Our detention facility at Guantanamo Bay is a disaster. Located in tropical Cuba, it’s nothing but a fun park for terrorists. As Sen. Durbin pointed out a while ago, they even get free rap music and air conditioning. This is not how we should treat our enemies; it gives them hope. A proper detention facility should crush the spirits of the imprisoned, leaving them hollow shells of their former selves. Where can we send them that is so desolate that its very location will cause the prisoners to wail and gnash their teeth? New Jersey? Perhaps, but I have an even better idea: Antarctica.
Orginally, Australia was used by the British as a penal colony, and, as a result, a great vacation spot is overrun with filthy thieves wearing hats adorned with crocodile teeth. If only the British had sailed further south they would have found an even better prison from which there is no escape. Once again, Britain’s folly is our gain. All we need to do now is send some military engineers down there to construct the greatest prison of all: Camp Despair.
The first things terrorists will see when they enter Camp Despair will be a large sign saying, “ALLAH HAS ABANDONED YOU!” Then, they will see a sign pointing straight into the ground labeled, “Mecca.” Each prisoner will be given a new Koran and prayer rug with the warning, “That rug will be your only blanket. Also, I’d take good care of that Koran because it will be the only kindling you get to keep you warm. Muh ha ha ha!” And, know what’s the best part of a prison in Antarctica? It’s too cold for anyone to come and inspect and complain about prisoner treatment! The only ones who might cause trouble are the scientists around there, but any self-respecting Marine should be able to slap them around.
Now, I know what you may be thinking: Won’t the penguins come and cheer up the terrorists? Don’t worry; snipers will be positioned around the camp to shoot any penguins that come near, and Morgan Freeman will narrate their ignominious deaths. In addition, the exterior of the camp will be patrolled by angry polar bears. I know they aren’t native to Antarctica, but they can be shipped there. And while they’re being transferred, people will slap the bears in the face and imply that they’re gay to make them extra angry.
As you can see, there is no downside to creating Camp Despair. So let’s stop coddling our captured terrorists. To Antarctica with them!
Frank J. is a syndicated columnist whose columns appear worldwide on IMAO.us. He is also the author of such books as “If a Bird Can’t Fly, It Deserves to Die” and “Prisoner Beating Etiquette”.
FIRST!
Frank…this would be downright funny if it weren’t so desperately needed. “Camp Dispair” should be placed in some desolate area, with no cover for at least a mile (that way, the guards could spot approching ACLU lawers and shoot them on sight). Humor would be placing “Camp Dispair” on “Monster Island”. That way, any escapee would be charred by Godzilla’s atomic breath, or at least speard by one of the appendages of the giant praying manteses.
Where has this nation’s common sense gone? Let’s get rid of all the liberals first, then we can regain our sanity.
Wouldn’t throwing them in a really deep pit be a lot easier? And cheaper?
This could possibly ruin the ecoterrorist idea of blowing a giant iceburg off of Antartica in their insane efforts to prove global warming…or better yet, put the ecoterrorists in the same cells as the mooselimb terrorists and have contests on which inmate can stink the other into passing out first.
Grat Idea. I think you need to add that it could be a reality show, possibly sponsered by Fox. You could make the terrorists wrestle the polar bears for their food. There could be contests to see how much ice can be melted by burning a Koran (that would have to be their only source of water for motivation). Think of the possibilities for slapstick comedy! Prisoners sticking their tongues to the bars for food. Sliding contests on frozen urine (after all bathroom jokes are very in right now aren’t they). It would be great. Broadcast it too all of the world so that no other terrorist ever has the guts to do anything anymore.
Geez, love how you guys advocate the killing of Americans, albeit liberal Americans. You Repuglicans are all traitors for what you’ve done to our country over the last six years.
And won’t it be great when we can no longer say that we are morally superior, and other governments start throwing our troops and civilians into tortorous gulags with no trial (no legal process at all). Thanks for supporting the troops guys.
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Dear Coward or Troll,
I advocate the killing of anyone, American or not, who would jepordize the Freedom that I enjoy so much! In fact just killing is too good for them, I prefer to “gut them like a fish” as one might say. You see I don’t give a hoot for your whiney liberal lets just let the rest of the world rot as slaves mentality, the rest of the world pretty much suks as you do for thinking there is nothing wrong with it!!! I’d opine more about you but I have to work to pay the way of slackers like you.
How about tar pits? Future generations of archaeologists could find the terrorists (and anonymous cowards/trolls) there and mock them for their stupidity in getting stuck in a tar pit.
Oh, and anonymous coward/troll, please stop directing people to your kiddy porn site – I’m sure Frank can give your IP address to the FBI. But then again, you’re probably just an escaped mental patient who is smelling up the public library from which you are posting.
Repuglican? I prefer rethuglican. More ominous.
And won’t it be great when we can no longer say that we are morally superior,
Hey, you can already honestly say that So I guess it’s great for you right now, mr/ms morally inferior. Yay for you!
Rethuglican? I like it…but here’s one better…CIB’s (Conservitive In Black). Let’s all start a trend of dressing up like MIB’s. This alone would begin to scare the libs out of America!
One better than “Camp Dispair”…a redux of “Vlad the Impailer”. Line the interstates with “Libs on a Stick”! Alright. Enough of this…now I’m getting gratuitously gross.
Dear Troll,
When you say that “…other governments start throwing our troops and civilians into tortorous gulags with no trial (no legal process at all)”, you aren’t possibly talking about the beheadings and torturing of people that happened before Gitmo was opened, are you?
Or the almost 3000 people that were summarily executed, no trial, no warning, no rule of law, on September 11, 2001?
What a tool.
Let’s take it one step further – instead of polar bears, let’s put libs/trolls and enemy combatants together in Antartica. It’ll be the ultimate reality show. We can see whose belief system is the strongest.
My money’s on Abdullah.
Camp 9th circle — give them a breathing apparatus, bury them up to their ankles in the ice, and then burn/heal their feet repeatedly…I like the anarctica idea — as for cost, I guess we could save some money, and just kick them out in the interior mountains, well away from the science bases. That, or toss them into a jungle somewhere in the Congo/Amazon/new guinea — death by pygmy head hunter..
LOL, you are all so funny. Okay, fine, I’m a troll for not sipping your tainted Kool-Aid and agreeing with you. You all hate FREEDOM, or you wouldn’t demand my execution for exercising my right to Freedom of Speech.
And your obviously not that bright, considering that most of america has finally wised up to the corruption and incompetence of the administration.
And by the way, I’m not a liberal. And, oh yes, my good friend’s father was killed in 9/11, but I don’t use it as an excuse for defenstrating all the morals and values that once made America great.
Dems in ’06, Impeachment in ’07. You pigs are on the way out.
LOL, you are all so funny. Okay, fine, I’m a troll for not sipping your tainted Kool-Aid and agreeing with you. You all hate FREEDOM, or you wouldn’t demand my execution for exercising my right to Freedom of Speech.
And your obviously not that bright, considering that most of america has finally wised up to the corruption and incompetence of the administration.
And by the way, I’m not a liberal. And, oh yes, my good friend’s father was killed in 9/11, but I don’t use it as an excuse for defenestrating all the morals and values that once made America great.
Dems in ’06, Impeachment in ’07. You pigs are on the way out.
Nice double-post, anonymous coward. I think I saw some typos in there too. You’re clearly a communist, er, um, I mean terrorist sympathizer.
You’re just weak because you don’t agree with what everyone else on the right is saying. You’re weak for trying to think for yourself. You need to just get your daily talking points from the White House, and obey your fearless leader, the All-Powerful, Unchecked-by-Other-Branches-of-Government. Do that, and you’ll be just fine. . .
Man, it’s going to take them weeks to fumigate the public library you’ve been using.
For not being a liberal, you certainly exhibit their special brand of stupid/insane. Your lie about 9/11 is particularly loathsome, but not unexpected from someone of your ilk.
It’s good to see that your sympathies lie with the poor, misguided terrorists. Was your imaginary 9/11 victim one of the hijackers? Why not vent your rage by blowing yourself up like your heroic “freedom fighters” – preferably alone in the middle of a large field so no humans will be hurt.
//you wouldn’t demand my execution for exercising my right to Freedom of Speech.//
No please, speak away, proclaim your idiocy publically, we love that stuff.
But in claiming YOUR free speech realize that we can claim it right back and say you are a whiny leftard troll with no sense of humor.
As a representative of the animal kingdom, I assure you penguins hate terrorists just as much as polar bears. In fact, they would lull the terrorists into a false sense of security and then peck their eyes out.
As for our anonymous friend, I think we can pretty much execute him for whatever we want. We’re the big bad Republicans, dammit. We kill who we want!
I say we drop them off in the middle of Detroit or Chicago, dressed like klan members, and see who survives.