Here’s a description I got of the Air Force from Wacky Hermit of Organic Baby Farm:
A few facts you should be aware of, should you decide to write an Air Force character into the In My World series:
The Air Force, known derisively as the Chair Force, is the branch of service best known for harboring smart people who really don’t want to get involved in combat. The minimum ASVAB score for enlisting in the Air Force is the highest of all the services. Except for the small percentage that are fighter pilots, Airmen don’t generally go directly into combat situations; instead they provide technical support such as radio communications, repair services, and logistical support. It is also relatively difficult to make rank in the Air Force, compared to other services, but it is easy to get medals. My husband spent eight years in the Air Force and had more medals than stripes. Many Airmen from one unit my hubby was in had a lot of free time when not being deployed, and many got hooked on porn. Thus your stereotypical enlisted Airman is not just a smartass, he’s a low-ranking smartass who’s just smart enough to resent the bureaucracy that’s keeping him down. Of stereotypical servicemen from all the branches, the Airman is the most likely to complain about the food and the boots and the mind-boggling stupidity of his fellow stereotypical servicemen. As for the small percentage who are fighter pilots, they have a reputation for being cocky beyond all reason, and thinking they are God’s gift to the world. Plus they are all officers, which means they go to college.
Because the Air Force originated as a branch of the Army (the Army Air Corps) and only became a separate branch after WWII, their strongest rivalry is with the Army. There is an old Air Force joke that goes as follows: an Army guy and an Air Force guy walk into a bathroom and use the urinals. After finishing, the Army guy goes to the sink to wash, while the Air Force guy starts to walk out the door. The Army guy indignantly calls after the Air Force guy, “You know, in the Army they teach us to wash our hands after we use the bathroom!” The Air Force guy says disdainfully, “In the Air Force, they teach us not to pee on our hands!”
True story from the Air Force: my husband spent some time in a unit that worked directly with Army guys. He reports that the Army guys had training manuals that were comic books. One illustration he described showed a bikini-clad woman pointing to a tank and saying, “This is a tank!”
Sounds like the Army need to respond to this one.
By the way, my grandfather on my mother’s side served in the Army Air Corps during World War II in a B-17 bomber and then later served in the Air Force when it came about (he was career military).
We civilians would certainly love more descriptions of branches of the military form the horse’s mouth, so keep e-mailing them to me. I’ll print the best ones.
First!
Frank J…. you rule.
When I was in the Marines, we referred to the Air Force as “Civillians in Uniform”.
“hooked on porn”???? Gee those Air Force guys are so different than the rest of us.
When I was younger I wanted to join the Air Force (RCAF) but had severe asthma.
In retrospect I just skipped a step and went straight to the “hooked on porn” phase.
I can say from an AF point of view, the Army makes fun of the Air Force much more than the other way around. I’ve seen this when I have visited a few Army bases. I think this is because they’re just jealous. I lost count of how many times I’ve heard the phrase “I should have joined the Air Force.”
Although, when something is impossible to screw up, we say it is “Army Proof.”
You got it perfectly! When I was served (USAF 80-84), they were giving out so many stripes for Air Force enlistees who had some college that it took a full 2 years to go from E-3 to E-4. So we were the smart and smartass branch.
(And we all got told that pee story in basic.)
True story:
When I was in the then USAF Security Police, we had to go to Fort Polk, as our firing range was being rebuilt at Barksdale AFB. (Yes, it was a long bus ride) The Army doesn’t like for you to stand and shoot, except in a foxhole, so they have foxholes on their ranges. When I was shooting for qualification, some Army E-7 was watching me the whole time. Kind of unnerved me a little, so I didn’t shoot expert that time.
After we cleared the range, the E-7 came up to me. I was trying to figure what I did wrong. Then asked me if I always shot that way. I told him I usually shot better. He told me he was the NCOIC of the range and wanted to know if I could join his rifle team! I could believe it!
That would be “Then he asked me . . .”
OT, the Whittler has a new chapter up.
I’ve heard that pee joke in about a dozen configurations. My favorite is the one where the Aggie pisses himself because he can’t find his dick with both hands.
One more thing to mention about the US Air Force. We happen to be the best Air Force that has ever been unleashed on this planet, even better than the Marines and the Navy. We can launch an attack with the B-2 from the heart of Middle America (Missouri) anywhere in the world in a single round trip in around 30 hours. Take off, drop lots of nasty bombs, turn around and fly home. Who does the Army call on for help when the fight gets a little hairy? The A-10 Warthawg. Who has their thumb on the trigger of every single land and air based nuclear warhead in the US nuclear arsenal? The Air Force. The Navy takes care of that one leg of the nuclear triad, the sea part.
The United States Air Force: playing golf, watching cable TV, making the rest of the military jealous and kicking some serious bad guy ass since 1947.
Okay maybe that was a couple things 😉
My dad still has an M-16 service/maintenance comic book/maual. Damn thing even looks good.
I was in the Navy (an officer so please don’t gang up on me, it paid for college)’80-’86. We do not have any pilots in the Navy, only aviators. They’re a step up from pilots, able navigate to the target and back to a base that is constanly moving its location then land on a pitching and rolling postage stamp size deck in the pitch black! Plus the Marine versions of aviators are grunts who return from close air support missions with tree limbs stuck in their fuselage!
We Marines do have some respect for the Air Force. We don’t call on them, though… we have our own close air support- those guys with the tree limbs stuck in their fuselages. Anyway, the Air Force “Special Ops” types are called “PJ’s”, or Para Jumpers. They are all trained paramedics, and they jump from planes to rescue American servicemen in any and all climes. They are tough and their training is equal to almost anything the other services have. Good guys.
(Marines are still the best, though)
The Navy controls 54% of the nuclear arsenal on its Ohio class submarines.
The B2 bomber is very cool, but it takes for frickin’ ever to get ready to launch. The Navy’s aviators are able to respond pretty fast to a threat, but the problem is the Navy never really invested in stealth technology (unlike the Air Force), so its harder for them to avoid being seen.
Until you’ve been a Marine, you can’t understand Marines. However, go to this url and read the statements and you might have a basis for discussion.
http://home.swbell.net/dg12/a/famoussayings.htm
Let me just say this – being in the U.S. military is an honor and a privilege. But know this, Heroes Get Remembered, Legends Live Forever. That’s why we have a U.S. Marine Corps.
“We sleep safe only because rough men stand ready in the night to visit violence on those who would harm us.”
—George Orwell
…and those rough men are Uncle Sam’s Misguided Children (USMC).
USARMY
Uncle Sam Ain’t Released Me Yet
YMRASU
Yes My Retarded Ass Signed Up
Pete, it would be nice if the AF decided to spend some of their precious “Future Sweet Ass All-Purpose Fighter” budget to maintain or replace the A-10. They’re down to what… 100 of the best ground-support aircraft in the world, and only maintain what they have because the Army won’t let them kill it off.
Oh, and I’d be remiss if I failed to remind everyone of the resounding success of using the AF as the primary force in a conflict: Kosovo.
Amen to that SSG B. The A-10 almost got called until Desert Storm when the realized how great an asset it was.
Yes Marines are tough and aviators are all like Maverick. But in all seriousness no service is better than the other. Even Marines. Each service depends on the other to kick the shit out of those that would do our Nation harm. Marines need a lift, Army needs CAS, the Navy and the Air Force need boots on the ground.
A group of Marines were scheduled to do some cross service training with some Army Paratroopers. As the group gathered in the meeting room, the Paratroopers noticed the Marines sweating and looking a little nervous. One of them approached a thick necked Marine and asked “Whats the matter, never jumped out of a plane before?” The obviously nervous Marine answered affimative and that he was doing what he was ordered to do. “Don’t worry” replied the soilder “Once that parachute opens up, you float to the ground nice and easy” The Marine gave a wide smile and said “You mean we get to use a parachute!”
Aaaaand it looks like I’m the only rep for Army around here. Lucky me (disclaimer–I’m in ROTC. That means I’m not in the real Army yet. It also means I’m going to go in as a Second Lieutenant, which means you’re reading the comments of a future idiot).
First off, I would just like to say that we’re older than all y’all. Talk nice to your big bro.
Personally I have nothing but respect for the other branches. Well, pretty much. Locally at least, when I see Air Force guys PT, it is sad. They aren’t doing pushups; they’re shrugging their shoulders. Other than that, though, they’re cool.
The Navy… well, what can you have but respect for guys who have to live with the Marines all the dang time? But large portions of the rest of my family are Navy, so that’s a strike against the branch
Marines are, of course, in-frigging-sane. ‘Nuff said.
And finally, a fun anecdote… I was back in my home town and looked up an old friend, only to find that he had gone and become a Marine reservist (I didn’t even know they HAD marine reserves, heh). So of course we were chatting away, and eventually things came down to him making some snide remarks:
“At Boot Camp, I found out what ‘Army’ stands for,” he said.
“Oh, really? What’s that?” I asked.
“Aren’t Ready for the Marines Yet,” he replied with a laugh.
“Say, that’s pretty good,” I commented with surprise. “Did the Navy help you guys think of that one?”
Oh yeah, and another thing… The “woman and tank” thing mentioned at the end of the Organic Baby Farm post? That was probably PS— the armed forces–well, the Army uses it anyway– preventive maintenance periodical. It’s intended to be an engaging way to alert soldiers to maintenance problems– things that don’t get mentioned in the field manuals, but are too important to just leave out until a new manual appears. Plus it has various tips and tricks to make maintenance easier.
Frankly, I think that calling the Army on having an inventive approach to information distribution is a little more concerned with making the Army seem stupid. End result, Wacky Hermit comes off as about as humorless as John Frigging Kerry.
One I always heard: “Gen. Ivan said to Gen. Yuri in a Paris cafe, ‘so who do you think won the air war?'” As badass as air to mud weapons might be, wars are always won on the ground.
U.S.M.C.= US Suckers Miss Christmass
A.R.M.Y = Ain’t Really Marine’s Yet
But…As my brother said, our grandfather served a combined 40 years (24 active, 16 civil service) in the Air Force. I don’t kid as much as my Marine brethern in my unit. Our father was also in the infantry in the army in Vietnam. And my brother in law is a Navy See-Bee, which isn’t so bad. They have a Marine Gunny attached to every Battalion as the weapons master.
Semper Fi
Joe
Army vet, myself. USAF mess halls were always the best, don’t see why an airman would complain about food. The pee joke is old – in Basic we were told it was a Marine who washed his hands.
My fondest memory of the USAF was once while serving in the 82nd Airborne. Our jumps were typically out of C130’s or C141’s out of Pope AFB (next door to Fort Bragg). Anyway, these pilots usually took us for a spin for an hour or so (for stick time, I guess) and in the hot North Carolina summer, flying nap of the earth, guys usually got sick. They usually handed out puke bags for everyone to use, but the rule was you had to take your puke with you – don’t leave it on the bird. Of course, once one trooper started wretching and puking it wasn’t long before others followed, particularly when the smell hit.
So, on this one trip, Top (nickname for 1st Sgt) starts turning green and blows his shit into his bag. Pretty soon the whole damned stick is blowing and Top looks up with a grin and shouts, “F*** THE AIR FORCE!” Everybody cheered – and the crew even laughed. I never saw those guys get sick, no matter how many pukers…
As usual, we all took our bags with us when we jumped and tried our best to hit another trooper with them on the ride down.
As for USMC – good for you guys, tuff nuts and all. But I’d say an Airborne Ranger is probably the craziest f***er of all the US military.
There’s my brother! Where’s the damn pictures!
Those comic books are indeed PS magazine, and the art’s look and heroine (Connie Rod) was designed by the legendary Will Eisner, creator of The Spirit.
When I was a bright and shiny young butterbar, I was tasked to give a presentation one time, complete with overhead projections and the works. I copied a few of the Connie cartoons and slipped them into the presentation to see if my audience was paying attention.
Guess whose presentation the colonel audited. Guess who was a second lieutenant for an unreasonably long time…
BTW, got family in the Marines. From what they tell me the main difference between the Corps and the Air Force is the Air Force doesn’t steal the Marines’ trucks whenever they need an extra deuce and a half…
Flakbait, I wasn’t trying to be funny when I sent that to Frank. I just do what I do best and leave the funny up to him.
AF vet here. Officer and a pilot. So let the flames begin.
I enjoyed my time in the service. My first assignment was as an instructor pilot. I’d get three new students every six months and have to teach them how to fly fast. In a squadron of 120 or so IPs, you might have 4 enlisted troops. This was quite typical of training and fighter squadrons. My second assignment was in the C130, where I first really began to appreciate and work with enlisted folks. I’d been there two years before one senior enlisted guy pulled me aside and offered this nugget–It doesn’t matter what program or objective the General wants to implement. If the Master Sergeant doesn’t think its a good idea, it’ll never happen. The Army and Marines (and less so with the Navy) officers learn to work with their enlisted much earlier than do the AF guys.
Regarding ‘cocky fighter pilots’. Now that I am just a taxpayer, this is exactly the type I want. Mind you, I’m not for false bravado, or any stupid ‘Maverick’ stereotypes (which BTW, are far from the standard), but rather for the quiet confidence that comes from knowing you’re the baddest Mother Fu**er in the sky. The same goes for Special Ops guys on the ground. I want each of them to have all the training and equipment it takes to know before the SHTF that they’ll win. This is why I pay taxes.
Former Navy, carrier sailor —
The crucial distinction among the services is this:
In the Army, the enlisted people are out front, and the officers yell, “Go get ’em, men!”
In the Navy, enlisted and officers are together on the ship, and say to one another, “Let’s go get ’em, guys!”
In the Air Force, the enlisted man straps the officer into the plane, slaps his helmet, and says, “Go get ’em, sir!”
Marines are organizationally Army and socially Navy, so Marine officers and enlisted tend to get mixed together, very much the “Let’s go, guys!” notion like the Navy.
Most of the rest of it grows out of those distinctions. The other characterization that works is to ask what the first thing each one wants when they get to a new place: Marines want a firing position, the Army wants a berm, the Navy wants to dredge the harbor, and the Air Force wants a golf course.
Ask a Marine why they run so much. As a non-Marine I’m not allowed to tell you 🙂
Bar fights: The one on the floor groaning is Army. The one with a chokehold on another guy is a Marine. The one with a table leg for a weapon is Navy. The one picking up the abandoned drinks is Air Force.
Regards,
Ric
As we all seem to agree, the Armed Forces of the Good ol’ US of A have the most skilled, highly trained and motivated members in the world – arguably the greatest fighting force that has ever tread, flown or sailed. That being said….
I just want to set the record straight on one issue – that the ASVAB and EST scores required by the Air Force for acceptance is higher than the other Armed Forces – this is (or was) untrue. While serving a 30 day TDY in a recruiting office (cake duty if there ever was one) I was able to compare notes (this was back in 1985, so it is possible, although unlikely, that is has changed) with the other recruiters. ASVAB and EST scores for the Marines were much higher than the other services – although the Air Force was the second highest. Further, The Marine Corps does not accept anyone without a HS diploma or a GED. This can not (or was not, at the time) be said for other branches of the Armed Forces. Yes, we are “in-friggin’ sane” – but we are smart maniacs. As the gentleman stated earlier, if you aren’t a Marine, you will probably find it very difficult to understand us.
As for the comments about the bus drivers, err, Air Force – they have some of the prettiest bases and some of the nicest enlisted clubs I’ve ever been thrown out of!
Ok wow there’s just so much to say at this point…
As an Army ROTC cadet, I can’t say a whole lot about service from personal experience, but I’ve seen plenty. ASVAB scores are essentially equal across the board now, and Army also requires a diploma before enlistment. Rangers are some of the scariest motherf*ckers I’ve ever seen (aw, I love my sergeant to death- sniper and Ranger, training me well out on the range too) but special forces guys for any branch are pretty hard core. I do have to say though that Army and Marines tend to be the most “highly motivated”- like actually getting up for PT in the mornings (0600 for us, 0630 for Marines) while the cute little girls in the Air Force wait to put on their makeup and those cute little uniforms and then bust out a few of those strange stinkbug things they refer to as “pushups” sometime around 0800. But I will say I’m jealous to an extent of the Air Force- as mentioned by others, they definitely have the best food and nicest quartering by far. And then there’s the navy boys in those adorable white uniforms… wouldn’t want those getting dirty or anything though…
In conclusion, Army and Marines are the best as far as combat-worthiness goes, but as much as they deny it, Marines are just not as smart as the other branchs…
but I love you all, cuz without us the US wouldn’t be the (literaly) kickass country that it is
NAVY – Never Again Volunteer Yourself…
Ah, the Nav….1983 to 1987; we invented Marines because we figured that all that charging ashore against dug-in, fanatical enemies would tend to get the dress-whites messy. If you ask, I’ll tell ya why we have that flap on the front of our pants…
Of course, dear, old Dad was a jarhead; joined the Corps in 1944 at the age of 17. He’s ok, but he does needle a bit; his favorite little maxim is “96 gobs went after one sick Marine; 96 gobs said it was the toughest fight they’ve ever seen”.
Berkeley Girl,
I feel for ya – after you get done with ROTC and get your commission, you’re going to be the most miserable species of non-humanity; the butter-bar. Someone with six months in the military who has to convince guys (and gals, these days) who have years of service behind them that you know whats best…Our Navy mot was that we had more time going backwards on a shitter than an ensign had going forwards on a ship…I presume the Army has something similar ready for you.
Pay close, close attention to the senior enlisted; do what they tell you, and you’ll be ok.
Ric Locke – I call bullshit on your Army officer description. For example, in the Airborne, the officers were the first out of the bird on a jump. “Follow me!”
This one’s for Ted
I always look forward to and enjoy reading Ted’s Air Force Blue posts. Ted, I think you’ll enjoy this post at Frank’s. Make sure you read the comments……
I am 3rd generation ARMY, and would’nt have it any other way. I’m CAV now, but used to be INFANTRY.
Q. why is the sky blue??
A. Because God loves the INFANTRY. FOLLOW ME!
Plus, who else gets to pray to the Great Ranger in the Sky??
OUT.
It was a dark and stormy night…
The Army guy, standing out in the rain in his Pancho, complains “This Sucks”
The Marine, sitting in the flooded and muddy foxhole, mentions “I wish this could suck more!”
The SOF guy (no service insignia visible), rising just barely out of the muck of the swamp, and noticing how it further obscures him, think to himself “I love how much this sucks”
The AF guy, sitting in the Holiday Inn, tosses the remote because the TV is out due to weather and says “No cable TV? This Sucks!”
And yeah, the most frequent comment I hear from other branches (except the Marines)…wish I could have joined the Air Force…
What’s the difference between a PFC and a 2nd LT?
The PFC has been promoted.
After hearing that Air Farce bathroom joke, I don’t think I want to shake hands with any zoomers.
Semper Fi!
Oh comeon, Rangers are just jump-qualified regular Army Infantry! You have to go with some real guys like SEALs or Marines!
me…”just jump qualified regular army infantry”?? i think not. thats the 82nd. They train sooooooo much more on small unit tactics, fast roping, air-field assaults, raids, and yes, black-bag shi*. And be careful about saying that aloud, The Great Ranger in the Sky may strike you down, using one of his “tabbed” angels of death. And you would never hear him coming.
Hooah!!
Cavtrooper !OUT!
WTF? Rangers just jump qual Infantry? Rangers are special ops, deep penetration, crazy shit like that. Jy-reens are tuff OK, but the runofthemill jarhead is nothing that special. Shucks, Rangers don’t have girls in their outfits (I’ve seen femarines) and nobody made a stupid friggin liberal fembotnazi movie about a chick trying to go through Ranger School like that crap Demi Moore pulled on the Seals.
Long time Army here – not a cadet. Cadets need to be quiet till they go to the field once. One senior officer at Ft. Riley once declared that the infantry enlisted needed to salute cadets. Nobody did, they made efforts to walk outside the six pace rule.
Anyway, nobody mentioned about the Airforce that at the Defense Language Institude, the Airforce gals are issued to the Army and Marine males. They all get divorced at Goodfellow AFB when they sober up, but thats another story. The funniest thing about the Airforce is that you can be a gothic vampire female in uniform and nobody says boo.
My brother hated being a Nuke jock on subs, and I always teased him and my uncle (F14 pilot) about being fags just to see the small vessels in their eyes explode. They are actually a good lot, but I couldn’t do that kind of life.
The Marines – I never met a marine I didn’t like. I’m starting to think their officers are smarter than ours – they adopted a permanent press uniform and no-polish boots – something the army will resist to the end – and they implemented hand to hand combat with their PT… Most Army units think that isn’t PC. Sheesh.
The Army is too big to lump into one batch – you could have just as much fun comparing branches – SF, Rangers, infantry, MI, etc.
Regards, all
jg
Wraith…concur, cadets need to Shut the F up.
Salute a cadet? Are you fu*king kidding me? After 4 years on active duty (E5, PLDC trained at Ft. Bragg where you have to make a Huey blast to graduate PLDC), I went back to college, jernd ROTC, got a cadet slot in a NG Engineer unit as a Plt Ldr and until I got my 01, I NEVER expected nor received a f&cking salute.
Cadets. It’s what’s for breakfast.
Just for the record, in case somebody missed it, I am a very patriotic person and I do support our troops, all branches, but particularly the Air Force, which my husband was in. If you don’t believe me, read my blog. I never said the AF couldn’t get the job done. I just said they were more likely to complain about the food while doing it.
I was just providing Frank with the info he needs to write some bang-up funny. I’d love to see an IMW character like the stereotypical Airman I described, so that’s how I described him.
And the Air Force is aware of its reputation, and insults itself all the time. My hubby’s combat comm unit in Korea had a motto, “First In, Last Out” but the guys all said “Forced In, Laughed Out”. Nevertheless, any one of them would gladly have died for his country. It’s not a bad thing to laugh at yourself.
Wacky Hermit….no one is doubting the Patriotism of the AF, we just like to make fun of each other. It’s all about your own service until the bullets fly in anger, then we are all just AMERICANS.
Cavtrooper !OUT!
Here’s one for the Cav guy.
Q. What’s the difference between a Hoover vacuum and an M1 Abrams?
A. The Hoover has only one dirtbag in it.
So the Air Force probably does have some of the most pampered of the armed forces, but please don’t generalize. Most of the Operational Airmen are tough as hell. Look at the PJs…they undergo training equivalent to the Navy Seals, probably even tougher. Fighter pilots, Security Forces, Special Ops…just to name a few.
I have a lot of Army friends, and know a few Marines and when I was trying to choose a branch they all said they should have joined the Air Force. Instead of ganging up on each other in this pointless rivalry, let’s go after the Real Bad Guys.
Oh! One more thing for BerkeleyGirl. I’m in Air Force ROTC, and we get up at 0430 to PT. There’s no time for make up. And what in the hell is a ‘stinkbug’ pushup? Where I come from we do diamond, crocodile, reverse…..Just so you know. But it’s PT all the same right?
For the Army and Marine guys. Lets see how long you’d last in a war without the Air Force bombing the hell out of the enemy first and without CAS. I give you grunts credit for what you do, but I must say that have no problem enjoying the best quality-of-life of any of the Armed Service branches while at the same time knowing that I am making a large contribution to the seccess of our military in combat. Also, I’d like to say that I think the Air Force should get more credit for what we do. Granted, a lot of Airmen aren’t on the front lines stopping bullets, but you’d be surprised at how many Airmen are paying the ultimate price for freedom. True, some career fields in the Air Force are pretty laid back, boring, and all but lack any kind of physical activity. However, the majority of Airmen, especially special forces, security froces and aircraft maintenance personel (which is what I do), work long hours, in adverse conditions, with few breaks, and are under constant stress due to knowing you can’t screw-up, have no room for error, must learn, retain, and properly employ an inordinate amount of techniacal information, and usually have to acomplish your assigned tasking within a nearly impossible timeframe. Believe me; I’m not whining-I love my job-and the Air Force, and I’m not saying the Air Force should get all the glory. I’m just saying I think the Air Force deserves more credit for what we do and that, though it may be funny, the “Chair Force” is not a very accurate interpretaion of the Air Force. As for myself and countless others who work the flightline, I know there have been many-a-time where I have worked 12+ hours out on the scorching hot/freezing cold, wet/parched flightling without ever even seeing a chair. And we do it as fast as we can so that we can get the jets in the air to go help out a platoon of grunts pinned down and shot up by entrenched machine gun nests, artillery, armored vehicles, etc… We respect you, I think you should repect us. The rivalry is great,I love it, as long as we respect and appreciate each other. Thanks. Air Power!