PREVIOUS
“Do you need help, Charlene?”
The enemy soldier Charlene was wrestling with definitely had a size advantage on the small Charlene. She didn’t look scared, though. “This is my kill!” she yelled back at Doug.
“Well, once you’re done, we have spare sandwiches.”
Charlene elbowed the soldier in the head and wrested the knife free. “Don’t distract me!” Doug turned his eyes and covered his ears as the fight came to an end. He looked back to see Charlene standing over the dead body as she cleaned off the knife. “What are you two doing back here?”
“Special Ops.” Bryce eyed the dead body with a look of disgust. “Could you move that? We’re eating.”
Charlene appeared ready to use her knife again. “How can you hide back here? Don’t you know we’re getting slaughtered out there?”
Bryce wiped his mouth with a napkin. “If you parse what you just said, you’ll notice the second part is a good answer to the first part.”
Another soldier jumped into the ditch. It was who Doug recognized her as Charlene’s friend Lulu. “There you are!” Lulu said to Charlene. “I was looking for you! Everyone is getting killed so I wanted to stay near you since you seem to know what you’re doing.” She straightened her pigtails as she looked around the ditch. “We have sandwiches?”
Charlene ignored her and looked out from the ditch. “It’s gotten quiet.”
This seemed to make Charlene and Lulu look quite worried, so Doug offered in a hopeful voice, “Maybe we won.”
For a small woman, Charlene hit hard. After smacking Doug, she looked at Lulu. “Try and find where the rest of our forces are.”
Lulu spoke into her radio. “Hey, it’s Lulu; how is everyone doing? …Hello? …Hello?” Lulu looked at Charlene. “Um… do you think we’re all that’s left?”
“I’m afraid so.”
They were quiet for a moment, but Bryce broke the silence. “Well, this sucks. Luckily, I have my jogging shoes on. Who’s up for a tactical retreat?”
Doug wasn’t sure he liked the sound of that. “How far are we going to have to run?”
Charlene grabbed Doug and put her knife to his face. “You run, and you’ll be executed for cowardice!”
Bryce pulled Charlene’s hand off of Doug. “How about we retreat, but we don’t tell anyone about it.”
Lulu gave a worried glance to the enemy forces. “I like that idea.”
Charlene frowned as she sheathed her knife. “Are you suggesting we go AWOL?”
Bryce began to pack up the picnic. “I’m not sure what the technical term is for it, but I think we should just call it the ‘not getting killed’ option.”
Doug, as usual, was confused. “Will we get in trouble for being AWOL?”
Lulu sat low in the ditch and started rocking back and forth. “I really hate this war stuff. I just want to get out of this and get that job as an administrative assistant. These uniforms aren’t flattering at all and the boots we have to wear are ugly. Plus, there’s two much violence and yelling and… Ow!”
After yanking one of Lulu’s pigtails, Charlene addressed the three. “I already checked, and no backup is coming. This fight is up to us. We may be outnumbered, but if we can take control of their battle-mech, we could turn the tide. It won’t be easy, but remember that we fight for the divine honor of Empress Proserpine and to avenge the death of our comrades!”
Lulu was still rubbing her head. “But you never liked your comrades, and they really hated you.”
Charlene stood up. “It’s the principle, Lulu. Now, I’ll need some ammo. I used up all of mine killing the enemy.”
Lulu looked at her gun. “I only have one of the bullet container thingees–”
“Magazines.”
“–magazines left.”
“I have plenty of ammo I’m not using!” Doug said, glad to be helpful. He looked through his sack. “Where is it?”
“I have it.” Bryce opened his sack and took out some magazines and handed them to Charlene and Lulu. “I always unload Doug’s gun and take his ammo before each battle for his own safety and the safety of others.”
Charlene put a magazine into her rifle and chambered a round. “Is there any point in asking if you two cowards will help?”
Bryce picked up his pack and rifle. “No, not much point in asking. You two have fun, and we’ll look for how you did in the obituaries tomorrow.”
Charlene sneered at them and then climbed out of the ditch. Lulu started to follow but stopped for a moment to look towards Bryce and Doug. “Could you guys wait a minute back here, because, if Charlene gets killed, I’m going to do that AWOL thing with you two.”
“Sure thing,” Bryce said. Lulu then headed out of the ditch with a slight whimper. When she was out of sight, Bryce turned to Doug. “Okay, let’s get running.”
Doug picked up his gun and watched the two women running off towards the twenty-five-foot robot in the distance. “They’re going to get killed! We have to help!”
Bryce shook his head. “No, Doug. Proper logic would go this way: They’re going to get killed, so we need to be as far away from them as possible.”
Doug began to climb out of the ditch. “Everyone else got killed while we sat here eating sandwiches; I’m not sitting by while anyone else dies.”
“We’re not going to be sitting! We’re going to be running! Doug, this whole battle is pointless! Also, I really do have some big plans I’m working on, and it would be quite useful to have you not dead for them. This plan might involve heavy things that need carrying, and you know I’m not going to do that… And didn’t the guy in your crazy dream say to stay alive so you could fight aliens or something?”
Doug held his rifle at the ready and prepared to run after Charlene and Lulu. “That was a dream; this is real. It’s time for me to be useful now.” Doug began to head towards the enemy.
“Doug!”
“What, Bryce?”
Bryce threw Doug some magazines. “You might need some ammo.”
Doug missed them and quickly picked them up off the ground, putting one in his rifle. “Thanks, Bryce.” He started his run again.
“Doug!”
“What?”
“Chamber a round.”
Doug looked down at his rifle. “Oh yeah.”
Bryce sunk back into the safety of the ditch. “Idiot.”
NEXT

Help Save Science Fiction at Jim Baen’s Universe!