Hello, Aquafans.
I have a bit of a problem and could use your advice. You see, I’ve been subpoenaed by Congress to testify about steroid abuse by superheroes. Now, no one suspects me, of course, but they correctly figured I have knowledge on who is using.
It’s not like this is a surprise. Did any of you really think the Hulk looks like that naturally? Too many superheroes are just fixated on strength, but steroids don’t give you the important things for hero work: character and the ability to breathe underwater and talk to fish.
Still, I don’t want to turn on other superheroes – even if they are misguided freaks. Then again, they’re doing a lot of damage to themselves. Batman of course uses all the time to make up for the fact he doesn’t have any powers at all, and he just keeps getting grumpier and meaner — at least to me. And, while Wolverine can regenerate any wound, he can’t seem to regenerate his shrunken genitalia.
And don’t even get me started on how @#$%-up Superman is.
So, what do you think I should do? Supposedly, if I don’t testify, I could be held in contempt of Congress, but I can’t imagine them actually prosecuting me, Aquaman. Imagine the media firestorm over that one. If I’m in prison, who will protect the seas?
Oh yeah; probably the Coast Guard.
Anyway, I would love your opinions, Aquafans. Please put them in the comments, and I’ll tell you what I decide later.
If I didn’t take the juice, there is no way my package would fit in the costume…
So when the Feds throw your skinny a$$ in the pokey your gonna wish you had juiced up cause your rommey is gonna be named Bubba and he’s gonna want to spend some “quality time” with you AQUABITCH…
You know the Flash always seemed sort of hopped up.
No, the FLASH was on speed. This inquiry is about steroids not speed.
“Oh yeah; probably the Coast Guard.” Loved it!
Ninja War zone since January 28, 2005
How could Aquaman, a DC character, testify against the Hulk? Seems pretty shoddy to me.
-while Wolverine can regenerate any wound, he can’t seem to regenerate his shrunken genitalia.
and how would you know this? How much quality time do you spend with Wolverine?
You dont have to rat out your fellow superheroes. Instead you can get the ACLU to file a suit claiming the government is torturing you for information. Take the ACLU to your underwater abode to celebrate, keep them there until they all drown. That way you get off free, and we land lubbers get rid of the ACLU – killing two whales with one harpoon so to speak.
You rat me out Aquaman and you’ll sleep with the fishes! Oh, wait you already sleep with the fishes. Never mind!
I’d send a porpoise to testify for you. He can act as your lawyer, and everyone knows how great porpoises are at that.
BTW, I do NOT use steroids. They are simply not a good replacement for radioactive insects.
Dear Aquaman,
I have a problem. There’s this guy who rights a column. We’ll call him… Francis.
Anyway, I constantly write him for advice, and he never answers.
Now, Francis has a problem of his own, and has asked me, his most devoted reader, for advice.
I don’t know what to do! As his biggest fan, I’d like to help him, but I am having a hard time getting past the fact that he never answers my pleas, much less the door at 3 a.m. I know that last part was probably all a misunderstanding, but even though guard-pirhanna have tiny mouths, those teeth hurt!
Bleeding in Reading
You rat me out Aquaman and you’ll sleep with the fishes! Oh, wait you already sleep with the fishes. Never mind!
Ah, so apparently Aquaman swings the same way Troy McClure does. That explains a lot!!!
You go to prison in those green britches,and you ain’t gonna care who ya have to rat out to make it stop.After Bubba comments on your “purty” mouth,he’s gonna teach ya the real definition of “fishlipping”.
Better bring an extra jar of jelly.
hey hey hey!
Aquaman, have you considered the Witness Protection Program?
Dath to the infidel. Oops, death.