There Is No One More Sympathetic Than I

I have, after all, dreamt of being lost in Ms. Welch’s cleavage.

And far be it from me to disparage a poor lad in such a life-threatening and dire situation.

But…

A boy was trapped between boulders for 9 hours until crews could free him
Recorder Online | 9/16/24 | Kathy McCormack

CONCORD, N.H. (AP) — Rescuers freed an 11-year-old boy who slipped between two boulders near his school and was trapped for more than nine hours, a New Hampshire fire chief said Monday.

The boy was pried out of the boulders in Windsor at about 3:15 a.m. He was taken to a hospital for evaluation and released, according to the Wediko School, where the boy is a student.

“On Sunday evening, while under supervision, a student exploring a rocky area on campus slipped between two boulders when sticks and debris gave way beneath them,” the school, a residential treatment center for boys, said in a statement Monday.

Sunday night? On a school night? Further explanation, please! And “residential treatment center” doesn’t exactly cut it!

The Great “If”s of History

If IMAO had been truly wiped off the face of the internet this past week, I’d never know:

If DamnCat was a damn cat

If Walrus was a walrus

If Editor was an editor

If Bill is due

If Gumbeaux was ready to rumbeaux

If Dohtimes would find the time to go “Doh!” somewhere else

If Bob B was truly a bot, and if he could also guide me to salvation (thanks)

If Bob in Feenicks could just guide me to Feenicks

If tankdemon was — you know — a tank demon; and if he ever found his shillelagh

If Gene would ever get back together with his group, Gene & the Doomsday Glaciers, and that guy in the back of the bar. What was his name? One-Eyed Pete?

If Jimmy was here to stay this time

If Scotty T can give us more power from the warp drive

If Vaktatunen (or is it Vakatunen?) would vacate

If GrandLarsenE would admit to being a gator

If Windbag is really an accurate screen name

If the Magnificent Purple Walnut would change his colors

If zzyzx would remember any lines from “Blazing Saddles,” by any chance

If CaleyGraph liked Venn Diagrams

If SomeDudeInTX would get ever get over the shakes

If rametindallas would do the same thing (it must be a Texas thing)

If Andy would still be Andy

If Biscuit would fluff up

If Bubba is from the South

If Conservatarian would admit he’s a liberal

If Finbear and Fangbeer are the same person (spoiler: they aren’t)

If Hadsil ever met Gretl

If ddalry would stop being so shy

If Some Internet Guy would be Some Other Internet Guy

And if Les would take over, already! He was here way before I was!

If I missed you, I apologize — but I would miss you.

Straight Line of the Day: More Science! Excellent Reasons To Create Organisms in a Biological “Third State”: One That Doesn’t Neatly Fit Into the Categories of Life and Death…

Organisms Created in Laboratory Are “Third State” Beyond Life and Death, Scientists Say
Yahoo | 9/16/2024

Over the past several years, scientists have repeatedly demonstrated that the cells of various organisms can be repurposed into biological robots, representing stunning advancements in the field of synthetic biology.

Some types, like anthrobots, used human cells that could self-assemble into small, hairy structures capable of moving by themselves. Others, like xenobots, are a bit freakier: scientists created these from the cells of already dead frogs, which seemingly cheated death by remaining capable of performing simple tasks and even self-replication.

Now, in a new review published in the journal Physiology, researchers are contemplating the implications of taking cells — from organisms dead or alive — and essentially turning them into machines with totally new functions. Namely, that this points to a biological “third state” — one that doesn’t neatly fit into the categories of life and death.

Welcome to IMAO! Not Surprisingly, No One Even Attempted To Hold Up The Sugar Cane Crew

Except that girl in the back, who was going through their lunchboxes.

Poet-ricipation Trophy Available

Kamala Kamaleon

Is for releasing all feely-ons

Doesn’t want you to think

But just take a drink . . .

What Is Wrong With Me?

I read a story about “skin boats,” and immediately try to think of the most sophomoric response.

Archaeologists Suggest Neolithic Scandinavians May Have Used Skin Boats To Hunt, Travel and Trade
Phys.org | September 10, 2024 | Sandee Oster

Recent research by Dr. Mikael Fauvelle and his colleagues, published in the Journal of Maritime Archaeology, proposes that the neolithic Pitted Ware Culture (PWC) may have used skin boats to conduct trade, travel, fishing, and hunting activities.

Also, “Pitted Ware Culture” sounds like a riot in a Pottery Barn.

The Story Behind the Great Website Crash

Straight Line of the Day: Among the Many Reasons That Scientists Should Be Creating Awkwardly-Shuffling Five-Legged Robots Controlled by King Oyster Mushrooms That Are Yet To Venture Beyond the Lab: …

… and cyborg cockroaches …

Robot controlled by a king oyster mushroom blends living organisms and machines
Accuweather| September 04, 2024 | Katie Hunt

By growing the mushroom’s mycelium into the robot’s hardware, researchers have engineered two types of robots that sense and respond to the environment by harnessing electrical signals made by the fungus.

===================================================================

A wheeled bot rolls across the floor. A soft-bodied robotic star bends its five legs, moving with an awkward shuffle.

Powered by conventional electricity via plug or battery, these simple robotic creations would be unremarkable, but what sets these two robots apart is that they are controlled by a living entity: a king oyster mushroom.

By growing the mushroom’s mycelium, or rootlike threads, into the robot’s hardware, a team led by Cornell University researchers has engineered two types of robots that sense and respond to the environment by harnessing electrical signals made by the fungus and its sensitivity to light.

The robots are the latest accomplishment of scientists in a field known as biohybrid robotics who seek to combine biological, living materials such as plant and animal cells or insects with synthetic components to make partly living and partly engineered entities.

Biohybrid robots have yet to venture beyond the lab, but researchers hope one day robot jellyfish may explore oceans, sperm-powered bots may be able to deliver fertility treatments and cyborg cockroaches could search for survivors in the wake of an earthquake.

“Mechanisms, including computing, understanding and action as a response, are done in the biological world and in the artificial world that humans have created, and biology most of the time is better at it than our artificial systems are,” said Robert Shepherd, a senior author of a study detailing the robots published August 28 in the journal Science Robotics.

“Biohybridization is an attempt to find components in the biological world that we can harness, understand, and control to help our artificial systems work better,” added Shepherd, a professor of mechanical and aerospace engineering at Cornell University who leads the institution’s Organic Robotics Lab.

Part fungus, part machine

The team began by growing king oyster mushrooms (Pleurotus eryngii) in the lab from a simple kit ordered online. The researchers chose this species of mushroom because it grows easily and quickly.

They cultivated the mushroom’s threadlike structures or mycelium, which can form networks that, according to the study, can sense, communicate and transport nutrients — functioning a little like neurons in a brain. (Alas, it’s not strictly accurate to call the creations shroom bots. The mushroom is the fruit of the fungi — the robots are powered by the rootlike mycelium.)

Mycelium produces small electrical signals and can be connected to electrodes.

Andrew Adamatzky, a professor of unconventional computing at the University of the West of England in Bristol who builds fungal computers, said it isn’t clear how fungi produce electrical signals.

No one knows for sure,” said Adamatzky, who wasn’t involved in the research but reviewed it before publication.

Welcome to IMAO! Sept. 17th Is Constitution Day

Latest Trump Assassin Dies When Anvil Falls on Him During FBI Interrogation

Related: His Acme Jet-Powered Sneakers Didn’t Materially Aid His Escape, Either

They’re All Working as Press Secretaries

The World is Running Out of Children as Global Birth Rates Collapse
Life News | September 4, 2024 | Steven Mosher

The result of all of these empty wombs is that humanity just passed a major milestone, although not one we should celebrate.

For the first time in the 60,000 or so years that human beings first arrived on the planet, we are not having enough babies to replace ourselves.

“Empty wombs”? You sure you want to go there, Dr. Strangelove?

Conspiracy Theory of the Day: What Possible Reason Could They Have for Shutting Down IMAO for Four Days?

Welcome to IMAO! To Reiterate: No Blasting of Rap Music in Residential Areas

I Am Not a Bot. I Am in Yoor House 

Please enable yoor camera is you are a hot woman undressing, but please not if you are a typical IMAO male.

On second thought, what good would that do me? Please come to my house if you are a hot woman undressing. But save it till you get here. Again, would not be of benefit to me if you undressed on the way. Possibly dangerous, too, if you drive a stick. Are panty hose still a thing? I can foresee problems with the brake pedal.

It’s Saturday. I’m Working on a Screenplay. A Serious Screenplay

All I have so far is the intro. Need a little help with the second verse.

Come and listen to my story ’bout a man named Oppo

From watching various movies, he believed there was a babe Gestapo

And then one day he was shootin’ for some feud

And up through his mind came a Babe-ylon crude:

“Vile, that is.

Mmm. Back bacon.

Texas toast.”