“All of you are equal. Which of you feel you are more equal than others?”
Elizabeth Warren, who hopes to become America’s first slightly Native American President, chose her words very carefully when speaking to reporters.
“Don’t be stupid,” explained Warren. “Government programs are for the little people, to be paid for by the slightly bigger little people. I’m not a little person, I’m a mover and a shaker and a decision maker. I tell you what’s best for you, and after I make you take it, you say ‘thank you’ by voting for me.”
“People actually want government health care? Sheesh! It’s like they’ve never been to a DMV or a post office. Well, I’m not standing in line with the smelly proles. I’ve already got my exemption lined up, and a private physician on speed dial. I’m good forever. What’s he gonna do? Retire on me? Pretty sure the law against that’ll be part of ‘Medicare for All.'”
Equally adamant about correcting the public record was Kamala Harris, who has seen her poll numbers jump significantly since somehow managing to paint the first black president’s vice-president as a bus-hating bigot.
“Do I look like a sap?” asked Harris. “I would never subject myself to a bureaucratic lemming-jump program like ‘Medicare for All.’ I’d rather drive a Ford Pinto into the side of a GM pickup. At least I’d have a CHANCE to survive that. Letting government doctors get their hands on you is a one-way ticket to being a permanent listee on the Chicago Democrat voter rolls. So, thanks, but no thanks. You guys enjoy.”
Although he was the originator of the ‘Medicare for All’ concept, Bernie Sanders got a distinct “not kissing that porcupine” look on his face when asked about signing up for the program himself.
“Me? Use THIS? Pfft! I’m 900 years old! I need real doctors! And that ‘s’ on the end isn’t an accident. My organs are failing even as I speak! If I don’t force young healthy people into a medical program that will kill them through sheer incompetence, how will I get new organs? Also, under ‘Medicare for All,’ organ donation will be mandatory.”
By way of response, President Trump offered only a single tweet.
“Don’t worry. No one in the Democrat clown car will win in 2020. When I’m reelected, I’ll make sure that ‘Medicare for All’ will never be more than a thing you use to scare your children into eating their vegetables. Like Slenderman or Nancy Pelosi’s eyebrows.”
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< Shocking New Study Shows That the Cure for Racism Is Global Warming
Hey…a bit OT but why is it that nobody has started calling the SJW’s “Socialist Justice Warriors” yet?
seems like that sort of writes itself.
It does. Although it clocks in at 8 syllables, as opposed to 5 for “SJW”, and I’m lazy.
I’ve been calling them Socialist Justus Whiners for quite some time now. On those rare occasions I deign to notice them.
Remember, if you saw it, the first Men In Black movie where Space Aliens were coming across as Illegal Aliens? I believe it very well could be happening…a darn good plan. I guess a dead give-away would be if their sign says something like ‘We don’t want your free insurance…just leave us alone and don’t probe us’.
This ‘clarification’ is so funny, I almost believe it is satire. Hope they don’t read it or it will become part of their stated platform. that Bernie is SO funny!
Yang/Whats her name 2020
Hindsight, and she is a B!tch,
She will meet you on the field of combat and love will prevail.