There’s a New York Times article on making a blogger code of conduct. Most of it seems to be aimed towards regulating comments (I didn’t actually read the article; that’s why I peruse blogs: they summarize what I don’t have the attention span to read myself). Apparently, blog comments have gotten so vicious now that some non-conservative chick has been the target of their venom that it’s time to regulate things.
I think I speak for everyone at IMAO when I say, “Yawn.”
Yes, comments at a lot of blogs have become cesspools of trolls without even the slightest bit of tact, but how big a problem is that really? If we get rid of the filth, is it likely we’ll finally get those intelligent conversations we’ve always craved?
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Doubtful. So really, where do nasty comments rank on the scale of world problems? Sticks and stones and all that. I say the problem of nasty anonymous commenters actually ranks below the plight of the spotted owl. And I really don’t care about the spotted owl. It’s an owl. With spots. Who cares?
Comments are just an extra thing; most blogs don’t actually need them to survive and plenty do fine without them. We here at IMAO, though, like to get feedback on our posts and want to make commenting as accessible as possible. Also, we’re lazy. Those two things pretty much dictate our approach to regulating comments. Our only real concern is spam comments. Since I already have more photos of nude celebrities than I know what to do with (and I probably shouldn’t publicly mention my huge stock of prescription drugs), spam is of no use to me. Also, it clogs up old posts and the constant hit from spammers can make us exceed our bandwidth. Thus, that’s all we really care about combating. If those people in the NYTimes article want to do something useful, they should sponsor legislation to have spammers hunted down and beaten to death with bats. Yes, I know many spammers have families, but I don’t care. I want them beaten to death in front of those families so their children will be discouraged.
That said, we do have a comment policy.
THE IMAO COMMENT POLICY
* All comments you make are property of IMAO. As soon as a comment is made, we can do whatever we want with it. We can delete it, edit it, or print it out and frame it and sell it on eBay. You do have some rights, though, such as not having to give lodgings to soldiers and not being forced to incriminate yourself in a court of law (though we may edit comments so you incriminate yourself).
* Official policy of IMAO is that we don’t read your comments. While I do in fact read every comment, if someone comes up to me and says, “Why didn’t you do something about this horrible comment?!” My response will always be, “This is the first I’ve seen of it. I’ll do something about it right away!”
* Because I say I’ll do something about a comment right away doesn’t mean I’ll ever actually do something about the comment.
* Comments can be deleted for any reason… or no reason whatsoever. If a comment is deemed offensive, it may be deleted. If a comment is deemed too mean, it may be deleted. If a comment doesn’t kiss my feet enough, it may be deleted. If a comment is in the way of an interblog highway, it may be deleted. If I’m fiddling around with blog settings before I’ve had my morning coffee, many comments may be deleted.
* The main purpose of comments is to stroke the egos of authors. Thus, comments that speak negatively about IMAO are likely to be edited. E.g. “IMAO has been going downhill for a while. You’ve lost your funny” may become “ROTFL! That was awesome! Who wants to have homosexual sex with me?”
* By writing a comment, you are agreeing to be made into a racist. I.e., a recent comment of, “LOL! Great post!” may be turned into “LOL! Great post! I hate black people!” I may also go back and edit all your previous comments so you have a long history of racism if I’m really bored. Nothing personal; I’m just a jerk and I find that sort of thing funny.
* Despite all these caveats, you should know that any of your comments may (and probably will) be used against you in a court of law.
* Finally, and most importantly, IMAO is absolutely not responsible for anything that happens in the comments. In fact, we’re unaware that IMAO even has comments. Just because we own the site, that doesn’t mean we have time to click on every link and see what happens. Like there’s this link near the bottom that says “Syndicate this site (XML).” What the hell is that? Wow. Now that I finally look at my site, I do have a lot of ads.
I hope this clarifies things. Please continue to enjoy IMAO!
Your essay is cogent and timely. Your hygiene is above reproach…at least recently…or so I hear. But I’m still worried about your monkey neighbors. I’m losing sleep. I’m afraid of monkeys moving into my neighborhood.
Your post was the wisest thing I’ve read in all of my many years reading things. You have a great future as a sayer of wise things.
P.S. Nuke the Moon.
Your intellect rivals that of Fred Thompson.
Julie the Jarhead
Paleo – Frank said to kiss his feet. I think that your aim was a little high.
Probably the most coherent comment policy I’ve ever seen. You should copyright it and license it out to other bloggers. Make sure you charge Prof Reynolds double since he doesn’t have comments.
May I polish your shoes? (Sorry, I’m not into the whole foot kissing thing. I don’t know where your feet have been.)
Seriously funny post. 🙂
You also shouldn’t publicly mention your neckid celebrities collection. Your wife blogs here. And reads here. And t-shirt models here, though I haven’t done that in a while. I should do that again soon.
Frank J – You really need to do a better job of policing the comments on your Comments on Comments!
You’re so wise. You’re like a miniature Buddha, covered in hair.
I question the timing, your patriotism, and your sexuality all in one fell swoop… all while noting that Fred can pwn you still!!
Top that!!
The Troll problem is unfortunate. The one actually interesting Troll that you had quit some months ago. We need to learn how to lure some interesting Trolls, instead of the current crop of wannabes and neverbeens.
// The main purpose of comments is to stroke the egos of authors. //
What if I don’t want to stroke your ego? Isn’t that SarahK’s job anyway? Id’ rather stroke the ego of the guy in the Calvin Klein’s Men’s XT Gripper Jam (puuuuurrrrrrrrrrr)
//Calvin Klein’s Men’s XT Gripper Jam//
That’s an ad on your site that I don’t mind at all by the way. Too bad you don’t have an ad with Dean Cain in it. sigh
monkey-post funny.
I was drinking diet coke when I read your comment policy. The nose enema you caused was not appreciated. My lawyer will be contacting you.
Shimauma said: “I’d rather stroke the ego of the guy in the Calvin Klein’s Men’s XT Gripper Jam (puuuuurrrrrrrrrrr)”
Methinks his ego is not what you really want to stroke….
😀
I have never had a comment deleted to the best of my knowledge. I am so left out. Could you delete this comment. If it helps: Monkeys are so cool, I want to be a flying monkey myself.
Every post on this site is the most insightful and/or funniest and/or most creative and/or most brilliant piece of writing that I have ever read.
comment deleted
Frank, be careful with yawning at other people’s pain! Please be advised that because hurtful words hurt all people, comments therefore hurt even people who don’t read them. And even if they don’t know about them, they are still hurt!
ROFL! That was awesome! Who wants to have homosexual sex with me?
Frank, I think saying “now that some non-conservative chick has been the target of… venom…it’s time to regulate things” is unfairly dismissive, and (probably unintentionally) misleading. I don’t know if Kathy Sierra (the ‘non-conservative chick’) is conservative or not, because she doesn’t write about politics. While the people who slur Michelle Malkin would be fed to wolves in a better world, Michelle can at least see it coming, because she writes about politics, and politics has always brought out the worst in people. And leftists. But Kathy Sierra didn’t expect that kind of venom, because you know what she writes about? User interface design. Making software easier to understand and more enjoyable to use. It’s really pretty easy to get opposed to conservative positions, you just read the NYT and watch CBS and it’s all spelled out for you. So while the hate mail you and Michelle and Jeff Goldstein etc get is never defensible, and I don’t agree with the people who sent it, I can at least understand how simple-minded people get whipped into a fury at conservatives.
But what kind of sick f*** sends death threats to someone who advocates enjoying software more?
Right now I’m bringing Eric to his knees by thinking hurtful word-thoughts that hurt even people who don’t have telepathy… Sorry Eric. It’s just the way I roll.
If a guy who signs his comments “bgates” doesn’t understand how someone in software design can be receiving death threats…who does?
bgates:
It’s the CSS, stupid.
ZOMG! WTFPWND!
No comment. That’s all I have to say about it.
If I kiss your feet, polish your shoes, and wax your car, will you bring back pop-up comment windows?
My slow internet connection can hardly take reloading the entire IMAO site when commenting.
I agree with FrankJ – YAWN!
Didn’t you hear about the Spotted Owl?
It was a subspecies of the Barred Owl. When Barred Owls moved into their territory, they have all intermated now. There is no Spotted Owl Crisis.
Now if those stupid hippies would go home and quit “creating” problems, the world would be a better place.
I agree with all remaining comments in this thread.
POOP DOO-DOO EXCREMENT LOLZ
karanadon137-
Since I too have a slow connection speed, I cheat to get the comment pop-ups: I load the current month from the archives (imao.us/archives/2007_04.html). I keep it bookmarked until the new month starts, then just tweak the month number in the address.
And to the mighty & terrible overlords at IMAO, please accept my supplication for forgivness for my surreptitious access to this incomparable website.
You know who’s to blame for this? Society.
You can’t prove me wrong, I know this. Science wins!
I don’t comment here often… well, maybe never… but I like that I can. I promise to be good. Or, if you don’t like that sort of thing, would coherent be acceptable? Like the Code of Comments too. Has that kind of Las Vegas slot machine feel to it.
I have never had a comment deleted to the best of my knowledge.
When comments, yours in particular, are deleted, the best of your knowledge is not where they are deleted to.
I never really comment here. I am a sock puppet.
For karanadon137 you need to go download the FireFox browser over at mozilla.com. It was the only way I could speed the site up. Now it is quite snappy. I don’t think the formatting of this site likes IE7 very well.
Frank, I see you have moved from 100,739 Alexa ranking to 100,734. Good job, keep up the good work! Is that kissing up enough?
I’m watching this blog very closely and plan to have Frank J. on my radio program in the VERY near future…stay tuned…
As long as Fred Thompson approves, it’s good by me.
Radioactive Liberty linked with Pussified Pansies Pout – Demand Blogger Code of Ethics
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What a bunch of nappy headed hose.
No badge, no policy.
shrug
..I have seen my neighbors, a Vietnamese couple,(the Hos), at 5am on a Sunday, taking their trash out in their housecoats/robes.
And they truly are a couple of ‘nappy-headed Hos.’
…is that a bad thing?
along a similar vein,
“Global Warming is a gutter religion.”
Bgates – “But what kind of sick f*** sends death threats to someone who advocates enjoying software more?”
Advocating enjoying software more leads to Vista.
It is a capital offense
To presure people to limit the kinds of comments a person can leave is counter productive. Banning ad hommenim attacks and the like? How are people supposed to know that someone is an idiot if they can not expose their stupidity?
And really! Are people out there violating copyright law in comment sections to an extent that no one is buying books and magazines anymore? Where is this an actual problem?