ohio, invented the automobile self-starter in 1911, which was a huge improvement over the old method of grabbing the engine block while peeing on an electric fence.
• In 1839, Charles Goodyear of Akron, Ohio, developed the process of vulcanizing rubber. Prior to that time, rubber could neither live long nor prosper.
• Teflon was invented by Roy Plunkett of New Carlisle, Ohio, in 1938 after he followed a recipe for homemade glue typed up by his dyslexic secretary.
• Oberlin College was founded in 1833, with the goal of becoming the first interracial and coeducational college in the US. It took a lot of persuading to get people to part with perfectly good tuition money only to be forced to rub elbows with filthy Irishmen.
• Civil War General and US President Ulysses S. Grant was born in Point Pleasant, Ohio. His only notable accomplishments were getting really drunk and killing people. Which means that if Ted Kennedy had ever become president, we’d have had a different portrait on the $50 bill.

That wraps up the Ohio edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we’ll be wondering why the musical didn’t mention tornadoes and trailer parks as we visit Oklahoma.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve gotta go find an electric fence so I can start my car.

[The complete e-book version of “Fun Facts About the 50 States” is now available at Amazon.com. If you don’t have a Kindle, you can download free Kindle apps for your web browser, smartphone, computer, or tablet from Amazon.com]