![](https://i0.wp.com/www.imao.us/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/pink-hats.jpg?resize=325%2C241&ssl=1)
“Get your woman hat here! Pink, pointy woman hat! Can’t be woman without a woman hat!”
NOW president Toni Van Pelt said the vote was a watershed moment for the feminist movement and a victory for women everywhere.
“For too long,” said Van Pelt, “women have been prisoners of fear. Fear of speaking up. Fear of what other people might say. Fear of that dress making her look fat. Today, NOW has spoken, and what we’ve said is ‘no more fear!’ From this day forward, any woman can say anything about anyone, and she need not fear, because her feminist sisters at NOW promise to believe every word she says. Especially if it’s something juicy about what some rich, white Republican did to her 30 years ago that she never told anyone about. However, we also promise to believe any woman who accuses a Democrat, liberal, socialist, man of color, or other ally. Women first!”
“Of course,” Van Pelt cautioned, tugging at the dress that was definitely not making her look fat and was only wearing because she was going to a wedding reception later and not because a member of the patriarchy had once complimented her on how it flattered her figure, “while all women are equally believable, not all women are equally women. I mean, certainly men who realize their true identity and make the effort to release their womanhood – whether they have any to release or not – count as women. But the self-hating kind of creature that betrays the interests of her sisters in order to kowtow to male-dominated pressure, or who uses ‘he’ as a gender-neutral pronoun… well, we’ve decided that it’s best for us to vote on their gender on a case-by-case basis.”
NOW Vice President Gilda Yazzie concurred with Van Pelt on the need for flexibility in gender identification.
“Everyone agrees that gender is a very fluid characteristic,” said Yazzie. “Sometimes a man, can suddenly decide he’s a woman, even though he’s never considered himself one before. There’s always that first moment. Or sometimes a woman can suddenly decide she’s a woman, too, because women change their minds about a lot of things, and it’s ok for me to say that because I’m not a man spouting some insensitive stereotype. But the fact is, this has to work both ways. If genders are fluid, it may be that the women who know what’s best – like myself or Toni – might decide that what’s best is for you NOT to be a woman. And if that’s how the vote goes, then there’s simply no way to argue that it’s not true. At least not without being a gender-traitor.”
Gender-traitor and self-identified girly-girl Scarlett Seraphina said she’d recently had NOW declare her “not a woman” after posting something marginally unflattering about Joe Biden.
“All I did was ask why Joe Biden hadn’t been Al Frankened yet,” said Seraphina, “and the next thing you know I’m getting an email from NOW saying my woman card had been revoked and I needed to turn in my mascara. I figured it was a joke, but it turned out that it was only a joke metaphorically.”
“Actually, I kinda feel sorry for them. To the best of my knowledge, feminism became irrelevant the day that men invented the Wonderbra.”
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The whole charade is only nonsense about nonsense!
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Where was NOW when Hillary Clinton was savagely attacking women that her husband victimized? Why does NOW remain mostly silent on the mistreatment of Muslim women? NOW voted to believe all women who make accusations against men. So the members of NOW voted to throw all of their credibility away in cases of false accusations against men from the likes of women like Tawana Brawley or the accusers of the Duke Lacrosse team. I’m glad that NOW has finally confirmed that they have no objectivity, and their opinions will forever be tainted because the truth does not matter to them.
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