Now I got some livejournal Goldberg fans against me. Stupid flying monkeys, but this has made me realize that, to compete against Jonah, I’ll need my own fan club. It’s a great idea. Everyone can go there and talk about how great I am, distribute a newsletter about my genius writing, and groupies can chat about how sexy I am. And, every so often, I can stop by and post something and everyone will be like, “Wow! The Frank J. has talked to us! We are blessed!”
Also, when I have my column ready, I can have my fans do a letter writing campaign to Rich Lowry about how Jonah should be fired and me put in his place. And it needs to happen soon; look how admittedly senile Jonah is getting.
So, one of you reading this, start a fan site for me.
NOW!
Anyway, I’ll post something tomorrow about the 9/11 hearing so I can claim to still be topical. See you then.
UPDATE: There are now two fan clubs. Here is a more straightforward one, and here is one by Amphi that is, well, what you’d expect from her 🙂
If you need pictures of me, don’t forget this one. Now I need a button for linking to fan sites. It should probably use this picture because I think it captures the best side of me.
First comment. Booyah!
Dude, seriously, go to http://www.sortapundit.com. They have telepathic monkeys now. Telepathic monkeys, for crying out flayben!
And so it begins…
Frank,
I’ll only be here in Blair-Land until Saturday morning. If you need a hit on the Limey, let me know.
NOW!
BTW: Brit keyboards stink on ice! They’ve got an Ä on it ferchrissakes!
I’ll cover the north of england, frank. I got my stranglin’ hand pretty strong now.
I thought IMAO was the Frank J. fan site…
only the comment pages
Well, I think I know who the next target of the Alliance should be. Muahahaha…
uhhh, ummmm, ahhhh, nevermind.
go Frank go
Frank J., to make a fan club site about you, we need the pictures of you baby, age 2, age 4, 6, 8, 10, 12, 15, 17, 19, 21, 23 and now. We need also to make a T-shirt with you on it. And schedule a calendar with life discussions with your fan club from Berkley and all California…
I would agree to host a fan club if other people would join to write daily… sarahk, Fat kid… Susie… and your bother Joe… to tell us about the skinny when you were a child.
And your drawings could be the purpose of a special album about how porn and fast food are considered a weapon to peace road.
Any one to become an author ?
And though we could manage a drawing competition about Chomps, Rummy, Laura and Bush … to illustrate the book of IMAO.
I cannot help with the technical stuff as I am technically retarded…wait a minute, that didn’t sound right. Anyway, I can commit to fawning and constant adoration and maybe trying to recruit a few new fans. So where do I sign up?
Jonag, just send me your Author’s name, your email address and your site if you have one to Amphitryon@sandstaff.com. I will post in here the link to the author’s page when the blog is done.
Ha! Frank, you have grown desperate in your desperation. Going around asking for a fan club? Please. Did Jonah ask US to start one for him? No, and I know what you’re thinking: no, he didn’t PAY us either. Our love for Jonah is instinctive, given freely and without compulsion. It comes as naturally as JG’s natural superior columnizing abilities.
Honestly man, asking your fans to start a fan-blog for you is the Internet equivalent of deliberately trying to dress like the cool kids in high school so they’ll hang out with you.
Besides, Jonah’s got the Zionist Conspiracy (TM) on his side. How do you compete with that?
Ummmm, Rednecks Fer Frank?
Eric,
Frank can’t help it if Jonah didn’t have the sense to ask for his own fan club. Duh! Our love for Frank is also “instinctive” “given freely” and “without compulsion”.
Frank,
What do you want us all to wear tomorrow? I like to set my clothes out the night before.
Eric Spratling, I started an album a time ago and it is almost a fan page. Frank is my favorite subject of fun, and I guess that I am not the only one.
The fan blog is up.
http://frankjfanclub.blogspot.com/
eric, i would have started frank’s fan club 2 months ago (when i read him for the first time), but i didn’t want him to think i was an internet stalker or something. now that he’s asked, i (and many other shy non-stalkers, i’m sure) can freely fawn and gush as members of the frank j fan club somewhere other than the comments page.
Girls, everyone, here is Frank’s fan blog.
FRANK J., I SALUTE YOU.
So Frank, what do you think of my fan’s blog?
Amphi,
Well… uh… it’s sort of what I’d expect from you 🙂
Is it bad ?
Did you look at the one I made Frank?
Frank, I have remixed your Akido video with some music. If you have a Kung fu music, I can still change it. And I am waiting for your pictures from baby to now.
And I need a blogroll list other than mine, because it looks little weird.
take that, jonah! frank has 2 fanblogs!
Amphy,
I have a deep and almost irrational fear about reading your fan blog. Can you explain why? No, don’t…let’s just think of it as a gift from God. 😉
Is this going to cost me money? I would rather be a really cheap fan. Will Frank be hosting Pizza parties? Will the world famous Gorilla Ninja’s be allowed in? Are there fan pictures of Frank in a speedo on these sites? How about Condi in a thong?
First of all guys, writing in Frank’s blog would be free. And then Pam, you are not allowed to ask why. I just adore Frank because he is a smart guy. Sometimes. So here’s the point. As Frank needs a fan’s blog, he has to be kind, and nice, and more always adorable, so it’s all winy to me.
Other than that, consider that I am 72 years old and that no one has nothing to fear about me. Except Frank J. of course because with the fan blog, I may ask him to send me more pictures.
Frank, you have really, really pissed me off with those videos that moreover took so long to download, so now it is my turn. I want more. I want your pictures from baby to now to make your fan club’s album.
You may also comment in the comments section or have your author’s access.
“I ran over the taco bell dog”? How could you, Frank????
Hehe…Amphy’s giving orders to Frank. I like it. 😀
Everyone, please, try to not be confusing and abuse of my lack of understanding English. There is only friendship into Frank’s fan blog. Nothing that is crossing the line other than cool friendship.
Pam, you can bet that any orders given to Frank never get any answer. Frank does not like orders which is the reason why a fan’s blog is funny.
Girls, Pam, CCinCali, BerkeleyGirl, I give you a place of devotion to Frank the Great. You should sign up.
Hey Amphi,
Just checked out your Frank page. You are kind of hot for a 72-year old 🙂
Something tells me that I got trapped somewhere. Why don’t you sign up ?
Oh well.
Frank, when will I get your baby picture. If you send me yours, I’ll post mine too. Just said to be fair.
Lou, I am not hot as you said. I am just little fuzzy.
Thanx, Amphi…I think I will… Though my frustration at Franks lack of interest is building! Oh, by the way.. Is the taco bell song going to be a permanant fixture? Or could you play some Elton John to lighten the mood..?
CCinCali, the music goes with the posts and the pictures, so most the time there might not be music at all.
And Elton John is a gay !
Frank, that is the picture I have chosen to link to my fan’s club.
How can you say that, Amphi?? Elton John is a mans man..literally, I guess..
Love the site though.
CCinCali, it was just reflex’s answer. I though Elton John was a gay.
Silly Me
Frank J demanded someone start a fan club site. Odd. I thought this was his fan club site….
CCinCali what are you talking about Frank’s lack of interest in building. A fan’s blog is the fan’s to built not the Greatness of Frank J.
Well Frank, I guess that your fans leave you without any testimony of praise. That’s so sad.
I’m interested in each and everyone of my fans… really!
Amphi..I meant: My frustration is building because of Frank’s lack of interest in me.
Well CCinCali, try viagra.
Frank, here is an other picture.
amphi, the baby picture of frank is great! frank, what an adorable baby you were.
Sarahk, Frank still be a baby to me.
CCinCali, I meant that young men have little head and that it is not smart to turn those head to build anything else than their own good, and I believe that a young man should think of young girls. Old “girls” are good only for friendship, but an old girl who is sane should try to better look for an old man.
So if I quite remember, you are 32. Frank is only 25. Maybe he is still young to feel interest with young girls, but still an old woman is an old woman. It’s only that Frank has plenty of time to build something.
Well, you still can be a fan.
Anyway, that’s true that Frank J. is adorable. That’s too bad for us old girls that the time has gone so quickly !
🙂
Frank, there is a new author…
Frank, I just want you to get Jonah’s job because he’s an ass. Defending the inclusion of “under God” in the pledge? He’s done.
I must make a confession. I have changed my mind. I won’t open the fan’s club to other fans. It’s just that it will mess up my pictures all made as a Jolly Bouquet and the message won’t pass the same.
I am sorry Sarah, but from where I am, the “K” is bad memory to me and I am really allergic to any kind of disturbance that come to be “psychological” to me. I don’t spend all my time writing to mess up with a “K”. It is too important to me and enough difficult as it is.
I adore Frank. Point. And America. Point.
IMAO comes to be my only distraction precisely because Frank is American.
And he supports me which is the reason why I adore him. Point. He is brave !!!!
But “K”, no. I don’t like “K”.
That’s not bad actually, I can now devote all my attention to Frank, alone, without competitors !!!!
Girls I mean. 🙂
Amphi: I’m old, not dead! But thank you for pointing out my oldness… As you know, Frank lives very far away from me…that pretty much means to me that we can flirt, and talk and generally have a good cyber time without me being an old perverted woman..what do you think about that? Can’t I just pretend he’s an old man and he pretend that I’m a young girl?
CCinCali, ask to Frank, not me.
Frank, this one is for you.
But Amphi…you’re the one who told me to go for older men… Oh, nevermind..I’m sure if I search long enough I shall find a website that caters to old lecherous women who like young boys. 🙂
CCinCali, my point does not really bother in here. If Frank likes you, I suppose that he would not ask me any advise to flirt with you. It’s just between you and Frank. I am not concerned in this so better is that you solve this alone, and actually, any other people advise would not be very useful.
Personally, I would just warn Frank that an old woman is never young again, so rather than getting mad with a relation that more over can never go nowhere, better is for him to take time and get better involved about young women.
Even if a woman feels young, she is not young and her experience should not be used to hurt. Old does not only mean teased. Old means also blasé, and when an old woman is looking for a young man, well I am sorry to say this, but this means that she does not really care of the consequences. And that’s too bad, because it can hurt. And it’s too bad getting hurt for a relation that is meant to be of love.
And as I know Frank, I am sure that he would get hurt.
No really, there is better to do about life.
Well, I am personally not only old. I am old fashioned too. I too much focus on the fact that a relation is made of love while you said it CCinCali, a relation can be made of any other thing than love. But here you know, I am ignorant and I am glad of it.
Frank, don’t get bit by the old snakes !!!!
I’m really not asking your advice, Amphi..I was just teasin ya cause you seemed to give me advice a few posts back without me asking.. I’m not looking to spoil young Frank J. I think he’s funny, that’s all.. That better..?
amphi, my “K” is never capitalized, does that make a difference?
but, alas, i do not want to stir up your bad memories.
Man, I’m all confuse-ed now.
me too…
Amphy, do sarah–, CCinCali and I still get “a place of devotion to Frank the Great” on your fansite? cuz that would just be the coolest. (but thanks for even mentioning me in the first place, I feel all warm and fuzzy inside)
Frank, some advice from an “old” lady (don’t anyone else ever try to call me that or I’ll have to open this can…): Marry young!! Young women have the energy and ability for lots of babies. And being the good Catholic that you are, you want lots of babies. I married at 21, my husband was 23. We have had a blast “raising” each other and because we grew up during the same era we enjoy the same songs, etc. There are lots of conservative young fillies out there to choose from so don’t settle for the old grey mare! (Sorry gals!)
Frank, follow your own feelings but be aware that an old woman who is looking for a young man is not honest in some way. She was not stable to find a man the same age, she is probably blasé and she is still looking for a kind of love that won’t even exist with a young man because lastly … well… as said Jonag, young girls have the energy to make a lot of babies.
When you love someone, the normal issue is to build something about life, but an old woman cannot build anything to you.
Maybe you will feel more secured with her, but she might feel less secured with you and soon or later one or both may suffer. Think of you when you will be 40, a big man, and then you’ll see the difference between a young and an old woman. And think of your father, he would kill you. Think of your mother, your sister and your brother. Think of Christmas !!!!
All that only to warn you. An old woman would only hurt you while you only expect to be secured.
You should find someone in Melbourne. You should go out more often and find someone who really loves you. Not an old snake that would only abuse of you. You are kind, you have thousand of qualities. Don’t waste them with a desperate relation. A cyber relation can only be desperate. Love is a lot more constructive.
Well, I guess that CCinCali cries are a proof of Frank sane opinion about this. He is adult enough to not need any kind of committee or advise.
glad i’m not the only one confused. i thought it was the vicodin.
i’m 27, so i guess i’m old, too. oh well.
“Frank, I just want you to get Jonah’s job because he’s an ass. Defending the inclusion of “under God” in the pledge? He’s done.”
-Ice9
You’re kidding right? ~.^
BerkeleyGirl, SarahK, CCinCali, I have managed to create a page for each of Frank’s fan that will be divided into two Armadas, the men and the women.
I have little changed the rules because everyone with an author access is too difficult for me to managed. I want to keep control on what happens on the main page to schedule the publications, but all you have to do is to send me your bio for your fan’s perso pages, and then your posts that I will publish on the main page. Each of your posts will become your own personal forums with your own fans and of course… Frank J.
Frank, I am frustrated, you have not yet commented on my fan’s blog and now SpaceMonkey is laughing at me.
Frank, if you want to receive the comments from your fans, you must tell me which email I must use.
Sorry, Frank, but you don’t really have fans until someone starts posting pornographic photoshop alters of you on paysites. Just ask Alyssa Milano…
Welcome
When I heard Frank J wanted a fan club, I thought to myself “who better to run a fansite than me?” Then I answered myself, “Susie, of course.” So we’ll see how it goes….
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