At Last, A Sport IMAO Can Get Behind

European Gull Screeching Championship
EuroWeekly News | 22 Apr 2024 | John Smith

The town of De Panne in Belgium hosted the European Seagull Screeching Championships on Sunday, April 21, and there was definitely a Pan-European turn out.

The championship is very much a Belgian-organized affair …

I knew it!

… with categories for adults, children, and groups …

… although the fact that the competition took place in a packed-out bar where the beer was flowing and a comedian was booked to follow the event might indicate a certain tongue-in-cheek attitude …

Is it going to be in the Onolympics?

Looks Like I Picked the Wrong Week To Give a Rip About Sports

MLB Ump Angel Hernandez Had Fans Fuming Again With Awful Call
Sports Illustrated | 4/22/24 | Andy Nesbitt

The 2024 Major League Baseball season has had a big problem with umpires making bad calls. Leading that charge yet again has been Angel Hernandez, who continues to be one of the worst umpires in the game.

He unfortunately lived up to that reputation while working home plate in Sunday’s New York Mets-Los Angeles Dodgers game when he called a clear strike a ball.

NOT a screen shot of the call in question:

Still, I’m out seventy bucks because I bet on the replay.

And in Other Sports News

I don’t even know where to begin with this one.

Waste Management Open Turns Into Drunken ‘S–tshow’ With Fan Fights and Angry Players
nypost.com | Feb. 11, 2024 | Peter Botte

Wasted fans have turned the infamously rowdy Waste Management Phoenix Open into a “s–tshow.”

That’s how at least one PGA Tour golfer described Saturday’s throngs at TPC Scottsdale, which briefly shut down alcohol sales at various locations around the course and stopped admitting fans around 2 p.m.

“S–tshows. Totally out of control on every hole,” South Korean-born golfer Byeong Hun An posted Saturday on X, formerly known as Twitter.

Byeong the pale, he added.

An more:

“Yes I know what I signed up for,” An wrote in response to one fan, along with a shrugging emoji. “Played here multiple times over the years and it was fine until today. It’s just personal experience.”

There also were videos posted of fights breaking out in the galleries and fans chanting “We want beer” while alcohol sales were suspended, as well as one of a shirtless male fan diving into a sand trap.

And yet, who among us can cast the first stone?

Sports Update

Magnus Carlsen Wins 2023 Chess World Cup After Beating R Praggnanandhaa in Tie-Breaks
ESPN | 8.24.2023 | Aaditya Narayan

. . .

In a relatively even position, the game was heading towards a draw, when Carlsen finally made his move with his knights advancing to threatening positions, before the Indian resigned with just about 10 seconds left on the clock.

That meant Praggnanandhaa had to win on demand with black pieces. He had done it before in this tournament, in the quarterfinal against Arjun Erigaisi, but he was facing a completely different beast here.

He began the second game with a little prayer, but soon Carlsen ensured that was in vain. The five-time world champions nous and know-how showed, as it became very clear in the opening that the world no 1 had snuffed out Praggnanandhaa’s chances of winning with black pieces. After a few major pieces were traded, the players agreed to a draw, and the smile on Carlsen’s face was the only show of emotion from either player. The Norwegian has now won the one title that was missing from his illustrious cabinet, to go along with his five World Championship titles.

I learned a new word: “nous.” I’ll never use it, though.

It is a tale told by Aaditya, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

There’s Kissing in Soccer?

Oppo Toys With the Idea of Starting a Womens’ Soccer Team, Just To Celebrate Goals

Kudos! Credit Where Credit’s Due!

Germán Delivers MLB’s 1st Perfect Game Since 2012
Major League Baseball| June 29,2023 | Sonja Chen

OAKLAND — Domingo Germán tossed Major League Baseball’s first perfect game since 2012 in the Yankees’ 11-0 win over the A’s on Wednesday night at the Coliseum. It was the fourth perfect game in franchise history, and the first since David Cone against the Expos in 1999.

Impressive news in a depressing world.

Baseball Card Fun

I never made a fortune on baseball cards, because I threw away the following five, or used them in the spokes of my bicycle. I don’t remember.

First; I’m an old judge of form, and this is no way to steal home:

Next — Nice form for never getting a hit in a million years:

Next, three cards I tossed because I didn’t recognize the names, and figured the cards wouldn’t be worth anything:

Eh. I’m sticking with crypto from now on.

The More This Guy Talks, The More I Like Him

Chad ‘Ochocinco’ Johnson Reveals Shocking View On Money In Recent Interviews
Daily Wire | March 2, 2023

Former NFL wide receiver Chad “Ochocinco” Johnson has made a series of surprising remarks about money in interviews over the last few weeks, including that he once lived at his former team’s stadium for nearly two years.

In an interview with Fox Sports host Shannon Sharpe, Johnson claimed that he saved more than 80% of his career earnings by not buying fancy cars and buying fake jewelry, despite earning nearly $50 million from his playing days.

“Fly private?” Johnson said during the interview. “I ain’t flying private. Spirit, put me on Spirit, exit row, window seat. That’s all I need. As long as I get from point A to point B, I don’t need private.”

He said that an athlete’s goal should be to get to a point in their career where their name becomes bigger than anything they can purchase.

“My name itself, Ochocinco at one point, even still to this day, is bigger than — why am I driving a Ferrari?” he said. “Why am I driving a Rolls-Royce when I’m Ocho? Oh, we talk about jewelry and watches and chains; I never bought real anything when I was playing. Never. What was the point? What am I doing it for?”

“The women don’t deal with anyway because of who you are, right?” he continued. “And then the other women who are really doing their homework, they’ll Google how much you making already. Why am I buying a $50,000 watch? $80,000 watch? What time is it real quick, please? … The time is free. So what am I paying for it for?

“Everybody’s caught up in image and looking a certain way and being rich. It’s me. It’s pointless,” he continued. “You know how hard it is to live like that all the time, consistently, and be fly every day?”

He noted that the previous generation of celebrities all had their time in the sun but they could not sustain it forever because it’s impossible to do.

“You gotta remember, I stayed at the stadium the first two years because I didn’t want to spend no money,” Johnson added. “What’s the point? Why are you telling me to go rent a house, go buy a house, or go rent a condo when everything I need is right here in the facility?”

“Showers, cafeteria, TV, couch, gaming system. What’s the point? I was so locked in. It wasn’t about having my own space,” he added. “I needed that one-year lock-in to catch the rhythm. In the second year, I got that rhythm.”

I Don’t Know: I’d Probably Give Up Watching After 89 Minutes

Soccer Match Ruined When AI-Controlled Camera Mistakes Ref’s Bald Head for Ball
SB Nation
| 30 Oct 2020 | James Dator

Technology in sports is a beautiful thing, but sometimes even the greatest inventions can go wrong. This happened over the weekend in a soccer game in Scotland, when an AI-controlled camera got confused, and thought a lineman’s bald head was the ball.

…To make matters worse Scotland is under strict social distancing measures. With no fans in attendance this was the only ways for fans of Iverness and Ayr United to watch the match, and instead they were treated to 90 minutes of head watching.

The winner is…

I know who I had my money on.

Stay safe my friends.

I’ll Buy Two

Here in the South, college football isn’t a matter of life and death. It’s much more important than that.

[The YouTube]

You either get it or you don’t. And if you don’t, I’m sorry for you.

31

I’m not a fan of horse racing. Or any kind of racing, actually. Still, sometimes, you see something and are amazed. And, that amazement stays with you.

This afternoon, there’s a misspelled horse named American Pharoah that is trying to become the first Triple Crown winner in 37 years. And, if he wins, good for him. And some of you young kids might remember it years down the road. But, it’ll be hard to beat the memories caused by a three-year old named Secretariat back in 1973.

Secretariat won the Kentucky Derby, the first race in the Triple Crown with a record time of 1:59.4. How fast was that record? Well, it’s still the fastest Kentucky Derby ever. The second fastest Kentucky Derby time? Same race. Sham came in second at 1:59.9 which is faster than the second-fastest winning time of 1:59.97 by Monarchos in 2001. (I just won you a bar bet. You’re welcome.)

In the Preakness Stakes, there was a problem with the clock. There’s no doubt that Secretariat won the race by 2½ lengths over Sham, but a problem with the clock threw a question over the time. The previous record (since the race lengthened to 1 3⁄16 miles in 1925) of 1:54 was set two years earlier by Canonero II. Secretariat’s time was given as 1:55, but that was immediately disputed. CBS entered the argument by showing tapes of both the 1971 race and the 1973 race in a split-screen, and proved that Secretariat beat Canonero II handily. It took a while, but the official time is now 1:53, and that record still stands. (Sham’s time would work out to 1:53.4, the second-fastest Preakness, if you want to win another bar bet.)

The clincher in how great a horse Secretariat was had to be the Belmont Stakes. That race was lengthened to 1½ miles in 1926. And the record set in 1973 still stands. But, it wasn’t just the time of 2:24 that’s amazing. It’s how that horse won it.

If you weren’t around in 1973 to see it on TV, thanks to the magic of the internets, here’s your chance.


[YouTube]

The actual margin of victory was 31 lengths. How far is that? Well, more than you can put in a camera at a horse race in 1973. Think about it like this. You and a buddy find a football field. You stand on the goal line. Now, have your buddy walk out to the 17 yard line. No, the other 17 yard line. Cross mid-field and keep walking. That 17 yard line. Got it? That’s right about 31 lengths.

I don’t know anything about horse racing. But I know I saw something special that day. Maybe there’ll be another Triple Crown winner this afternoon. Maybe not. But, there may never be another Secretariat.

College football playoffs 2014 (done right)

CharlieBrownFootballFor several years, I’ve been saying that the NCAA needs a playoff for Division 1-A football. Apparently, the NCAA agrees with me … to some degree. They finally dumped the horribly flawed BCS for a horribly-flawed 4-team playoff.

My plan would work, and it answers all the questions and controversies that have arisen over the BCS years.

My plan has sixteen teams in the playoffs. Each of the ten conference champions get a slot, and the remaining slots are filled with teams selected by a committee. The committee also seeds the teams.

My preference is that conference champions get the top ten slots, with the wild card teams filling slots 11-16, much as the NFL does. This adds weight to winning the conference. If a wild card team from the SEC feels they should be ranked higher than, say, the Sun Belt champion, then they should have won their own conference.

Here is how the playoffs — the playoffs done right — would have shaped up this year.

Top ten seeds are the conference champions.

1. Alabama (Southeastern Conference champion)
2. Oregon (Pac-12 Conference champion)
3. Florida State (Atlantic Coast Conference champion)
4. Ohio State (Big Ten Conference champion)
5. Baylor (Big 12 Conference champion)
6. Boise State (Mountain West Conference champion)
7. Marshall (Conference USA champion)
8. Northern Illinois (Mid-American Conference champion)
9. Cincinnati (American Athletic Conference champion)
10. Georgia Southern (Sun Belt Conference champion)
11. Texas Christian (Big 12 wild card)
12. Mississippi State (Southeastern wild card)
13. Michigan State (Big Ten wild card)
14. Mississippi (Southeastern wild card)
15. Arizona (Pac-12 wild card)
16. Kansas State (Big 12 wild card)

Some of the matchups would be great. Others, yeah, not so much. And, yeah, we end up with a third Arizona vs Oregon matchup. We also get a Marshall-Georgia Southern matchup, which won’t top the TV ratings … outside of Huntington or Statesboro.

Look at the whole package. Winning the conference means something; you get an automatic bid and a better seeding. Really good teams aren’t penalized by having one bad game (or a good close loss) that knocks them out of contention. And, if Northern Illinois or Georgia Southern ran the table, who could argue that they aren’t the best team?

What the NCAA is giving us this year is better than the BCS. If that was in play, we’d have a single game of Alabama vs Florida State, based on polls and computer rankings. But it’s not as good as this plan.

One day, this will be the great idea that some suit in the NCAA comes up with, and he’ll be hailed as a genius.

Traditions

GSCErkRussellI’m in full, old man, get off my lawn mode. And, it’s a college football team that set me off.

First, some background. You may already know that I’m a fan of the University of Georgia. My daughter went there (and she was a cheerleader) and I almost went there. But I didn’t.

However, a little closer to my home town in southeast Georgia is another college, Georgia Southern University. Back then, it was Georgia Southern College. And, they didn’t have a football team. But, that would change.

In 1981, Georgia Southern announced the hiring of Erk Russell as head coach. Russell had been defensive coordinator at the University of Georgia for the previous 17 seasons, but accepted the challenge of starting up a football program from scratch. The school had no football facilities when Russell was hired. In fact, they didn’t even have a football. The Athletic Director had to run across the street to the K-Mart to buy a football as a prop at the press conference to announce Russell’s hiring.

Georgia Southern did things simply back then. They got old yellow school buses from the Bulloch County school system to take the team to games. And in those games, the Eagles wore simple white pants with no stripe down the leg, simple blue jerseys at home and plain white jerseys on the road with no stripes on the sleeve, and blue helmets with numbers on the side. Old fashioned, simple football uniforms. And the reason is because they were the cheapest available.

Turns out, though, that you don’t need fancy buses or fancy uniforms to win. Georgia Southern won the Division 1-AA national championship 1985, their first of three under Russell, and six overall. And they did it while wearing cheap uniforms and riding yellow school buses to games.

Today, and for several years, Georgia Southern has been able to afford a lot more. This season is their first year moving up to Division 1-A, officially called Division 1 FBS (Football Bowl Subdivision), and they’ve kept the traditions.

This weekend, though, they’re kinda ticking me off. They’re showing off some new uniforms to be worn special for homecoming. And they have the nerve to call it “Traditions.”

GSUSuckyUniforms

I know all the cool schools do this crap. But, it’s crap. At least, to a traditionalist like me. I hate it when schools come up with gimmicky uniforms. You know what kind of gimmick I like? Winning.

It’s a great tradition, too.

Winter Olympics Primer: Bobsleigh

You may not be aware, but the Winter Olympics are still underway.

Apparently, there’s more than Curling going on. There’s also skiing. Not water skiing, but skiing on snow. And there’s a lot of that. And, there’s Bobsleigh. Some calls it Bobsledding. The Olympics call it Bobsleigh.

The four-man bobsleigh competition is the top of the various bobsleigh events. There’s two-man. There’s women’s competition. But, the big deal is the four-man bobsleigh. The competition begins soon, and the medals are awarded this coming weekend.

In preparation, we’re offering another primer on Olympic events. So, with a little Help! from our friends, we’ll explain the four-man bobsleigh competition.

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Each team consists of four men, stacked like cordwood atop a sled. One wears a top hat.

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The team must navigate down a hill of snow, all together.

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It is permissible within the rules to lighten the load, allowing the team to increase speed, if you can ring the lasso of the Overhead Mad Scientists with the foot of the man on top.

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If successful, the top man dangles overhead, allowing the other three to pick up speed.

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When the rope breaks, he rejoins the others on the sled…

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…and they continue downhill until they fall over.

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When that happens, they mount skis, and finish the course by avoiding umbrella-carrying snowmen.

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As they approach the end of the course, the lead snowman, with an umbrella flamethrower…

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…lights the team’s ski poles on fire.

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The team then reaches the end of the course, and orders a ticket to London. First team to Heathrow wins.

Enjoy the rest of the Olympics.