What’s Black and White and Red All Over?

Damn Commie pandas!
What the hell is a panda? It’s not even a bear; it’s like a frick’n raccoon in disguise. And they eat bamboo; what in the world? So they’re giant raccoon’s that eat trees like some termite. All that, and they help the Commie Chinese in their public relation being that China is the only one who can dole out pandas to zoos.
Damn, giant, Commie-sympathizing, termite raccoons!
Just had to get that off my chest.

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  1. Anyway, it’s not their fault that God allowed the friggin commies to overrun their natural habitat.
    Pandas are an endangered species because female pandas are not much interested in doing the nasty.
    Oh shit!!! Sleeping with a panda when I was young may have set a precedent. I’ve always assumed that my wife was part possum, but she may be part panda.

  2. Could care less about the frikkin overgrown racoons, but what does rankle is the enourmous amounts of money spent to ‘save’ a species that’s too damned stupid to screw. As if that’s our fault. “oh but we cut down their bamboo!” (bzzzzt – thanks for playing) No, the Commies cut down their bamboo, and besides that, eating is NOT the survival skill the dumb things lack.

  3. Cynic,
    Certainly not Red Pandas (http://www.zoo.org/educate/fact_sheets/panda/rpanda.htm), which look like racoons to an astonishing degree. Brown pandas. Ones that have brown fur where normal pandas have black (like white tigers have white fur where normal tigers have orange-brown), without Clairol or any other type of dye. Quite rare. And I don’t think they’re allowed out of the country; they’re kept with guards at all times in captivity. I was just wondering if that made them a type of dissident panda or not.

  4. I love the smell of napalm and burning pandas in the morning. That smell, that gasoline and burnt hair smell; it smells like; victory! Surf or fight son! Hell the whole f***ing counrty is nothing but godamn beach break!
    Kill the commie pandas; incinerate them all! Frank help, I think the meds are wearing off and reality is raising its ugly head. The horror, the horror. Nurse! Quick moer Jack Daniels stat!

  5. –Anyone who doesn’t believe that the pandas are working for the monkeys is just kidding themself.
    –Go to the zoo, people- see for yourself! Instead of eating popcorn and laughing with the kids, actually PAY ATTENTION… you’ll see… you’ll see. They’ll all see soon enough…

  6. This whole discussion reminded me of a very telling joke I heard a while ago. A panda walks into a bar and orders a meal. When he is finished he shoots the piano player and starts to leave. When the bartender asks him, “Hey! Where the heck do you think you’re going!? That was my best piano player!” The panda pulls out a dictionary and hands it to the bartender. When he looks up the definition of a panda, it says “Panda(n): an animal that eats shoots and leaves.”
    Corny I know, but it just goes to show that you can’t trust those commie pandas.

  7. You know… pandas are endangered for some darn good reasons. Their primary food isn’t good for them, adn their stomachs aren’t quite designed to eat them. Many babies are rejected on birth. In case of twins teh mother kills one of the babies. And the male panda’s genitalia is often too small to impregnate a female (remember that whole deal with giving male pandas viagra?). shakes head
    (late night documentary watching finally pays off)

  8. Well, Well…aren’t you the sly one, DD…
    But alas, you are right…!
    I can hear the children complaining about the beautiful pandas! That’s right, Frank J! I think pandas are beautiful! And I won’t take it back!

  9. –Okay, CC… if you were a commie spy master, and you were trying to figure out which animal would best fit your nefarious plans… tell me- would you use something ugly and hateful like an alligator… or would you go with the “adorable” little panda bear??
    –The monkeys also know that we have a weakness for “cuteness”… oh, they know…

  10. Stinking, lumpy, almond~chicken flavored Pandas!
    Overgrown, mutant, non~opposable thumbed, slow moving, non screwing, bamboo munching, Commie rodents!
    Wouldn’t last twenty minutes against urbanly evolved, ravenous New York rats!

  11. Nahhhh, Commie Bastard.
    We’ve got Rhinos and Pachderms to crush those inspid and annoying Pandas into toe jam.
    All you need is some Potozoan Dead-Head to squeeze a rubber Sqeaky Mouse and the gray Mommoths are off to the races!
    The monkeys will require Taser Nets!

  12. I saw a photo once of a panda bear with the black eye spots photo-shopped out, leaving just the white fur surrounding the menacing little beady eyes. Not cute. Pure evil.
    If they are actually raccoons, why haven’t I seen any knocking over my trash cans?

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