My hate mail to Michael Moore (of which I never did get a deserving response) was probably my most popular post yet, judging from the number of links to it and the how many positive comments were left with it. But, I just checked again, and the last two comments are not very positive at all!
Chris Ball wrote:
If ever I needed reminding, reading the Michael Moore article reminded me why I hate Americans. What a bunch of twats you really are. Mr Moore is surely a rarity as he is an American who has more than two brain cells. At least the rest of the World (excluding Israel and Poodle Blair) understand what a dangerous nation America is. Of course, the majority of you wouldn’t realise this because of the old lack of brain cells. At least your current fear of all things non American will keep the majority of you gun loving, God fearing, black hating, crazy Republicans out of Europe. Long may it continue.
Encouraged, mm lover wrote:
WAY TO GO CHRIS BALL!!! The letter to Michael Moore was anything but humorous. I kept waiting for it to get “hysterically funny.”
“But he’s fat and ugly!” What profound comments Frank. Freaking HILARIOUS! At least Michael Moore has something intelligent to say about the terrible state that America is in, whether you agree with it or not, you should respect other opinions, instead of stooping lower than low.
But instead you’ll continue being narrowminded, you’ll keep living in this website BUBBLE where America’s foreign policy is A-ok.
Why are you so TERRIFIED of him? Could it be because part of what Michael Moore says it the cold hard truth? Wake up! USA is a corporate free market disaster! I feel sick knowing this time of apathetic attitude still exists.
And YES, as Chris Ball was saying, you’re playing into the “dumb American” stereotype perfectly by being so closed off. If only you know what the world really thought of you.
They left their e-mail’s, so, of course, I decided to engage them in a scholarly discussion:
Thank you for your comments in response to my Michael Moore hate mail, Chris Ball and mm lover. You brought up some great points, so I wanted to respond. For the sake of convenience, I’m going to refer to you respectively as Cheech and Chong, so please keep in mind who you are to avoid confusion.
Now, Cheech, you are quite right, the rest of the world realizes what a dangerous nation America is, which is why most of them don’t write us hate mail (we are gun-loving as you like to point out, and God knows we haven’t nuked something in ages are just itching to do so). And you are quite right that Michael Moore is a man who has more than two brain cells; it requires a much more complicated mass of neurons to be able to make loud noises through his vocal cavity like he does. As for us being black hating and God-fearing (never heard that used as an insult before), I have a funny anecdote about that. The other day I saw this black man, and I was like, “Black man! I hate you!”
And he said, “But I’m Korean!”
So I yelled back, “Serves you right, you crazy black man!” I was about to go lynch him, but then I thought I saw the Lord, and, being God-fearing, I ran away. I really have to get over that fear of God, as it is quite disabilitating since God is everywhere (except for parts of Europe).
Now Chong, you are quite right that the reason we hate Michael Moore has nothing to do with him being a hideous prick who seems to have no genuine concern for his fellow man, but instead it’s because we are terrified of him and his cold hard truth. We know that soon he will defeat our corporate America and take leadership himself. Then there will be portraits and statues of Michael Moore everywhere (wow, think of all the stone that we’ll use up to make even a life-size statue of him). We’ll be kept in line in our socialist paradise by numerous unshaven, unshowered Michael Moore look-alikes (shudder).
Well, before that happens, I’m sure we’ll get to do some more violence to other nations first. Right now there is a debate to bomb the crap out of Europe and drill it for oil. I pointed out that there is no oil there, but they responded with, “But drilling is fun!” and, frankly, I don’t have a response to that.
Keep coming back to IMAO.us. I hope you find my posts more humorous in the future. I like to keep a diversity of opinion here… unless of course you’re some hippy or a communist. Then I hope you die some horrible death.
Cordially,
Frank J.
BTW, I’ll have a very special post that I’ll be putting up a little later today. Oh, and one more thing, Michael Moore is fat!
Why is it that if you are conservative and/or Republican, you are: “…being narrowminded…”, “What a bunch of twats you really are”, “gun loving, God fearing, black hating, crazy..”, yet if you are a socialist and/or liberal, you are enlightened, peaceful, and most of all, RIGHT.
Guess you just can’t deal with hatemongering (“I hate Americans”) Euros. Enlightened indeed.
Um…I’m confused…was Cheech the guitar-playing gringo? Which one was the Mexican? And did either of them have a pet monkey?
I think a lot of your readers will be likewise confused, so in the future I suggest you refer to whack-job duos simply as “Tim” and “Susan.”
Your response to Cheech and Chong was insightful and brilliant. Have you ever considered a career at the State Department? Sarcasm and humor is the only way to deal with European (or American) socialist stupidity. Should you decide to run for president this last post of yours contains all of the major points needed for a good party platform.
Er, Frank. I think you just got hate mail from Moore’s mom and sister.
Holy crap! America is a free market disaster! I can’t beleive i didn’t realize that before. Those bastard corporations make me carry all my money around myself; boy i wish the government would just take it right out of my paycheck and spend it for me. That would stop the evil corporate god-fearers from taking my money in exchange for their foul products like indoor plumbing and clothing. Thank you cheech, I have seen the error of my ways.
you’re Michael Moore hatemail is what brought me to the site, how funny it was and the rest of your posts have been is what’s kept me coming back. (much more often than to Scrappleface. !) )
If these were made up the post was brilliant. If they weren’t the post was brilliant. A win win situation by your efforts. Good on ya!
I think it’s a bit ironic that Cheech and Chong/ Tim and Sue consider Non-College-Professor-Socialist-Commies to be “God-fearing”.
For the most part I do as much as possible to understand God and all his glory. That doesn’t make me fear him (or her. He’s God, he can be whatever he feels like). However, the immediate adverse reaction of the extreme left to any exposure to contrary opinions or critism of their dogma strikes me as fear and/or cowardice.
They know that their arguements and beliefs cannot withstand even a casual exposure to reality.
I have to disagree here. Humor and sarcasm are most definitely NOT the ideal way to deal with the people of the Grand EUrinal.
ICBMs, on the other hand, ARE.
And they say Conservatives have no sense of humor. Freaks.
Can things get anymore funny? I don’t think so (but I hope so). I can just see the looks on their fulstered faces as they wonder:
“Why oh why do they not understand the danger! Why must they be humorous at times like these, when good men like Michael Moore are under personal attack by the likes of this Frank scoundrel!”
I hope this frustration causes them to suffer severe fits of angina, which eventually demobilizes them and prevents them from saving rainforests. It would be the most brilliant assault on the rainforests defenses in decades.
Jim – “It would be the most brilliant assault on the rainforests defenses in decades.”
More brilliant than Tim Curry singing “Toxic Love”? uh-UHH!
I may send you hate mail just so I can get a response like that. You’re hilarious.
Dear Frank, they hate you because you’re brilliant, funny and you’re team is winning the debate. Thanks for making me laugh!
Frank, you have just learned the primary lesson regarding saying anything negative about Michael Moore, the Fat Windbag: you WILL get hate mail.
I go weeks and weeks with no hate mail sometimes. Then I write about Michael Moore, and the floodgates open. It’s a mathematical surety, and has never ever failed. And, the most vile, disgusting, hateful hate mail I’ve ever gotten, bar none, was in response to the things I write about Michael Moore. And I don’t even call him fat.
And what the asshats don’t realize is that their putrid, stupid hate mail only confirms my feelings about Michael Moore: the people who worship him and/or respect him are rectal nuggets.
Next time I get hate mail about the Lying Bastard Punkass, I’m simply going to respond with a link to this post. ‘Cause you nailed it, my friend!
How can people who like such a wide, wide man be so narrow-minded? I do not understand.
Heh heh… rectal nuggets…
-Flakbait
Sadly, I bet “Cheech” and “Chong” arn’t even old enough to know who the REAL Cheech and Chong are. So, to educate the masses go here
ooops… didn’t preview befor posting…. here’s the URL http://www.cheechandchong.com/
Since when is God fearing a bad thing?
Dumb Godless hippies
Must pelt with bars of soap
We’ll see who laughs last when God sinks Europe into the ocean, and maybe parts of California too!
Those two clowns have to be part of a failed genetic experiment, the same one that brought MM into existance.
Maybe they share one mind, like the Borg in Star Trek, but they don’t all have access to it at the same time. They have to take turns or something.
– Rust
Love the site, Frank!
****I can just see the looks on their fulstered faces as they wonder:
“Why oh why do they not understand the danger! Why must they be humorous at times like these, when good men like Michael Moore are under personal attack by the likes of this Frank scoundrel!”****
Jim,
This would be hilarious, if not so sick and sad.
I just can’t believe that after Pol Pot, Stalin, Castro, and Mao, these retards PREFER totalitarianism to a free market.
What idiots.
Way to go, Frank. Chris Ball’s comment showed the namecalling the left (both in Europe and in the US) likes to engage in. No proof, just empty allegations. He needs to reexamine his own beliefs every time he bloviates like that.
I’m just so pleased with myself for making this that I have to keep sharing it.
frank, you are a freaking STUD! too funny, and keep up the good work
It is because of Frank that I can sleep at night. He is our 457th line of defense against the morons of the world.
Fritz:
Cute, but too skinny.
Frank:
Cute, but too wordy. EuroCommieLibs only speak in short phrases or rhymes, and generally have to carry big signs around with those rhymes on them to remind them what they’re supposed to be saying.
Fritz,
Love the bobble head doll. It such an off-handed compliment.
Stinki,
Well, you are no Jerry Lewis, but one would think that even a Euro-prick could find humor in your writing. But I stand corrected.
And as for “mmlover”, I hate to sound cruel, but . . . isn’t being MM’s lover punishment enough?!!! I mean, its horrific. Lashing out at you out of pain and self-loathing must be all he has left. There should be some kind of support group for cases like his.
It’s not your fault, MMLOVER! Its just a part of the illness. PLEASE, seek help. There are those out there who have been through this and will understand . . . potentially. Well, there are councelors you could talk to anyways.
Ahem!
I want an apology from Cheech! Australia is another country proud to be called an American arselicker and yet we aren’t included in the Leftist “Axis of 3v1l”.
I demand more accusations of Australia being an American Lapdog, and I want them now!
Much of Al Franken’s “Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot” is also on fat & ugly jokes (actually a funny book, too, at least the non-biographical parts.)
Yeh, we Aussies need to be made fun of some more by the leftists of the world. It’ll strengthen the right-wing in Australia cos if there’s one thing Australians can’t stand.. it’s to be called names by a bunch of pissy little retards with no balls.
All these threats of violence to the commies; it just doesn’t seem to scare them. That’s because they only fear capitalism. There’s only one way to deal with that…threaten to buy them.
Once you buy them you can do what you want. You can put them in monkey cages or maybe feed them to starving kids in Africa.
Ah, the benefits of a free market society.
Sarah,
Pretty good, silly sister; you should have your own blog.
Ken and Korgy, I agree. We Australians aren’t getting bashed enough by the international left. I’m quickly running out of idiot Australian leftists to pick on. It’s so sad.
For those who are confused about Cheech and Chong, Cheech is the burnout while Chong is the pothead. No wait, Chong is the burnout and Cheech is the pothead.
Wait, what where we talking about?
That’s the point.
Re: Michael Moore Defenses
It’s true, he has more than one brain cell, unlike many Americans (e.g. Tim Robbins, Janeane “throw yourself on a grenade instead of her” Garafalo and Alec Baldwin). However, this profusion of brain cells is solely due to the fact that fat cells are easily acquired, and Mr. Moore had plenty of space to store them in his cranium.
It’s also true that it’s mean to call Michael Moore a crapulent, fat, bloated gasbag of half-literate putrescence. On the other hand, it’s a lot better than most of the things we’d like to call him. Moreover, it’s much better than he deserves.
All that said, Michael Moore is a mythical figure. I’m thinking Shelob, the enormous, foul smelling bloated spider from Tolkien’s Ring trilogy.
I’d say that skewering Michael Moore is fun, but you’d get awful greasy, and I can’t even imagine what he smells like when you puncture his elasto-matic sweat suit.
http://www.diablogger.com/archives/000267.html
Reuters news service dialed up Marvel Studio’s CEO Avi Avrad after the X-Men 2’s debut this weekend for a quote.
I think his name was changed from the French “hypenated” version – it should read:
MIchael Moo-ré
Frank:
re: what you said;
Then there will be portraits and statues of Michael Moore everywhere (wow, think of all the stone that we’ll use up to make even a life-size statue of him). We’ll be kept in line in our socialist paradise by numerous unshaven, unshowered Michael Moore look-alikes (shudder).
Just in case you missed it, we already handled this problem.
I don’t mind to be referred to as “Eurotrash” or inhabitant of the “EUrinal”. I can stand a lot of insults. But there is a limit somewhere.
That is when it comes to religion. As Catholic I am deeply shocked by so much abuse of God’s name and Christian belief. In all what I have read about God here I have to assume that there must be something like an “American God” opposed to a “the rest of the world’s God”. Is there also a confession called “American Catholic” opposed to “Roman Catholic”? It seems likely as there seem to be profound differences in the perception of God. Is God restricted to bless and protect only one country or maybe also those he is allowed to help by this country? Is it likely that the almighty God cares more about borders set up by mankind than about those people in need of his support, whereever they may be? Is it wise to think that God would appreciate to be used as a political or rhetoric device and this even in speeches about war? In my view it seems more reasonable to leave his name out of politics entirely, if you intend to abuse it. Don’t get me wrong, it’s highly desirable to have a state or e.g. a politic party based on religious values, but to claim to know what God’s will is, e.g. that my ideas are God’s ideas, just as if he appears to me every night, is absolutely unacceptable. Who on Earth can claim that they take decisions, God would take? Or that they can tell good from evil just as well as God himself? The situation “limited scope of human beings vs. universal knowledge of God” seems to exclude any assumption that equality in this point is possible. To call oneself “God’s tool to fight the evil” thus can only be considered even more outragious, as, in my view, this is a direct insult of God, as we can at best estimate (with help of the Bible) what he would want us to do and to my knowledge, war and fight are not even likely to be the right choice. Even though there have been the crusades, the concept of a “Holy War”, for me, doesn’t fit into Christian belief. The same goes for every world religion as the idea of “peace” is something they have in common. It’s only fanatics who seem to think differently.
It is interesting to watch people insult Moore, or anyone, on the basis of their appearance. Those who post that Frank has “nailed it” on insulting Michael Moore in a way that it degrades him do not realize they’re only degrading themselves. I’m an American and I happen to, gasp, not care how Moore looks! Isn’t that astounding?
Haven’t people learned? Insults about people being fat are so outdated and, well, pathetic. If someone can find good, researched evidence that I shouldn’t read Moore’s research, well, let me know!
(His movie, BFC,used information acquired by four research groups and a couple of lawyers went over it to make sure it wasn’t just making allegations. For Moore Haters and dissenters of his movie, check out his response to “wacko attackos”, http://www.michaelmoore.com/words/wackoattacko/.
Have a nice day.
michael moore is a great american hero, check out this anti bush rock opera at http://mystic_lonewolf.tripod.com , musicians wanted to record songs for compilation cd.
For those looking for a good source of all the lies in BFC, try http://www.bowlingfortruth.com/
hey, i went to the bowling for truth website but i could not find one single instance of m moore lying, that website bends and distorts the truth to make m moore’s opinions look like lies when in fact an opinion is an opinion, right or wrong, can’t anyone show me one instance where m moore lied?
hey, i just read bush is a convicted theif, a convicted drunk and that his ugly wife killed her ex boyfriend, is this true or more of m moore’s lies? let me know, also check out bush rock opera at syberite http://mystic_lonewolf.tripod.com
how about those bush dogs, i mean those bush ho’s, i mean the bush girls, i hear they give GREAT tongue
i heard bush pooped his pants in public. what about you?
http://www.moorelies.com
Douchebag hacked up two different speeches by my boy Chuck to make it look like he was spitting in the face of the victims of Columbine. In the imortal words of someone, ooooooh no you did NOT.
I go weeks and weeks with no hate mail sometimes. Then I write about Michael Moore, and the floodgates open. It’s a mathematical surety, and has never ever failed. And, the most vile, disgusting, hateful hate mail I’ve ever gotten, bar none, was in response to the things I write about Michael Moore. And I don’t even call him fat. And what the asshats don’t realize is that their putrid, stupid hate mail only confirms my feelings about Michael Moore: the people who worship him and/or respect him are rectal nuggets.