It looks like Iran could be next on the list for getting “democratic reforms,” if you know what I mean. Thus, I had my crack research staff find out all they can about the country.
FUN FACTS ABOUT IRAN
* Iran is part of the Axis of Evil along with North Korea and Diet Pepsi.
* Iraq was once part of the Axis of Evil but is now part of the Axis of Happy Fun Democracies.
* According to the CIA World Factbook, Iran is slightly larger than Alaska. Who the hell do they think they are? Well, a few bombs should take care of that.
* Iran is one of the leaders in state sponsored terrorism, helping Hezbollah, Hamas, and the ACLU.
* We have sanctions against them because of that, but most of the radical Islamists don’t want a Big Mouth Billy Bass anyway.
* The main diet of Iranians is canned corn and grape soda as dictated in the Koran.
* Iran was taken over by an evil Ayatollah and the clerics in 1979 while taking a number of Americans hostages. Carter, the most inept world leader in the history of mankind, handled this ineptly, but the hostages were still released when Reagan took office.
* Iran pretends to have democracy, but is really ruled by Iran’s clerics. The advantage is, if you think you messed up on the butterfly ballot, it doesn’t really matter.
* Many of the youth in Iran desire real democratic reforms. Those crazy punk kids and their desire for democratic reforms.
* When the dictatorship is finally toppled, the clerics will probably exclaim, “We would have gotten away with our theocratic, Islamic rule if it weren’t for you meddling kids!”
* Because of the supreme Islamic rule, if you suspect you are in Iran, whatever you do, don’t piss on a Koran.
* In a fight between Aquaman and Iran, Aquaman would get taken hostage and have to be rescued by the other Super Friends as usual… unless they finally got tired of rescuing his ass.
* Iran, much like Japan, rhymes with Suzanne.
* If you ever find yourself face to face with an Iranian cleric, don’t panic. Instead, get him in a headlock and yank on his beard.
* Much like the hippopotamus, Iranian clerics have a four-chambered heart.
* War with Iran would be an easy follow up to Iraq since they’re right next to each other and all you’d have to do is change one letter in the war plans.
* Iran has a big military with guns and tanks and planes… oh and bullets for the guns, so fighting them might take a day or two.
* Iran is trying to get their hands on nuclear weapons– but don’t worry; we still have like thousands more than them.
* If we have to fight the people from Iran and they retreat – i.e., run – there has to be joke there somewhere.
* No, can’t think of any.
First!
As always, very funny.
Nice very nice
we’ll probably let israel take care of ’em because we spent a lot of money on iraq. that’ll piss off everyone, though, and we’ll have to kick everyone’s ass.
that 4 chambered heart thing is just a rumor.
“and I ran, I ran so far away.
Yes I ran, I ran all night and day.
I couldn’t get away”
A Flock of Sea gulls.
sometime in the 1980’s
As we used to say (to their face)…
“This revolution wasn’t Islamic, it was Iran-ic”
Oh…and the previous poster is correct about the heart rumor. Iranian clerics have no heart. Instead, the space is filled with a black shrivelled tarry mass that would shame the Grinch.
As for the rumor, the clerics started it themselves. They didn’t know enough English for the press release so they cribbed from an old text book to describe their heart. However, instead of Grey’s Anatomy, they used an old copy of “The Flora and Fauna of Africa” by Capt. Spaulding.
Every country name in that area can be drawn off a conversation:
“I threw A-rock and I-ran.”
“Can I join in?”
“No, you Go-wait.”
As for attacking Iran next, all the anti-war crowd would need is to invest in White-Out, so they can just change the “Q” to an “N” on all their funny protest signs and written statements of useless protest.
You have a staff that researches crack? Ain’t that illegal?
War with Iran is obviously all a conspiracy between the hip-hop industry, the Illuminati, and Dick Cheney – come on, you always knew they’re damned closely knit… Bombs Over Baghdad sales are slumping so Tanks Into Tehran needs a publicity boost as it hits the shelves.
Instead of Iran, my map shows a teddy bear.
They recalled this map years ago, but the teddy bear was too cute.
Cool! I still have a t-shirt that says (and I’m quoting here)’Hey Iran’ with Mickey Mouse giving the finger. I knew it would come back into fashion. Yes!
I’m gonna break that bad-boy out!
FrankJ – how come that code thingy had my super-duper secret password? that’s not cool, please stop that will ya? thanks.
France likes Iran. What else do you need to know?
We should make a list of countries France likes, and publish it with Iraq at the top-crossed out. Whoever’s second will scramble to disassociate themselves with France. Then the third in line will freak out when we move them to second. For fun we could put Canada second, then say “oh sorry” and move them to eleventh. (It should be a top ten list.)
Randon M.. haha Very good. Truely an excellent idea as well. Shall we call thelist the Axis of Ignorance? 🙂
btw – I LOVE Condi Rice…. Condi to Iran recently: “There’s a freight train comin your way folks, and it don’t matter what kinda a deal you cook up with all these girly men over here in the EuroBog”
YeeeHaw!
(Loosely translated of course….)
Iran was taken over by an evil Ayatollah and the clerics in 1979 while taking a number of Americans hostages. Carter, the most inept world leader in the history of mankind, handled this ineptly, but the hostages were still released when Reagan took office.
Carter and Ayatollah Khomeini were never seen together. Either they are the same person or Carter invented the Ayatollah as a distraction.
And then the clerics will remove their rubber masks revealing Michael Moore, John Kerry, Teddy (hic!) Kennedy, and Nancy Pelosi.
“And then the clerics will remove their rubber masks revealing Michael Moore, John Kerry, Teddy (hic!) Kennedy, and Nancy Pelosi.”…
Hey, instead of running 5 laps, make the homosexuals in Iran have sex with these people.
“The main diet of Iranians is canned corn and grape soda as dictated in the Koran.”
Festive. So they’d have grren poop with yellow chunks in it.
This is a fun chemistry experiment you can try at home, kids. Go ahead.
So they’d have grren poop with yellow chunks in it.
Yes, as dictated in the Koran. :o)
Just because Iraq is land-locked is an excuse for Aquaman to not be in this post anywhere?
Iran = Bed Pan!
well, you get the idea.
I knew somebody from Iran once, and she pronounced it /EE-ron/. So, naturally, I read:
/EE-ron/ much like /NEH-pon/ rhymes with /SUE-zahn/.
Aquaman versus the Iranian Clerics would not be a fun fight to watch.
Thanks C-Bob! We should give Condi the Axis of Ignorance list, have her casually lay it out on the table when she’s meeting with diplomats and when someone asks about it she can say, “oh, this?” while she tucks it away “that wasn’t meant for your eyes” and then she can laugh a soft creepy evil laugh. If anyone presses her she can say, “I know my rights! Ask Eason Jordan!” Then she can add, “by the way your country is number four. With a bullet.”
Anyone remember that Simpsons episode where Homer was selling an old t-shirt that had a picture of the Ayatollah Khomeini on it along with the slogan “Ayatollah Assaholah?” Great if they had those in real life…Oh yeah, and that “Bomb Iran” spoof of “Barbara Ann” needs to make a comeback!
Anyone remember that Simpsons episode where Homer was selling an old t-shirt that had a picture of the Ayatollah Khomeini on it along with the slogan “Ayatollah Assaholah?” Great if they had those in real life…Oh yeah, and that “Bomb Iran” spoof of “Barbara Ann” needs to make a comeback!
I can see it now, the Americans attack, the Mad Mullahs send their military to attack the Marines and all the Iranian military guys would say,
I came
I saw
Iran.
Bet the Iranian’s are pretty damn scared of the “USS Jimmy Carter” “Attack” Submarine…
Hahahaha! Try defeating Iraq first!!
Unfortunately, the USA is losing more money in Iraq than she can recover from, and people all over the world right now laugh at how pathetic your troops look(in 28 different pieces!).
Nevermind, you keep on convincing yourselves you are right, and in the meanwhile; I will watch the co-alition as they leave you-and you as you get the chop!(pun definately intended) LOL!!!!!