Canada always seemed to be too inconsequential to be an enemy, but I sent my crack research staff to find out what they can about Canada to see for sure if our neighbor to the north can be trusted.
FUN FACTS ABOUT CANADA
* Canada was originally populated by peoples loyal to Britain and dumb people who just got lost.
* Canada is still technically owned by England and has to dance for them when commanded.
* That happens usually three times a year.
* The border between U.S. and Canada is the longest unprotected border in the world. There are plans to mine it, set up video cameras all along it, and not tell Canada for a new Fox special called When Americans Are Bastards.
* It is rumored Canada has its own military. Their most powerful weapon is the telephone with which they can call America and say, “Help! We’re being invaded, eh!”
* Canadians are almost as genetically similar to humans as the chimpanzee.
* Was originally called Cana, but, since everyone there said, “I live in Cana, duuuuh,” the name Canada eventually stuck.
* For the same reasons, it will eventually be known as Canadada.
* Their national symbol is the most evil of leafs, the Maple Leaf, a.k.a. Satan’s Palm.
* In a fight between Aquaman and a maple leaf… actually, a maple leaf is even too lame for Aquaman. Our national symbol, the bald eagle, would whup Aquaman’s ass, though.
* Canadians pretend to be peaceful, but more Canadians are murdered in Canada every year than any other country.
* Canada modeled their currency after ours just to annoy us when we accidentally get useless Canadian trinkets in change instead of hard American currency.
* Canada has a picture of a queen on their money to show their contempt for democracy.
* A large minority of Canadians speak French, and they boss around the rest of the Canadians. Bossed around by French-speaking people – that’s so pathetic I can’t even imagine it.
* Canadians think they are superior to Americans. The rational basis for this is unknown.
* Canada holds up a sham democracy to try and be accepted by the civilized world, but in fact all real decisions are made by their moose overlord.
* It’s a myth that the normal way a Canadian says “about” is so that it rhymes with “boot”. It just happens that a lot of Canadians are retarded.
* The northern area of Canada is technically God-forsaken. If anyone there has a prayer, he or she first has to mail it to an American priest for God to hear it.
* Most of the prayers involve hockey and are promptly ignored.
* If a Canadian ever tries to express an opinion about America, hit him on the head with a rolled up newspaper while shouting, “No!” You have to catch them in the act or they’ll never learn.
* Canada has gone its entire history without doing anything of note, something almost unheard of for a country its size.
* Canada has become an entry point for terrorist which has caused Canada’s boring index to decrease slightly.
* Canada doesn’t have all the beliefs in liberty and freedom of speech that we have. So, if you have to go to Canada, make sure to bring a gun to help them recognize.
* Canada is so defective that it loses gravity for six hours every month.
* Canada has no known industry. It’s believed all their income comes from sales of syrup and hockey tickets.
* Canadians have universal healthcare. The way they afford it is making people wait so long that most die before seeing a doctor.
* Canadians are completely harmless, but don’t assume someone who is wearing a hockey mask is Canadian. The people at Crystal Lake made that mistake and, well, it was messy.
* Canadians don’t have any nuclear missiles because we decided they are not mature enough for them. Maybe when they’re older.
* Canadians have national gun registration. While solving no crime, the excessive amount of money the initiative has taken has foiled Canada’s evil schemes to make mutant snow monkeys.
* If ever attacked by a Canadian… well… beat the crap out of him. What? You can’t take a Canadian? What kind of pansy are you?
* This list would be classified as a hate crime in Canada.
* Actually, most Canadians who read this list would just say, “Eh?”
Classic!
Frank J. as a Canadian I can confirm that your list would be classified a hate crime here.
However you are wrong when you say: “Canada has gone its entire history without doing anything of note, something almost unheard of for a country its size.”
The truth is we have done lots of great things – you Americans just tend to assume that an American did them.
For example: James Naismith (a Canadian) invented the game of Basketball.
Bet you didn’t know that did you? Think of that the next time you are enjoying an NBA game.
For the rest of the day I am going to post more great things that Canadians have done. Just to enlighten you and your reader.
A “crack research team”?
Do they spend their time checking out the local plumbers?
“For example: James Naismith (a Canadian) invented the game of Basketball.”
But he did it in America. Canadian oppression prevented him from perfecting it in Canada.
We do SO have potent weapons – we’ve pretty much taken over comedy, and Celine is in Vegas. We’re entertaining you to death, and it’s only a matter of time before our robo-mutant BMD’s (Beavers of Mass Deforestation) will be able to creep across the border unnoticed, wreck ecological havok, destabilize the economy and TAKE BACK ALL OUR HOCKEY TEAMS! BWAHAHAHAHA! And then we’d apologize. But we wouldn’t mean it.
Oops – “apologise”. Sorry.
I don’t understand the whole Canada/Canadian thing. I mean we are America, but not Americians. Either they change to Canadia, or Canadans. One or the other.
Except for the frenchies, who shall continue to be known as Frognadians.
Would it help enliven Canada if we give them Chicago? If it’ll help, I’d be glad to do it.
Actually, my boss is Canadian and she seems OK. If she’s here as part of some incidious, secret plot, she’s doing a damned fine job of it.
How did Canada decide to spell its name?
They pulled three letters out of a scrabble bag, “C, eh. N, eh. D, eh.”
Oh? Canada! Eh?
Frank J. gives shares the info concerning our hockey-stick-wielding neighbors: – Canada is still technically owned by England and has to dance for them when commanded. – That happens usually three times a year. Read the entire post….
Another fun Canadian fact:
The term “Axis of Evil” was coined by George Bush’s CANADIAN speech writer – David Frum.
Let’s not forget that maple syrup comes from a maple trees, which !surprise! are covered in MAPLE LEAFS!
Otherwise, more funny stuff from the champ, Frank J.
Lyana: IMO, you got “apologize” right, but “havoc” wrong. You can have all your hockey teams back. NO ONE would notice!
Actually, eventually Canada will be known as “Canada-eh?” by your logic.
What about all these Canada geese? Is their anyway we can keep them from migrating south in the winter? Who needs that much fertilizer? They’re completly overshitting the countryside. Since they’re Canadian their should be an open season on them 24/7/365 once they cross the border. I wonder if bald eagles routinely kick Canada geese’s ass.
Canadian geese you to ruin the lake I lived near in New Jersey. I hate those things.
ya hoser!
From what I saw of New Jersey, are you sure the lake wasn’t already ruined?
A Thought for the day
Frank J: * The border between U.S. and Canada is the longest unprotected border in the world. There are plans to mine it, set up video cameras all along it, and not tell Canada for a new Fox special called…
“Canada has no known industry. It’s believed all their income comes from sales of syrup and hockey tickets.”
You forgot two Frank. Porn and mimicing American cityscapes in movies. Heck, they were even instrumental in the plot of the last, great American musical, South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut.
As for The Meatriarchy’s assertions about great Canadian achievments I need to reiterate the statment made before that all these accomplishments were done in America.
“Was originally called Cana, but, since everyone there said, “I live in Cana, duuuuh,” the name Canada eventually stuck.”
I think you owe us readers an apology for this one Frank. Quite lame, and you probably knew it and posted anyway.
LMAO
I had a canadian girlfriend who’s grandparents came in from Novascotia and they said “about” just a tad different than what you said…. “We’re going oat in aboat”…. “We’re going out and about.” F-in canucks.
More Fun Canada Facts:
Why do Canadians ‘do it’ doggy style?
So they can both watch the hockey game, eh.
OK SSGB the telephone, imax camera, electron microscope, trivial pursuit board game, music synthesizer and the zipper were all invented in Canada.
There’s canadian porn? Eh?
They are also the first modern country to have their military go bankrupt! Now how’s that for accomplishments!?
DO NOT MAKE LIGHT OF CANADA!!! Aren’t any of you aware of their insidious plot to take over America from within?!?!? The governor of Michigan is Canadan and she is being talked about for higher office.
How do you recognize politicians that are really Canadans? Its very hard…nigh to impossible. But, since they all run as democrats, the best thing you can do for your country’s security is to not vote for a democrat under any circumstance!
Creating the music synthesizer is reason enough to demand yet another apology from Canada for making the world a worse place. And they can never apologize too often for Brian Adams.
Don’t forget, Canada is the only country to send troops to Washington, D.C and burn the White House to the ground! But that doesn’t count since that happened in America.
“When Americans Are Bastards” Um, you mean we aren’t bastards already? Am I the only one?
Don’t forget Peter Jennings is from ‘up there’.
He says “aboot” sometimes, although he tries not to.
Not just Peter Jennings but also
John Roberts
Kevin Newman
Morley Safer
Thalia Assuras,
Nadine Berger
Peter Kent
Linden Soles
That’s right its Canadians not Jews who control the media.
oops forgot Ashleigh Banfield of MSNBC
Ohh this was a classic list. Living in ND, there is quite a bit of influence from Cana-duh-eh, and it’s scary how true some of these are!! Darn Canadian quarters. I lost .20 American cents I figure!! At least I got to feed it into a parking meter. Muhaha.
I laughed my ass off at the hockey jokes, all true. I think Frank has his mojo back after the poor top ten list showing!
Also, Canadians are Communists! Not only do they have a government-run healthcare system, but they use the metric system.
The only pass I can give to Canada is Mike Meyers, he’s funny. But the unfunny Bob and Doug MacKenzie cancel out all other comedians from Canada.
It’s one thing to make fun of canadians, but leave their great sport alone. Hockey rules. Go Cane’s. They also make better beer and whiskey. After that its all polar bears and frozen tundra tho!
We have a hockey team here in Arizona. How unnatural is that???
Frank,
Don’t know if you caught this one or not:
http://www.nationalreview.com/issue/steyn200402230836.asp
Familiar as I am with Canada (I’m 20 minutes from the border in the suburbs of Detroit) you have to give them credit for their comedy. Royal Canadian Air Farce, This Hour Has 22 Minutes, Red Green Show and 20 hours of hockey a day makes CBC better then most of the American networks (not really an accomplishment I know). Though I have to back on Frank on the money and the annoying “aboot” they use. We need to do an exchange of sorts; they teach us more about moose, hockey, and snow, while we teach them proper english and how to run a country correctly.
Geez Joe, if you don’t let the Canadians lie about SOMETHING, what will they have left to be proud of? The fact that they politely ASKED for their freedon (and still essentialy refuse teh responsibility that goes with it) instead of having the balls to TAKE it?
Fact check shcmact check:
History of the Zipper:
http://inventors.about.com/library/weekly/aa082497.htm
Fact Check on Aisle Five.
Alexander Graham Bell was born in Scotland. He then moved to Canada. Only after he moved to America did he “invent” the telephone. Nothing Canadian here.
The original contention was:
“OK SSGB the telephone, imax camera, electron microscope, trivial pursuit board game, music synthesizer and the zipper were all invented in Canada.”
We’re left with Trivial Pursuit board game. I haven’t googled that one yet…
Fact Check Schmact Check
“Hillier received his B.A. in Mathematics and Physics in 1937 and stayed on at the University of Toronto to pursue graduate studies. He and Prebus were students when in 1937 they assembled a model of a microscope that could magnify 7,000 times–much greater than the 2,000 times magnification produced by optical microscopes used at that time. This machine passed a beam of electrons, rather than a beam of light, through a specimen. The beam would then be focused on a photographic plate. A theory developed 15 years earlier by a German physicist had suggested that an electron microscope could have a resolving power much better than a light microscope, and Hillier and Prebus’ machine proved this to be true. Since electrons’ wavelength is smaller than the wavelength of light, greater magnification and depth of focus was indeed possible. The images created by this new type of microscope were as clear as an image on a modern television screen.”
Developing a theory doesn’t make you the inventor.
A Canadian invented the plastic garbage bag. Probably needed them for empty beers cans and raked-up maple leaves.
A Canadian invented the heart pacemaker. Unfortunately, his version couldn’t be implanted inside a person, as it was too big. It took an American to figure out how to keep people from having to have wires running from their chest to a battery pack.
A Canadian invented instant mashed potatoes, and thus became the source of all misery for grade school kids in cafeterias.
A Canadian invent newsprint. So you can thank the Canucks for the way your hands are all black after reading a newspaper.
Canadians invent the snowblower and snowmobile. Imagine that!
Inside every Canadian is a AMERICAN trying to claw his way out.
OOOH, Ashleigh Banfield….a bright spot in that dark northern expanse….no, seriously, its friggin dark up north
Oh yeah, snowmobiles…….GREAT for pulling alongside coyotes in the snow and shooting them with my .45, or just plain RUNNING THEM OVER!!!! i hold coyotes in the same esteem as frank holds monkeys
Joe, in defense of The Meatriarchy AG Bell did invent the telephone while living in Bradduck Nova Scotia. However, he premiered it at the Centennial Exhibition in Philadelphia in 1876. Unfortunatly for The Meatriarchy this makes AG Bell a Scotsman who made his fortune in, and thanks to, America. Not Canada
But I do think in all this commentary on Canadian/ Not Canadian accomplishments we’re missing a very important, and true, Canadian fact. They’re being bossed around by people who WANT to be French! Their entire government seems to be based on the concept of not pissing off the French-wannabes. If people want to see what America would be like under President Kerry, look to our French-wannabe-appeasing neighbors.
Not all of Canadian culture is bad though. They serve booze at full-nude, full-contact strip clubs.
Decent Canadian: Tom Green.
Okay, here’s some good things aboot Canada… specifically Quebec.
The “Unibroue” brewery. If you’ve ever had any of their beers, you know what I’m talking aboot. “Maudite” is the best beer I’ve ever, ever, ever had, and my friends all know me as a beer snob. I can finally get them in Maryland, in 750ml bottles (wine bottles, complete with cork), for aboot $6 each, and worth every penny.
“La Tornade” is French for “The Tornado” — think Mike’s Hard Lemonade, only better flavor, at 9% alcohol, and meant to be served over ice. Unfortunately, I’ve only ever seen it in Quebec City. It just doesn’t get any better than that on a hot summer day, and there actually was one when I was there, only nobody knew it because the thermometers all said 30 degrees.
and finally (yes, I tried my best and could only think of three), Canadian exchange rates. If you don’t know what I mean, you don’t know what you’re missing.
Oh wait, one more… I was driving around in Quebec City, listening to the radio in near total futility. The music was about half American, half in French; but everything else was in French. So, I’m trying to sort out what the hell they’re saying… I hear a Burger King commercial, and it sounds like “blah blah blah Whopper blah blah blah Burger King blah blah blah”
So then I hear what is obviously another commercial, and it goes “blah blah blah blah blah MOTHERF***ER!!! blah blah blah blah” I aboot wrecked the car. Damn, those frogs talk funny.
Canadans invented ‘Moosehead’ and ‘Newfies’, also.
We played a fun celebrity name game in college called “Canadian, or Dead?” I think that was invented in Canada…eh?
Here are some more excellent Canadian inventions:
http://www.geocities.com/theanticanadapage/evilcanadian.htm
I sure you will all love this page.
The inventor of Trivial Pursuit lives in the Niagara Region, better known as the place where Tim Horton died.
Fun fact on Trivial Pursuit: When being invented, Ed Werner (one of the 4 involved in the game)went around a local university, asking finance profs to invest. They all said no. I guess when they say “Those who can, do; those who can’t, teach” were right!
Actually, they think that because looking at a map, Canada is above, or “superior to” the US. This is misleading due to the fact that the US is actually SUPPORTING Canada. Without us, Canada would fall onto Mexico and break.
“This is not the first troublesome thing to come out of Canada, let us not forget Bryan Adams”
“Now, Now, The Canadian government has apologized for Bryan Adams on several occasions”
~ South Park the Movie
Blogstroll
I’ve been awful busy of late, so posting has been light. Today, when I have time, I have absolutely nothing to say that hasn’t already been said elsewhere. Gaaarrrr. I probably ought to get a life, so that I’d have…
Blogstroll
I’ve been awful busy of late, so posting has been light. Today, when I have time, I have absolutely nothing to say that hasn’t already been said elsewhere. Gaaarrrr. I probably ought to get a life, so that I’d have…
Let’s all just agree with The Meatriarchy that the Canadians probably did invent something at some point.
Since there are a lot of Canadians posting here today, is it true that Canadians eat beaver?
MonkeyPants
Imperial Minion
The Canadian government has admitted that their handgun registry has not helped in solving a single crime in eighty years, but they still went ahead and passed a law for registering ALL firearms, at a mere cost of ONE BILLION dollars!
Actually, that’s 2 billion:
http://www.cbc.ca/stories/2004/02/13/gunregistry_rdi040213
That’s only 1000 times more than the original projected cost. Even in Canadian dollars, that’s saying something.
Meatmaster and SSG B:
Telephone?
http://inventors.about.com/library/weekly/aa082497.htm
there are no such things as “canadian geese” they’re “canada geese”
in case anybody cared
We have Canada geese here year-round. Not the same ones, though. Our summer ones fly south to, I don’t know, Vegas, maybe. Our winter ones come here from the Yukon or somewhere. The difference is that the winter ones say “Honk, eh!”, while the summer ones say “Yo, honk!”
Always thinking,
Special Ed
“Either they change to Canadia, or Canadans.”
I have thought the same way as well, my friend.
MonkeyPants:
We only eat beaver tails – deep fried with powdered sugar and strawberries!
“For example: James Naismith (a Canadian) invented the game of Basketball.”
I hate that game, now I hate Canada even more. If you’re trying to impress me you’ve failed
Dan:
Haven’t you been reading?
Apparently according to American rules because James invented the game while living in the ‘states it apparently doesn’t count as a “Canadian invention”
Therefore you will have to go back to self loathing since apparently the game you hate is an American invention.
BTW all of you who have been suggesting that we should feel guilty over Bryan Adams or whatever other Canadian pop star (whose records are bought by droves of Americans – Shania Twain and that horible Celine Dion for example) can forget about it.
I see no need to apologize to the country that gave us Michael Moore, Ryan Seacrest, Dixie Chicks, Rick Dees, Kathy Lee Gifford etc etc etc.
And yes we eat beaver – in fact did you know that a Canadian invented “shaved beaver”
It’s true you know. Of course the theory was first put forward by a Lithuanian who mentioned it in a bathouse in New York to an attendant who didn’t understand Lithuanian so of course the Lithuanians are claiming credit.
Wankers.
I invented the zipper. And basketball. In fact, I invented inventions. I also invented Canadians.
Ouch! that stings. But you know, I have to point out, in that letter that Margaret Cho(another American not to be proud of) wrote, she mentioned that she had assumed that Michael Moore was a Canadian. That’s a pretty damning observation.
Britannica’s description of Bell:
“Scottish-born American audiologist best known as the inventor of the telephone”
http://search.eb.com/eb/article?eu=15411&tocid=0&query=%22alexander%20graham%20bell%22&ct=
The guy vacationed in Canada, but was based in Boston as of the early 1870s.
We have CANADA to blame for basketball? Oh thank God. Now all I have to do to think America blameless is to find out Phil Donahue is Canadian. My God, we can blame them for Jim Carrey, that damned singer woman and basketball. Jesus.
The point is… That canada doesnt have any kind of recognition. by fault of the french speakers…they cause the country to lose its credibility.
Ever wondered where all those dhimmicrats, read Liberals, came from? Canucks making visits to the American trailerpark gals? Canucks don’t invade, we pervert.
On A Lighter Note
Read a very funny post about a true enemy to civil rights, Canada.
Oh, hell
I forgot about Shania Twain………
How about they put a fence around Que-bek, call THAT Canada, and the rest of it can become states # 51 thru 62?
Don’t annoy Frank
Frank at IMAO riffs on Canada; a sample:The border between U.S. and Canada is the longest unprotected border in the…
Frank, you forgot one ‘fun fact’, they call their money “loonies”.
They did have two pretty good exports, Second City TV and Kids in the Hall.
30 Helens agree, Canada has been going downhill every since.
I just want to tell all of you Canadians on here, that I’m damned proud of you guys for coming up with Crown Royal, and continuing to produce it in massive enough quantities that we never run out of it down here in Tx. Could you work on the price a little though? $55 a handle is cutting in to my tobacco and gambling budget pretty severley.
World War I and II, who was there first? Canadians, Britsh and French, yet for some reason you still take credit for the win, thanks for coming into it 3 years late.
They come into a way 3 years late, and the war ends shortly after they enter.
BTW, Canada did not choose to go to way, they followed their master into it.
“World War I and II, who was there first? Canadians, Britsh and French, yet for some reason you still take credit for the win, thanks for coming into it 3 years late.”
Yes, and now in the War on Terror, the ‘Canadan’ “armed” forces have bravely and in a brilliant masterstroke worthy of Sun Tzu, gone bankrupt. That’ll show those terrorists!
“Stop attacking us or by God, we’ll go into receivership! We’ll do it! Don’t MAKE me file Chapter 11 on your ass!!”
Beaver Tails – yes as described above. Beavers no. But we all live in igloos and get around by dogsled. You have to leave your car at the border.
I don’t believe we’re under the monarchy of Britain any more. (Could be wrong.)
We went to to the WWI and WWII to support the mother land, and to do what was right. The Americans sat around an waited until Pearl Harbor got bombed.
That said America still rocks.
“Eh?”
I…have…(sniff)…a confession to make…Though i am now “Adam from Utah(not by choice or for long)”, I was once adam from canada. It is true. my bastard canadian father clubbed my new jersyite mother over the head and dragged her off to the frozen land of the north. Even in her bondage, she had the self sacrificing presense of mind to attain for me my American citizenship. For this i will thank her for the rest of my days. Upon hearing the stories of the bountiful non-frozen land to the south, i railed against my communist french rulers by refusing to pronounce the french they taught me in school correctly. at the age of fourteen i was finally liberated. I prompty renounced my canadian citizenshop when i turned 18. I remember driving by the border guard on the way out of hell…er ummmm Canada…and thinking…”unprotected border?” whatever! these three border guards could obviously kick all of canada’s ass’faster that it took me to make the decision to leave it…ie. not very long. they appeared to me as liberators. but i do not suggest that the US liberate canada. If they do not have the courage to leave the rediculous french oppression and 60% plus taxes then let them suffer in the freezing wasteland. I have no pity for them. As penance for my canadian upbringing, i own four guns,dream of living once again in TX where i learned what being american is all about, and am in training for the american air force security forces, looking forward to a career in american law enforcement. Thank you for this chilling and wonderful expose of our terrifyingly evil neighbors to the north. it has given me the courage to speak out finally about the horrors of my youth
Adam(soon to be from texas once more)
‘Facts’ aboot Canada
That wacky Frank J. is at it again and this time, he tackles us evil canadians by exposing ‘facts’ on our disturbing culture (or lack thereof). Oh, those crazy americans! An excerpt: * Canada holds up a sham democracy to…
Yes, I am ashamed of my native Canada’s current butthole government, the PC Nazis Party better known as the effete Liberals and the New Demsocialist Coalition. But!!! We beat your asses twice — by two full years — to fighting Germany. Yes, yanks, we went to war promptly in 1914 and 1939, of our own accord.
We had our own landing at Normandy, at Juno. Nazis hated Candians because they were great bilingual spies. SS would sometimes summarily execute them, a violation of even Nazi law (so I was told by a US historian). And most of all, we lost 60,000 — 60,000!!! — in WW 1.
That’s more than America lost in Vietnam, and back in 1918, we had a population of probably 15,000,000, if that.
Now, as for today, Canadian government sucks. Our pot smoking ex-PM left the army in debt. We trashed marriage. We turned a blind eye to Iraq. We are back to caring less about the war on terror, probably because the terrorist cells in Canada are protected minorities.
Where have the proud Canadian warriors of freedom gone?
Oh, and as for this being a hate crime in Canada, the Minister of MultiCulturalism PC can kiss my white dual-citizen arse!!!!!!
Repost, sorry. Bug in the first. Yes, I am ashamed of my native Canada’s current butthole government, the PC Nazis Party better known as the effete Liberals and the New Demsocialist Coalition. But!!! We beat your asses twice — by two full years — to fighting Germany. Yes, yanks, we went to war promptly in 1914 and 1939, of our own accord. We had our own landing at Normandy, at Juno. Nazis hated Candians because they were great bilingual spies. SS would sometimes summarily execute them, a violation of even Nazi law (so I was told by a US historian). And most of all, we lost 60,000 — 60,000!!! — in WW 1. That’s more than America lost in Vietnam, and back in 1918, we had a population of probably 15,000,000, if that. Now, as for today, Canadian government sucks. Our pot smoking ex-PM left the army in debt. We trashed marriage. We turned a blind eye to Iraq. We are back to caring less about the war on terror, probably because the terrorist cells in Canada are protected minorities. Where have the proud Canadian warriors of freedom gone? Oh, and as for this being a hate crime in Canada, the Minister
Okay.. I think I’ll put my name to this list and stick up for the “Canadaians”.
At the risk of being chastized from my native Americans, I do love most of you guys up there. really.
The original list is quite funny for the reason that it’s like pestering a sibling. something known not to be meant in a serious way.
IUCanuck has the right attitude about it all. Good for him.
I’m very upset at the way m’boy Don Cherry was treated recently. I wrote an article about the “freedom of speech”. I’m convinced that it just doesn’t exist in Canada anymore, if it ever did. Plus my own couple of experiences that I’m not to happy aboot with Canada that sours some of my affection for them.
Okay.. well lets end this post on a positive…
Thank you Canada for Mario Lemieux, Labatt Blue, TRISH STRATUS (WOO HOO!),… and other things.
The moral to the story is that Americans and Canadians can take a good ribbing!
Darn right I do! I am proud to be a Canadian-AMERICAN, a naturalized American. If I have one regret, it is that I cannot as a US citizen influence Canada to:
a) Grow some balls and remilitarize to aid in the war on terror
b) desocialize, especially TV and campaigns
c) they can keep their health plans, the wusses, the dirty truth is it only works because they have so few to insure, and last time I was there I observed 1) they were charging a basic cash fee for some visits and 2) OVER THE COUNTER medicine will cost you an arm and a leg. A bottle of Gaviscon was $18 C!!!!!!!! Plus their stupid provincial and federal tax, which is higher than the CN Tower. That’s how they pay for the health plan. The taxes are high, and the drug companies make up for their prescription losses by hiking the prices of aspirin and antacids!! Stupid Liberals!!!!
See, when I make fun of canucks, I’m not making fun of the good ones, I’m making fun of the crazy socialist liberal commie ones that are screwing up canadia. Also, insulting people from quebec takes priority over insulting said crazy canadians.
My favorite Canadian joke about how Canada got it’s name: Canada was originally charted by Spanish explorers coming north out of Colorado. On the maps they made, they wrote “Que nada” loosely transloated as “Here, there is nothing.”
I like that Canadian porn. Seals always turn me on…
Don’t forget Canadian’s are the #1 thin-skinned people in the world. (see Triump in Quebec).
“Canada” is an Indian name. It basically means “settlement,” sometimes loosely translated as “town.”
Triumph rules!!
The world’s greatest trumpet player, Maynard Ferguson, is Canadian. But he hasn’t lived in Canada since 1949. Tells you all you need to know about our culturally backwards neighbors.
Oh good god not ALL canadians were insulted by the Triumph bit on Conan you know- I thought that it was hilarious. Some of us have a sense of humour. Which is more then I can say for the masterminds beind the current crop of American sitcoms. “8 simple rules for dating my teenage daughter”..”hope and faith or faith and hope” or whatever the hell it is. I think we all have things to be proud of and things that should make us hang our heads in shame. We have our Twains and Dions and well- you have a debut album from disney’s Hilary Duff/Lindsay Lohan and “The Great American Celebrity Spelling Bee” on FOX. Any country is capable of producing crap- on the upside there would be nothing to make fun of if we didn’t. For any Americans that get CBC watch the satirical show “Monday Report” and you’ll see that we pretty much mock ourselves all the time.
it’s fun to make fun of canadians. they’re so much like us (U.S., get it? hah!) that it’s easy to do.
i can say that i thoroughly enjoy toronto every time i go up there except for the “free mumia” crowd and too many newspapers showing picture of some guy named Cretin…Chretian? Excretion? hell, I don’t know.
To quote the overly-exitable Robin Williams,
“Isn’t Canada kind of like a loft apartment over a really great party.
To quote the overly-exitable Robin Williams,
“Isn’t Canada kind of like a loft apartment over a really great party.
To quote the overly-exitable Robin Williams,
“Isn’t Canada kind of like a loft apartment over a really great party.
To quote the overly-exitable Robin Williams,
“Isn’t Canada kind of like a loft apartment over a really great party.
About the bllshit that wrote this bllshit.
1) Canada was originally populated by peoples loyal to Britain and dumb people who just got lost.
So was your stupid america and freaking Columbus got lost too!! that idiot was going the OPPOSITE way!…says something bout u doesnt it.
2)Was originally called Cana, but, since everyone there said, “I live in Cana, duuuuh,” the name Canada eventually stuck.
sigh another stupid ‘fact’. Canada was Canata which meant village in indian language.
3)If a Canadian ever tries to express an opinion about America, hit him on the head with a rolled up newspaper while shouting, “No!” You have to catch them in the act or they’ll never learn.
…..maybe…maybe…..but americans need to be just shot in the acts…once they go bad, they never go back.
4) If ever attacked by a Canadian… well… beat the crap out of him. What? You can’t take a Canadian? What kind of pansy are you?
…..did u even freakin KNOW that Canada kicked america’s ass in war???? did u ever KNOW that the white house thats in DC right now wasnt originaly there??? did u KNOW that canadians BURNED your fking 1st ‘original’ white house and u stupid americans had to MOVE IT.
5) Canada doesn’t have all the beliefs in liberty and freedom of speech that we have. So, if you have to go to Canada, make sure to bring a gun to help them recognize.
……..uh huh…u really dont know your history do u?…..r u like 7? and did your parents fck you in your EH-hole and said they will never do t again if u start to hate Canada because your parents got f*cked in the ass when Canada kicked amerca’s ass?
…..andto tell u the truth i wont be surprised if u dont know where NYC is located or u wont know what CN tower is…..and where……
ill give u a hint….its a big talll one…beeing second tallest tower in the world (1st tallest is Russian Ostankina tower. it might now be considered the tallest because the antena want counted)….and i bet u didnt know that either did u….
and if i did make spelling mistakes, i’m sorry but i dont feel like going back to check.
and if u will pick on my spelling and/or the fact that i didnt go back to check and call em lazy….well, ill just saved u the trouble and i will assume u have nothign else to pick on….have a nice freakin day
Frank J…..u r an idiot….u really really are….but…u know…i will understand….cause u live with your parents..
Hey, lay off Canadians, most of hollywood is made of them (Jim Carrey, Mike Myers, Pamela Anderson, most of the cast of 24 (Elisha Cuthbert, Keither Sutherland,…) to name a few. There is no more than a border that divides Canadians and Americans, there are jerks on both side of the border, lets live with that!
My God man! Never have i seen more intelligent commentary. Keep it coming eh!
Congratulations to my American brothers and sisters who have finally started to look beyond their own borders …. that you found Canada was a miracle … next you’ll need to find out what she really is about. keep searching. don’t wait for it to appear on CNN, go find 5 other countries that start with ‘C’ … there really is a whole world out there ….
The British burned down the White House, the Canadians were along as their lackies. And the only reason why the British burned Washington DC was in retaliation for the US burning York (Toronto.) If you guys wanted to take credit for everything the British did in the War of 1812, then you guys got your butts kicked at the Battle of New Orleans.
Canadians have the worst inferiority complex this side of Red Sox Nation.
losers
Yes, imagine that…we Canadians invented the snowmobile and snowblower. Crazy thought, inventing something that makes it easier to deal with the common elements of your country. Now, if you guys can just invent something to make ignorance and intolerance less of a national problem, you’ll have the same accomplishment.
And if you want to talk about absurd accents, ask any Canadian who’s visited anywhere at all in the southern United States. It’s not like you guys invented the language, it is called ‘english’, after all…or was the Brit in the States at the time on that one, too?
canadians dont say ABOOT. where the f*** do you guys come up with this shit. just shows how stupid americans are. and for the history part –
“Canada in WWII had the 4th largest army, 3rd largest navy, and 5th largest air force. We liberated Holland, and kicked ass in all areas of Europe, and Africa.Canada sent 11% of its population to war (Pop.19 000 000/ sent to war.2 000 000.) while US of A only contributed 0.05% of its population to war. And you guys came 3 years late yet you have no problem showing up early in Vietnam and getting your ass kicked. America rocks. I love America. I enjoy going to America. Americans suck. They make up shit about Canada and tell the whole world we suck and all this. Than again what do you expect from a 97% education while ours is nearly 100%(99.4%). You guys no nothing about us so shut up. I wish this shit would stop but I know it won’t.
yes, as to your assertations that Canada has no real military I offer this proof. Canadian engineers working for McDonnell Douglas, Fairchild Republic, Lockheed Martin, Boeing and General Dynamics were responsible for the design of most of the combat fighter aircraft developed in the United States throughout the period 1950-1970, this includes the F-4 Phantom, F-101 Voodoo, the Convair ‘Delta’ series and a variety of other experimental aircraft. Furthermore, Canadian warships are currently protecting American warships in the Gulf and Arabian Sea, as your military is ill-prepared for any long-term engagement in general peacekeeping activities. In addition, seeing as your genrals can’t keep focused on one particular nation at a time, Canadians are now doing most of the peacekeeping duties in Afghanistan. To put it mildly, what we have in our military stockpiles is secret, you don’t know what we have and we keep it that way. Our military is small, but modern and more effective than yours. If you truly think you could whip our ass, fine, tell your generals to take their best shot. After your military (filled with ignorant, toothless hicks from the Ozarks firing their poorly made American weapons) figures out how to get to Canada, our soldiers, all of whom are trained on average in 8 different forms of unarmed combat, not to mention know how to use on average 6 different kinds of weapons, will give your country the biggest black eye since Viet Nam, whick by the way, you lost! One last thing, on the subject of no nukes; if I were you, I wouldn’t bet on it, you may be surprised…
yes, as to your assertations that Canada has no real military I offer this proof. Canadian engineers working for McDonnell Douglas, Fairchild Republic, Lockheed Martin, Boeing and General Dynamics were responsible for the design of most of the combat fighter aircraft developed in the United States throughout the period 1950-1970, this includes the F-4 Phantom, F-101 Voodoo, the Convair ‘Delta’ series and a variety of other experimental aircraft. Furthermore, Canadian warships are currently protecting American warships in the Gulf and Arabian Sea, as your military is ill-prepared for any long-term engagement in general peacekeeping activities. In addition, seeing as your genrals can’t keep focused on one particular nation at a time, Canadians are now doing most of the peacekeeping duties in Afghanistan. To put it mildly, what we have in our military stockpiles is secret, you don’t know what we have and we keep it that way. Our military is small, but modern and more effective than yours. If you truly think you could whip our ass, fine, tell your generals to take their best shot. After your military (filled with ignorant, toothless hicks from the Ozarks firing their poorly made American weapons) figures out how to get to Canada, our soldiers, all of whom are trained on average in 8 different forms of unarmed combat, not to mention know how to use on average 6 different kinds of weapons, will give your country the biggest black eye since Viet Nam, whick by the way, you lost! One last thing, on the subject of no nukes; if I were you, I wouldn’t bet on it, you may be surprised…
Pam Anderson is another Canadian…She wants to apply for U.S. Citizenship though….Keep her.
Some of you Canadians and Americans are so ignorant, first of all to whoever said that the only place they have seen mikes hard lemonade was in Quebec City! -its probably because you have never left the damn place… second of all to the Americans who believe Canadians want to be French…its one of the official languages we learn it in school (required) also we learn how to speak properly so when you hear the saying “oot and aboot and around the hoose” maybe you should think before you assume that everyone speaks that way because that’s all you have heard. And I don’t think our country has lost credibility. And before saying anything about our military being so bad how come every time there’s trouble we are the first ones called on? And we’ve fought side by side for a long time. Face it we are only different because that’s what you have set in your minds I have lived in both countries and I find that both Americans and Canadians are the exact same…of course Canadians are a little less small minded but thats not all of them because reading this I saw alot of Canadians making theirselves sound like complete itiots! Maybe you should think before you speak
After going through and reading all the comments made from both Canadians and Americans, A single comment made by a 15 year old girl was the most mature and intelligent of the lot. I haven’t seen this much extremist political thinking and gross stereotyping since I came across the last nut house. Your geological location doesn’t affect your capability to think or reason. As far as ability to speak clearly is involved, it’s been my experience that the farther west and the closer you are to the 42 line the clearer people speak, on both sides of the border.
About Canada burning down the white house….yeah, I’ll keep that in mind next time I see a 200 year old Canadian waving a torch around trying to kill me.
Canada’s medical system sucks comparatively. ‘Nuff said.
As far as the US teaching Canada “how to run a country correctly”…that would sorta be like a broke person telling another broke person how to make money.
Saying that a Canadian is the one responsible for Bush’s speech’s is not necessarily a good mark for Canada.
IMO about commies, using communism to solve inequality and all that is like using a Ford truck to smash flies. Gets the job done, but after a few smacks the house starts to become unstable. Neocommunism (what China uses if I remember correctly) is like using a Ford truck to smash flies but being careful about how hard you hit. A little bit of corruption and it’s back to the same problems as traditional communism.
Canada has done a lot in this world, and americans with their crappy 97% education don’t know anything about it. and we are 10 times smarter than you queers, for if you were smart you would actually back up your information CORRECTLY instead of loosly making up shit you f***ing hicks. now I actually like america, and I like americans(well most). and i travel to the USA a lot and most people are nice, but its stupid f***s like you that piss me off. learn about canada and than come back. learn that we sent nearly 2 million people to war in WWII. learn that we only had a 12 million population at that time meaning we were the country that sent the most percentage of its own country to way– and yes we were successful. we did a mother f***ing job that no nazi will ever forget. the stupid american who came up with D-Day, just happened to give Canada the hardest beach(im not just saying that because I’m canadian). and most of all he did it purposely. juno beach had the best machine gun brigade out of all machine gun brigades in that division. and yet we still kicked mother f***ing nazi ass. we were the first country to actually complete our mission. the americans were holding everyone up, while canadians liberated cities in france and marched proudly to the Netherlands, soon afterwards liberating all of Holland. And we did that alone. USA though had help from Canada, and Britain to liberate France, yet stupid as you are, like to take credit for it. And to clear things up to all those even more stupider hicks out there, you f***ing lost vietnam. im tiried of hearing dumbass hicks say “We won vietnam! Ya I enjoyed kicking those vietnamise people’s assess!” well sorry to burst your bubble. but you lost. you ran away. and after all those years of fighting and drafting men into vietnam, you pack them up and run away. so at least this was added to your poor education. and another thing, you rednecks don’t know how to spell. You spell color with no “u”. every country in this world that learns to speak english(primary or secondary language) learns to spell color like coloUr. COLOUR. can you read that? what on earth even made you think that you can take off the “u” in colour and think you’re all that. i believe 55 countries have english as an official primary country and they all spell it colour. face it. you guys are loners. no one likes you besides canada. so for once, i think you should give the friendly neighboUrs of the north an actual humane gester. its the americans that start this fight and canadians that end it. and we are not all french. i hate the f***ing french too. they always complain. just leave canada damnit.
Just wanted to say POWER TO SIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You’ve said everything I was going to, I agree with you 100%. No need for me to repeat it all.
The best thing Canada did was to burn down the WhiteHouse, and heck, we should do it again.
Ahem WHY DOST THOU POST ON OLD MATTERS?????????????????????????????
Anyway, I see no one has adressed the fact that YOU ARE NOT YOUR OWN COUNTRY!
You still belong to the british! You are their monkeys, and you are so wimpy, that without us, you would DIE.
Let us make a theoretical situation.
Somehow, the middle of north america is anihilated/made unfit to live in, within a week. No one knows whom did this. Without leadership, iraq, and afganistan are both plunged into chaos, easily. Without the threat of america, and only the U.N. whom, combined might have stopped them, decided to haul tail, and make like the french. The muslim terrorists, without a major network to stop them, grow within a decade to what they were. They revolt from within france, and control it. Thus they control a U.N. Veto. They then bomb (in event of COSMIC irony) Germany into submission, and etc, until britain is the only one left. Now, canada(da), how would you fill these shoes with your military (which I want to see links to, to prove the numbers)
My theorum is that britain shall fall, because you cannot fill that void. May I remind you that WE took down the soviets, WE took down japan, both solo, and we REBUILT ALL EUROPE?
why is this site even here
Ridiculous – all of it – spreading hate, in a world already too full of it.
terrible.
Why not a site where we say what we like about eachother?!
Picture yourself as a Non-American, read the entire text on this site and ask yourselves, “Why are Americans disliked abroad?” Canada didn’t go into Iraq because Bush could not offer concrete proof of WMD. In the meantime, we have been in Afganistan, Haiti and Kosovo. I think many Americans question Iraq involvement now. Hindsight is 20/20 but here is food for thought. You have just eclipsed 1000 dead in Iraq. In the last year, 3000 people have been murdered in Washington DC. Canada has it’s faults but let’s face it. If we were to really help our US ally, perhaps we should send peace keepers to Washington.
As a Canadian Soldier who has been to Bosnia, Kosovo and Afghanistan on
dude, what the f*** is wrong with you? canadians ARE superior to us…their government at least and they dont all speak french…dumbass! i would totally slap you if i was in your presence right now. canadians are the same as americans…expect more peacful. so why do you hate them?
Hey, ya don’t hafta tell me about the g***amned metric system; in ’74 I got three tickets for going 100mph before I realised WTF was going on!
Thanks.
If Canadians are so smart, why can’t they recognize satire when they see it? What do you need, a blinking neon sign?
We didn’t go to WWI and WWII “late”; we minded our own business. BTW, it was the Democrats’ and liberal media’s fault we left Vietnam. We were winning, just at a ridiculously high cost. Also, please delete those porn links, especially the hidden ones!!! And I DO spell colour with a “U”; I’m different.
We didn’t go to WWI and WWII “late”; we minded our own business. BTW, it was the Democrats’ and liberal media’s fault we left Vietnam. We were winning, just at a ridiculously high cost. Also, please delete those porn links, especially the hidden ones!!! And I DO spell colour with a “U”; I’m different.
heh…ooo Canada’s Great Contribution to the World: Basketball. Yeehaw
Can we trade the Toronto Raptors and have the Colorado Avalanche back? But then again that would leave Denver with two crappy basketball teams.