George and The Spin Factory – Part I
We join Al Franken and his assistant Dithers at Air America headquarters. The assistant holds the current ratings sheet in his hand.
“Mr. Franken, it looks like your ratings have gone up one tenth of a point. At this rate, we should overtake the ratings achieved by some of the stations we replaced — like the All Caribbean Channel..”
“Excellent. But are we beating anyone right now?”
“Sure, in Detroit, we beat out the ratings of the team we replaced — we now have more listeners than–You Too Can Speak Hmong.”
“I’m a bigger success than I ever could have dreamed of.”
“By the way, boss, my last paycheck bounced. Do you think that..’
“A success, Dithers. An amazing success story. I think it’s time we Gave Something Back to the community. Do you know what that means?”
“That it’s time for a PR stunt?”
**
Katie Couric sits in her Dressing Wing surrounded by her royal court of make up people.
“Shut up everyone my show is coming on.”
“Today’s show was tape delayed so we could bring you the Islamic Comedy Hour. We now join the second most requested show — Al Franken.”
“Hi. This is Al Franken with some important news. Karl Rove is the devil. He has the mark of the beast is which why you will never see him wear a strapless!!”
Katie swoons. “He’s great because he says what I want to believe.”
**

Back at Al’s office.
“No, not just any PR stunt, Dithers. We will give a handful of select, well deserving Americans a chance to see just how dedicated our offices really are!”
“Well deserving Americans? Oh — CELEBRITIES!! We’ve done that before. We will charge admission again?”
**
Arianna Huffington stands at the reception area of her home, looking over her receptionist’s shoulder.
“My blog is going great! Look at all those other bloggers linking to me. Let me look at my sitemeter.. oooh, this one post is seems to be getting a lot of traffic — which one is that?”
The assistant moves the mouse. “Here, let me click on it. ‘Arianna is a big, fat stupidhead. I’d rather stick a dagger in my eardrums than listen to her talk for five minutes.’ I don’t think this Gutfeld likes you very much.”
“Well, darling, I guess it’s open to interpretation. Hey, that one seems to be getting a lot of links too, click that one open.”
Okay. Let me read this thing. “This blog is a dreadful waste of time. Why are we not paid to write what we say? In short — this blog sucks”
“Stupid, stupid idiot. Does he not know that I know famous people?”
**
We join Michael Moore in his Eating Cabin. Two crews are working overtime to feed his never ending appetite. Remnants of food – and slow work teams – splatter the cabin walls.
“You’re slow today, Seymour. Food. More. NOW!”
“We move as best we can, sir.”
“Use the big spoon.”
“The snow shovel? Excellent suggestion sir.”
“Feed me, Seymour.”
**
“Yes. Yes. Yes!!”, Al Franken is working himself up into a lather. “This will be great. Everyone will be talking about us. We should announce this where everyone can learn about it.”
“You mean on the air?”
“Are you being a smart ass?”
**
** ** ** ** ** Drudge Report ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **
BREAKING! AL FRANKEN ANNOUNCES THAT 5 FANS CAN VISIT THE AA HEADQUARTERS. NEEDS 2 MORE LISTENERS
BREAKING: GASP! VISITORS TO WHITE HOUSE FORGET TO WEAR A BRA.
Update: China plans to buy the U.S. Military.
**
“Sir. I saw the article on Drudge.”
“This is great. People are talking about us everywhere. Listen to Rush–”
“And people are going to attend this thing? Maybe they’ll have a royal blue carpet. He he. Who knows maybe he does have more than five listeners. I mean they have over 40 affiliates nationwide. Folks, don’t get too worked up over this. Whenever you see an Open Invitation for Well Deserving Americans — Don’t be too surprised if they really mean actors..”
“That man is so full of hate. And so wrong, sir”
“Very wrong, Dithers. I don’t understand how some people can spew so much bile. Okay, let’s email some celebrities.”