“Now we watch former president Bill Clinton making an appearance, still recovering from his surgery. We wish him well in his recovery… Oh! He’s just been attacked by an extremely angry dog. Well, we wish him well in his recovery from that as well.”
Kerry turned off the T.V. “Yet more news to distract from my message!”
“Which is?” Terry McAuliffe sniveled.
“We’re working on it!” Kerry answered angrily. He then pointed to a window. “Look here.” The window overlooked thousands of scientists in a room full of supercomputers busily working away. “These people are taking all my different statements about Iraq and turning them into one coherent vision!”
The computers started exploding.
“Dammit! That’s the fourth time that happened!” Kerry closed the blinds on the window and walked to a nearby door and opened it. “In here are a thousand monkeys at a thousand typewriters who will soon produce the best plan for Iraq ever made.”
“One of the monkeys looks like Dennis Kucinich,” Terry observed.
Kerry shut the door. “He was looking for work.”
“So why isn’t that monkey at a typewriter,” Terry asked as he pointed to a monkey that sat in a dark corner of the room, looking at them with eyes that pierced their very souls.
“That’s my new campaign consultant, Chim-Chim, the world’s evilest monkey. Since our forged document scheme didn’t work, we need a new one.”
“We should have hired a professional to produce the documents instead of just paying some kid five dollars to make them,” Terry stated.
“And I want my money back!” Kerry yelled angrily, “I told him I needed documents to fool the American public, not just Dan Rather! Well, we have a new and better plan, don’t we, Chim-Chim?”
“Eee! Eee!” Chim-Chim answered, the room growing cold with his voice.
Buck the Marine spotted an Iraqi headed his way. “Hello, Mr. Iraqi,” Buck said, “Please move along and live free and happy.” Buck then squinted his eyes. “Or I’ll kill you.”
“But the oil!” the Iraqi pleased, “It’s all gone!”
“What!” Buck exclaimed as he ran to the oil depository. “It’s stolen!” he exclaimed. Buck thought for a moment. “There has to be someone I can kill to solve this.”
“Honey, make sure the living room is in proper order,” Laura Bush told the president. “Some people are coming over to do a special on Barney.”
“Yipe! Yipe!” Barney added.
Bush got up and walked to the living room. It was stacked to the ceiling with barrels marked “Stolen Iraqi Oil.”
“Dear, did you steal some oil from Iraq?” Bush called out.
“No I did not,” Laura said as she entered the room. “Oh my!”
“Yipe! Yipe!” Barney said in surprise.
“I’m here for that story on Barney,” said a reporter as she came in the room, “We’ll start with… Oh my God! It’s true! The war was all about oil! Bush went to war just to get oil for himself!”
The cameraman started filming.
“We need to get the feds involved,” the reporter exclaimed.
“I’m a fed,” said a man who walked on in, “I was strolling near the White House when I heard a commotion. Looks like a clear case of oil thievery. I’m afraid I’m going to have to take you in, Mr. President.”
“Okay,” Bush said, starting to run away, “but just let me get my rocket car… I mean– lawyer, first.”
TO BE CONTINUED…
Intriguing…
first?
yep.
Heh heh heh heh heh ha ha ha ha HA HA HA!
I love the evil monkeys working for Kerry to try to come up with an evil plan to bring down Bush! Thank you Frank! And one more thing … Conclusion to the Grand Canyon adventure, PLEASE!!!
I’m sure the Bushes didn’t steal the oil. I wonder who did. Tell us now, Frank, tell us now.
LibertyBob, it was Terry McAuliffe (or however you spell that).
I was wondering when that evil monkey would make an appearance….
Thanks for the laugh.
Chim-Chim has actually been in a couple IMW’s (the assumption is that he escaped sometime after Ari saw him in the museum).
So let me get this straight. A thousand monkeys; a thousand typewriters. Were any of them able to reproduce the Killian documents?
Ah, I should have known the DNC and the monkeys. Darn evil monkeys – Chomps, Rummy, and Dubya, needs to go in there and have a field day.
I bet those oil barrels are a part of a sinister plot of either the Evil monkey or the Kerry Daughters.
Like Dubya would be stupid enough to hide those in the White House – he is the sinister war-mongering Christian zealot, plotting on taking over the world and turning the world into a Christian theme park.
John Kerry never mentioned Vietnam in this episode. Has he been replaced by an evil monkey-robot?
Yay! Buck is Back! Make a Buck T-Shirt.
Dan Rather did it.
Dennis Kucinich [laughing]I thought he looked more like a rabbit
But really Frank,
Dubya didn’t take any oil it’ll all start to dissapear in 2015.
I can’t wait for the showdown between Chomps and Chim Chim.
You know, that Bill Clinton is going to go right to Chomps’ ass.
That has to go on the random quote thingy!
Oh, and I’m stealing it to use as my signature line.
“There has to be someone I can kill to solve this.”
So true, Terry, so true.
“Please move along and live free and happy.” Buck then squinted his eyes. “Or I’ll kill you.”
Frank? Does Buck happen to be even slightly based on Remo Williams? I always get that movies theme song stuck in my head whenever Buck makes an appearance.