Keeping you safe from weapons of massive suction.
Current California Governor Gavin Newsom expressed his pride is his state’s “forward-thinking legislation”.
“California is a state that holds the safety of its citizens as its highest priority,” said Newsom. “That’s why I’ve been proud to oversee the implementation of the banning of plastic straws – or ‘murder tubes’ as we call them. I’ve never actually seen the statistics on how many people died each year from using them, but I did once see a video of a sea turtle with a nose bleed. I was thinking ‘coke problem’, but my science advisors assured me it was a case of murder tube impalement.”
“I can only assume,” continued Newsom, “that if one turtle can become injured in the whole ocean, then thousands of Californians must have been dying from the same thing every year. Fortunately, thanks to our forward-thinking legislation, I have it on good authority that not a single Californian has died from murder-tubing since the law became effective at the beginning of the year.”
“I’m just glad this is making such a big difference,” Newsom concluded. “Can you imagine destroying a manufacturing sector and putting crippling regulatory burdens on every restaurant in the state without saving a single human life in the process?”
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In a related story California’s homeless problem saw a mysterious jump in overall numbers.
That’s just another straw man argument.
It wouldn’t surprise me at all that this would be their actual justification (I know it isn’t). They banned squirt guns (IIRC – might have just been “toy” guns) that look realistic because one kid got shot by the police because he was playing with a realistic-looking one. Of course, the number of kids who drown in pools or die from falling out of trees is dozens per year, but neither private pools nor tree climbing have been banned yet. I thought it was “for the children”?
For the children is a trademarked phrase of the Democrat Party/Socialist Party and should be presented thusly….For The Children™. Any violation of this policy will be subject to litigation!!
And now that they define “Children” as “Anyone we bloody well want to treat as a child” it gets complicated.
On the plus side there was a five minute lull in bank robberies as crooks searched for another commonplace item that could be bent into the shape of a gun.
Plastic syringes with some residue of cocaine…….goooooood! Plastic straws with some residue of Coke-a-cola……..baaaaaaaad!
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