We’ve been hearing a lot in the news about Syria lately, so I got my crack research staff to find all the relevant information about them that you need to know.
FUN FACTS ABOUT SYRIA
* Syria is not in South America.
* Syria just barely avoided being put on the Axis of Evil by sending President Bush a fruit basket.
* Their current tourism campaign in Iraq of proclaiming “Syria is a safe harbor for you, your family, and your chemical weapons.” has drawn some suspicion.
* Syria was first added to the U.S. list of terrorist nations when it was discovered that the country was in the Middle East.
* Syria is so evil that France just can’t wait to appease them.
* Syria’s main exports are electronics, computer software, automobiles, telecommunications equipment, and consumer goods…. whoops, I mean their exports are oil followed far behind by clay pots.
* The Syrians, unlike the Romulans, cannot turn invisible.
* If you are ever chased by a Syrian, drop to the ground, curl up in a ball, and play dead; Syrians only like to murder alive people.
* The country of Syria is completely landlocked, unable to fly for even the shortest distances.
* Syria raised a lot of suspicion when they purchased equipment for making Twinkies since such equipment could easily be converted for making chemical weapons.
* Syria used to follow the Islamic practice of collapsing walls on homosexuals. When their towns became devastated from lack of walls, they instituted a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy.
* Syria is currently as poor as dirt. Without oil, dirt would actually be giving Syria foreign aid.
* Reuters would like to remind you that while some may consider Syria a “terrorist nation”, others might consider it a “freedom fighter nation”. Reuters would also like to remind you to stop slapping them.
* Once, while everyone was distracted with an anti-Israel rally, a bunch of monkeys staged a bloodless coup. At first, people found it funny seeing the monkeys playing around in the government’s capital – that was until the monkeys started ordering mass executions of dissidents.
* In a fight between Syria and Aquaman, Aquaman would win since Superman couldn’t just sit there and watch Aquaman get his ass kicked.
* Military estimates say that the conquering of Syria would take months– unless, of course, you don’t care about all that collateral damage crap. Then is would only take a couple hours and a few beers.
Hilarious! Where do you come up with this stuff?
I am all for the couple of hours and a few beers idea. Could we use remote control monkeys to do it? They might suspect them but there is more than likely still some fear of monkeys since they have already taken over once! I think it would be great psychological warfare to use remote control monkeys for this!
Damnit, Twinkies ARE chemical weapons. Everyone knows that.
But we can’t invade Syria, dammit. They have no oiillll to steal. (Can we have palm oil count? That would work.)
I think your research staff got one of their facts wrong. Syria can in fact fly great distances. Around the globe… as fallout!
The best part of all this is that we and the press are playing right into Bush’s plans… it’s the Nuke The Moon principle. In reality, we’re gonna give the troops a break and let ’em have some beers, and it’s going to take some time before they can each take showers in Saddam’s palaces and they need some time to romp around Uday’s playpen with some of the locals. Hey, let ’em live it up, I say.
But meanwhile, we have the whole f***ing worl believeing we’re gonna just keep marching into Syria. You see their ambassador on Chris Matthews? He looked like a Little Leaguer who just found out the opposing pitcher was Pedro Martinez. Can you say suck-up? He all but promised they’d be nice children and help establish peace.
In six months, after the troops are all rested up, we’ll ask ’em to prove it. “Gee, there are still some Ba’athist holdouts in al-Quaim, I think we’ll have to send a couple of mechanized divisions to restore law and order and prevent looting. And by the way Bashir, what was that you were saying about cleaning out the Bakaa Valley?”
Yeah, without Superman’s help Aquaman would * so * get his ass kicked by Syria. They would hand his ass to him on a platter. With Superman’s help though it is a totally different story.
syria is good land
I HATE VS
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Damn it, this is our military. They deserve a couple of hours and hard liquor.
Not to be nit-picky, but Syria is NOT landlocked. Lebanon stretches over only about half of Syria’s western border, Turkey a small amount, and then there’s a sizable coastline on the Mediteranean Sea. So nyah! 😛
I just like listening to the reporters stumble over their words…ie
SYRIA could face SERIOUS consequences if these issues are not taken SERIOUSLY.
Spork,
Oh, that’s what landlocked means! I thought it meant it was locked into the ground so it could not rise into the air and become a floating fortress. I didn’t know it had anything to do with water.
And Syria doesn’t actually have much oil, at least compared to Iraq. It’s basically clay pots and Jihad.
But that’s cool, because when we stomp in there and rip the Boy Optometrist a new one, the disgusting communist hippy peace creeps won’t be able to whine, ‘it’s all about OOOOIIIILLLLL’.
On Foxnews I heard that Syria made it onto the JV Axis of Evil. With Cuba and Libya. I figured they would move up into the big Axis of Evil, there being an opening and all.
this looks like a job for Hypapowa!
And, oddly enough, they’re still there.
Syria is currently as poor as dirt. Without oil, dirt would actually be giving Syria foreign aid.
Thats the funniest friggin thing ive seen in a long, long time.
But its really disheartening to learn that Syria isn’t a Canadian syrup company. I blame the french.
Ha! This site should be called “LMAO.” Bet you never heard that one before.
I think Aquaman would stand a better chance at winning if he simply waited in the the Red Sea with the USN’s dolphin brigades. The 4th ID would herd Syria’s army, which currently consists of a mule cart, three elves, and an empty coffee cup, into the Sea, where even a remote-controlled Aquaman would kick all form of ass.
Aquaman is so lame. Does he have a real, un-super hero name? Maurice? Jean-Claude?
Aquaman should be thrown off the Superfriends.
His frickin superhero suit is made of fish scales!
How many fish had to give up their skin, er, scales for this travesty?
For a man who is supposed to be protect sea dwellers? More like rule them with an iron fist.
The lawsuits from PETA alone would keep the Justice League tied up and unable to fight crime.
Frank, please stop referring to Aquaman. He is not only a huge wussy but a real legal liability for crime-fighting superheroes around the world.
It was nice of your research team to take a break from crack to get the facts on Syria. Unfortunately they missed one of the biggest details about that little place. They never mentioned at all that it is a state of France. This is important when it comes to retalitory bombings. If Syria is giving refuge to Iraqi badguys then we can only assume that France is behind it. We will have to bomb all of France including its state of Syria.
Collateral damage?
From conquering Syria!?!
Collateral improvement I’d say.
Well, Syria is the oldest inhabited place on earth. The first Alphabet in the world was created in Syria, and it was Syria that invented the wheel and how to make glass. And in Syria the first civilization in the world started. Those who never heard of the Sumerians, they should do that, or else they can be labelled “Americans”, since when a person does not know where something is they ask him “Are you American?”. For Americans are known for not knowing anything outside the boundaries of their country. Syria is Greatness Incarnate.
By the same reasoning, Jimmy Olsen could beat Syria. (Unless you took away his signal watch, maybe.) How lame is that?
And Bridget, Aquaman’s real name is Arthur Curry, and yeah, I feel pretty pathetic just for knowing that fact.
alot of the shyt u put up there might have been funny to those ignorant few. well u started out funny especially the part about the fruit basket, but then it seemed to get biased and racist. i’m not saying syria leaves alot to be desired but lay off the racist crap. just because they’re arab doesn’t mean they’re ‘evil’. oooooh!
To bad you don’t actually know any Syrians. This page and most of the comments make me sick.
What is good about syria?
Have you got nothing better to do then talk about Syria?
A place no doubt you know F_____ all about.
If wasn’t for Syria your brain will stop working.
France have a great thing to offer mainly some common sense and just being human like every body else.
These macho craps about kicking ass how munch of English and American stupidity does carry, can’t you any fuller of bull shit.
Like if England and America is perfect.
More this idiot Bush who classed Sharon as a man of peace, that really goes to show the level of intelligent he carry.
He was proven stupid until 9/11; it was his lucky day it made him looks intelligent.
If all of you hate the ME so much why don’t you go back and stay where you belong.
go back where we belong, huh?
How about Syria getting out of Lebanon and going back where they belong, there, chum…p.
hello who are you?
Ever heard of the Syrian jink?
It’s a tricky manuever that Syrians use to deal with having an ISraeli plane on their tail.
Where most pilots would try to use countermeasures and evade the enemy plane, the Syrians cleverly yank the big yellow handle and eject.